To tell BIL to F off with his judgemental comments?

[silkyfilament]

I have three children from a previous marriage of 13 years. Unfortunately that ended when he buggered off with another woman. I say unfortunately, and I suppose it was for the kids. He did me a massive favour that day though and my life has been infinitely better since.

Today I have five kids. I’m mid to late 40s now and in a solid relationship with the father of my youngest two.

The problem is his brother, who makes constant jibes about me having too many kids, like i’m damaged goods. Over the years I’ve tried to laugh it off or say something self deprecating, but he’s now started a new relationship of two months with a woman with four kids, meaning they now share 5! They are discussing crossing continents to be together (it’s giving grifter vibes to me but that’s another story) so my question is how do I now address the belittling I faced previously and the horrid comments that made me feel less than?
Would IBU to snap back now, or should I just let silence speak for me?

Hopefully he moves and you never have to clap eyes on him again and just let DH facetime him etc

That would be magic, but I think the plan is that she and her children come here to live in the UK.

Boo!!

Don't be mean. It is not a good reflection of yourself.
Just make a jokey comment in the engagement card:

Dear BIL and XX,

Congratulations on your engagement. Best wishes from us all for a great life in XXX.

And welcome to the "Too Many Kids Club"

Love X, X and C1, C2, C3, C4, & C5.
XXXXXXX

Gift of something sweet and useful that packs well.

Then resolve to never speak badly of their large family.

Oo. I like this.

Enjoy your silent smugness @silkyfilament ☺
I would.

The way he has treated you is awful. He's nasty but I think if you were to make comments to him him about now parenting a lot of kids, you would be doing the same thing to the woman he's with that he did to you. In a way, you would be justifying his ignorant behaviour.

I think the best revenge is letting him go off into the sunset. You are in a happy relationship and have a lovely family. You have already won.

No need to lower yourself. He has literally been set up by his own choice of words.i think the card idea with the carefully worded dog is perfect.

😀obviously I didn't mean dog. I meant dig.

He's taking on 4 kids who have to move countries to live with him. The jokes on him really. Just revel in it and watch the shit show happen.

OP, rise above it. The reality of a new woman with four kids who has to cross continents to be with him, and when the relationship is only two months old, has disaster written all over it.

Ugh, hate the rise above it shit.

I would have to tell him that you eventually become what you mock.

And be sure not to get guilt tripped into hosting him and his family a lot to help them settle in. Just meet them out and about, and they pay for themselves.

You should have done that years ago. Time to look at this:-

I would not be able to rise above it as I would find it irresistible to tease him a bit about it. After all, he deserves it.

Silence and a death stare is a very good option. Leave his words to hang amongst the irony of his situation.

He'll need to meet the income requirements if you are in the UK. I believe this is currently 29k GBP.

Will the children's father give permission?

Take it as a compliment. You must be doing a pretty good job with your kids for him to be contemplating it.

If you were unpleasant about the 4 kids your dig would be at her and her kids, not him. It feels misdirected really.

Where's your husband in all this? He should at the least be getting involved as it's his brother. STFU. Not OK. That sort of thing.

As you are now in a solid relationship, I'm assuming your partner pulls BIL up each time he's unkind to you, as your partner knows how much the comments irk you

Brilliant retort. Love it.

Take the high road for now.

Can (or hopefully has) your partner address it, in terms of how inappropriate and unpleasant the comments were.

If he continues to be a dick in other ways I would call him out and also say After years of unpleasant comments about my children being too many I don’t want to spend time with you.

I think I’d just say, “how many kids do you have now bil?” Then when he answers say “of course same as us”

on the plus side he will stop making the comments but really your dh should have told him to stop it In the first place.

I think a carefully worded dog would be much more impressive.
🐕😄

@silkyfilament
Or perhaps a link to whatever reality TV show about large families is doing the rounds at the minute.

I’m assuming you handed him his ass e dry time he made an unpleasant jibe?