To be discontent in my marriage because DH never takes the children out?

[bigcitykitties]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

DH just doesn’t take the children anywhere. He’ll sometimes take the older one to something prearranged like a swimming lesson but he won’t take them both out to the park or soft play or anything like that.

It is starting to get to me a bit as I feel really stifled at home. AIBU?

Does he realise he’s missing out on the good stuff or does he think he’s cleverly dogging a bullet.

This strikes me as things coming up the form of “you never do X/ you always do Y” rather than trying to be constructive.

Even this post, your DH never takes the kids out alone on the weekends. But down the line you admit neither do you really.

He’s not going to know until you ask, you need to just say “I need a mental break after this week can you take the kids out sat morning”. Given he plays with them and engages with them like any good father it doesn’t actually seem like this would be met with resistance. However it’s equally your responsibility to take yourself out at times if you want a break because it is easier to have the house available if you’re the one looking after the kids.

Well maybe you need to talk to him about the other issues. As based on this I don't think there really is a big issue. You don't like taking the kids out alone neither does he. So unless you both compromise and speak about both needing a break then nothing will change.

As well as your need (which is important enough on its own), I think it's particularly important for dad's to have time alone with their kids. So they have time building that relationship and being solely responsible. I'm sure it's good for the kids too to have solo time with both parents.

Classic gaslighting

Mine is like that too. I'm chronically ill and need down time, particularly during holiday time but he won't take them out. I have to go and stay at my parents to get a break. It's infuriating that I have to do all the organising........
Or he'll only take one child, and moans if he has to have both, even though he doesn't think twice about me having to have both at the same time....

I don’t want any of my parents or in laws stuff , I tell my mum not to buy stuff as it will all end up in the skip when my parents pass, I also told her about Swedish death cleaning !!!

Sounds like its more about you getting child free time. If you want alone time then go out alone. Set a regular time/s to do so, could be anything to go for a walk, gym, see a friend. Define your time for you.

This thread is so sad.

So he is good with them in your own environment? He will sit on the floor and play with them happily or kick a ball etc in the garden? Does he tidy up and keep the place organised and the kids clean? Is that right - he can be trusted indoors with the kids?
If so then I think you might need to compromise by going out to get a break from the kids and leaving him to it. If he finds it easier to spend time with them at home then the bonds are still being established. It’s just a bit inconvenient that you don’t have an empty house - and I get that. But you might have to take a different break in the steam room or the cafe or the library or wherever. It all helps to decompress as long as there is a responsible adult at home.

Yup, lack of initiative

Very unappealing

My ex was like this. I left him and now he takes our son out every weekend!