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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle with the idea of asking family for money?

33 replies

ThisGoldShaker · 26/02/2026 15:48

If you were genuinely short and really needed help, would you ask a family member or would you rather tighten your belt and get through it yourself? I’m torn between pride/independence and practicality. Does asking for help damage dignity or is that just ego talking?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 26/02/2026 15:51

It depends.

If I COULD ‘tighten my belt’ and get through it myself, then I’d always do that. I would only ask if things were worse than that and I couldn’t manage. If you’re borrowing money, then surely you need to be tightening everything you need to anyway?

Would you be expecting a loan or a handout? If a loan, how will you pay it back if you are struggling as you are?

Jellybunny56 · 26/02/2026 15:52

Personally I’d get through it myself because I think asking family for money rarely ends well long term and it changes relationships, it muddies the waters and can put everyone in a bit of an awkward position. I’ve seen it go wrong enough times to not want to risk that myself.

Moonnstarz · 26/02/2026 15:53

Depends on the amount and whether I could realistically find the money I needed. If it was a case of cutting back for a bit then I wouldn't ask. If I was in a situation of not being able to afford essentials or pay bills then I would ask for help.

WallaceinAnderland · 26/02/2026 15:54

I would hate to be asked, it really puts you on the spot.

What if they don't want to but feel obliged.

Work9to5 · 26/02/2026 15:54

Depends on the situation I think. I don't think I could deny my siblings if it was serious and they weren't being delinquents.

It would have been serious before I'd ask them, and only if I was completely in a jam.

catipuss · 26/02/2026 15:55

If I knew they had plenty of spare money and I was desperate I would ask parents, I don't think I could ever ask siblings or any other relatives. I would hope I would be able to pay it back at some point...

TheMorgenmuffel · 26/02/2026 15:58

If a member of my family needed my help I would give it in a heartbeat.

That said, I can think of circumstances where someone might not want to hep a relative even if they could.

So I guess it depends on the specifics really.

Catza · 26/02/2026 16:01

Depends on a family. I have no absolute confidence that my family would help financially and it wouldn't result in any bad bool. I'd do the same for them. In fact, I offered mum access to my savings account when she had to temporarily go part time due to health issues.
But my preference is to make do with what I have unless I need money for something urgent and can pay it back quickly.

7238SM · 26/02/2026 16:11

Depends on the amount, reason, if short term till pay days etc as others have said, but I'd cut back and look at my own outgoings firstly:

-If needed, I'd ask work for an advance (my company allows this but only once a year and I think its part of your monthly pay)
-use the food I have and only buy absolute necessities
-get food from the olio app or community larder
-Tell utilities about my situation

Zivvy · 26/02/2026 16:13

If I was working all the time I reasonably could, and had made good financial decisions, hadn't spent money on takeaways/Netflix/expensive phones etc, and was living on oats, lentils, and turnips... then yes, I would ask for a small loan to buy food if it was a very short term issue and there's a clear plan to pay it back.

But if I was living beyond my means on an ongoing basis, I would instead work more, or spend less, or move to a cheaper area, or check I'm claiming all the benefits I'm entitled to.

GreenGodiva · 26/02/2026 16:18

My sisters and I swap money between ourselves regularly and when it’s getting to the end of the month. Maybe 25-100 quid an go but not every month and not each of us every month. I very rarely need help. Occasionally if we are going on holiday one will book and pay and we repay over 2-3 months at an agreed rate. But I’d never ask my parents or anybody else and we aren’t taking huge amounts.

I’d always prefer to tighten my belt. I did once lend £800 from my step dad for an emergency surgery for my dog but I killed myself to repay it within 6-7 weeks. I much prefer to sort out my own stuff.

SpanielLover356 · 26/02/2026 16:19

The only time I ever asked my parents to lend me money was when I was a single mum with a 6 year old & in the run up to Christmas, not only did my car need a new clutch my boiler died & was condemned as unsafe. I had no heating, no hot water &, as it was close to Christmas, all my saved money had been spent on presents for DS & family as well as the new clutch for the car. My mother lent me the money to get a new boiler.

She was willing to give it to me, but I wouldn't have that & set up a standing order to pay her back £100 per month over the next year or so I also paid her 5% interest as it came from her savings account & 5% was about average for a savings account in those days.

Other times I had presents of money towards necessities such as a new washing machine, car MOT as birthday or Christmas presents.

Boomer55 · 26/02/2026 16:20

My ACs work hard and never ask. But if they were in trouble I’ve always told them I would help them.

dhomhnuill · 26/02/2026 16:21

Tighten my belt if thats an option 100%

TomatoSandwiches · 26/02/2026 16:22

I would tighten my belt first, review my outgoings see what I can cut or change for cheaper, see if I have anything worth selling on ebay or the like, check out community larders of see what I'm entitled to on the GOV.UK website or local council for food charities.

Of course that's all moot if you have a MOT or Boiler service to pay out for immediately.

What do you need it for and is it a one off or are you going to need help weekly/monthly?

itsthetea · 26/02/2026 16:22

I’d ask my mam if I absolutely had to and I’d hope my DD would ask me

grumpyandiknowit · 26/02/2026 16:23

Kind of depends on how bad it is and who you would be asking and their relationship with you.

Look at it this way if someone you really cared about was seriously struggling and you could afford to help them but they didn't ask you for help, how would you feel about it. You'd probably wished they asked you rather than be starving or struggling to keep the lights on.

Think about it like that. if it's someone who would willingly help you because they love you its easier.

I know how you feel though @ThisGoldShaker and it completely blows my mind that people like Sarah Ferguson and Mandleson were asking a stranger really, not like a relative or even a very close friend, for £500,000 here, £10,000 there. Mandlesons was to pay for a course for his bf. How do people even ask for that? Just how?

SpanielLover356 · 26/02/2026 16:25

it completely blows my mind that people like Sarah Ferguson and Mandleson were asking a stranger really, not like a relative or even a very close friend, for £500,000 here, £10,000 there. Mandlesons was to pay for a course for his bf. How do people even ask for that? Just how?

Totally agree. It's not as if Mandelson is short of a penny is it - look at his house, his salary! Not as if it's that or the food bank is it?

JLou08 · 26/02/2026 16:28

I've never asked for money. I just cut back on spending. If something catastrophic happened, such as loosing my job and having some huge expenses that led to me being unable to feed my children I'd ask. If I was able to afford the basics, even if it meant getting in to a bit of debt I knew I could pay off in a couple of months, I wouldn't ask.

BatchCookBabe · 26/02/2026 16:28

I would honestly rather live in a cardboard box under a motorway bridge than go cap in hand for financial handouts to anyone I know - least of all relatives. (Not even parents.) Never.

I would not lend money to family either. Or anyone.

I would GIVE money to my adult DC if they needed it, or one of my 2 BFFs, (and my parents when they were alive,) but no-one else. Nope.

JustGiveMeReason · 26/02/2026 17:01

It does depend on circumstances.

Why you are short.
How you would then pay it back.
What kind of amounts you are needing.
What are the finances of the person you are wanting to ask, like.
What their relationship to you is.
How necessary is the thing you want to borrow for.
How careful or impulsive you are with spending generally.
Whether you are willing to listen to advice about budgeting.

I have adult dc. I would hate to think of them getting into debt if I could help them. BUT I also know they work hard, and behave sensibly with money and haven't got to a state of being short through gambling, drugs, drink, spending outrageously whilst I budget carefully.

When I was a young adult myself, I preferred to do without things / not have the heating on / go out and work a second job rather than get into further debt.

So - it depends.

Strangesally20 · 26/02/2026 17:10

Completely depends on the situation. Boiler goes and I don’t automatically have 3k to deal with it but know I would be able to pay the loan off in 3 months, and know with certainty the person loaning the many wouldn’t be caused any hardship then yeah I probably would ask my parents for a loan. And I’m certain they would transfer it immediately with no issue. I wouldn’t be comfortable asking anyone else. And I wouldn’t be comfortable unless I knew with certainty I could repay it swiftly.

caringcarer · 26/02/2026 17:29

When I left my first DH and went for a divorce I asked my Mum to help me by lending me money to pay for divorce and house me and DC until I got money from sale of my house. My Mum was a very traditional person and said she would lend me the money because she knew if my Dad was still alive he would have done so. It made me feel like she didn't really want to help me but felt obligated to do so. I got my divorce. I paid her back once my house sold, I thanked her and she never mentioned it again. I hated having to ask her because I knew her views on divorce. We both knew Dad would have helped me without question and be glad he could help me.

noidea69 · 26/02/2026 17:32

I would have had to have tightened belt as far as could before asked family for money.

Would also depend on what asking for. House being about to be taken away as cant pay rent/mortgage fair enough. Asking because you fancy a holiday, then no.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/02/2026 18:33

Your post sort of implies that you’d be ok if you could just tighten your belt, but don’t want to?

I’d be pissed off at lending someone money as well, if they carried on spending.