Family wedding in US - attend or skip?

[WolfMother326]

I am American, have lived in the UK for over a decade and have a British husband and 2 small children. The kids are eligible for US citizenship but I have not chosen to do this yet.
My sister who I love dearly is getting married this summer in the US. I am having major reservations about taking my kids and husband there right now having read disturbing stories in the news about people being detained or separated while travelling. Also, it's just generally an unpleasant atmosphere and we've never felt particularly safe when going back as a couple - my home state is liberal, but there are plenty of guns around. We also had a weird interaction with border patrol on our honeymoon crossing into the US from Canada, where they questioned us about why I didn't want to live in America and 'wasn't it good enough for me anymore?'
I'm thinking about just going solo for a week for the wedding, as I'm a citizen. But my family in America would be very disappointed about my kids and husband staying behind. My sister has said she would understand but obviously is disappointed by the suggestion.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable, as well are a white family and perhaps less likely to be of interest. I don't want to let anyone down, but feel anxiety about taking my kids there just in case.

Eeek! That's tricky.

I think your compromise is a good one in terms of just going yourself. You can't please everyone.

Apart from anything else I'm avoiding going as I have no desire to support the US economy.

I don’t get it, I’ve been in and out the USA several times with and without kids, for vacation/work over the last two years including this January, including being in Vegas for work the day Trump was in town last January and not seen anything that worries me. I also have a sister out there who lives in a more republican state although definitely becoming more liberal. I have been there 20 times or more and actually never seen a gun. She comes and goes out of the UK with no issues as does her DH and DC.

What are you actually worried about?

PS I’d go with the DC for the wedding and tag on a nice vacation destination. Or yes just go on your own. No way would I miss the wedding over the social media anxieties.

Just thank your lucky stars your sister didn't choose to have her wedding in Mexico, get the paperwork done for your family's visas, make sure your passport is up to date, buy your tickets, and go.

If you're worried, fly to Dublin (or Shannon) first and start your journey to the US from there. US immigration pre-clearance takes place at the airport before you leave Ireland. Anyone who is denied entry can just leave the airport or fly home.

That’s a seriously sensible recommendation!

What are you on about? It is like saying that you have played Russian Roulette many times and have survived and therefore it is perfectly safe!

A British woman was just held for eight weeks even though all her papers were in order. When ICE wants to see your identity papers they don't approach you nicely and calmly, they charge at you and slam you into the ground! A seventeen year old boy got slashes on his face from that treatment and they then dumped him in a random parking lot several miles from where they picked him up!

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW DANGEROUS AND STUPID PEOPLE WORKING FOR ICE ARE!!

Millions of people fly into the US problem free every single day. Hundreds of thousands of them do not have US citizenship. Gun violence has been up since covid but according to statistics it has started to decline in the last year.

I totally get why you are wary as the US has a massive gun problem (more guns than people) but I don't the risks are different. Some of the shootings are more newsworthy so it gives a skewed impression.

I’d take the whole family, it seems a bit OTT to be so concerned when you’re an American citizen unless something you’re not sharing? My ex is always stopped when entering the US, no doubt due to colour of his skin, and he always tells the kids to walk through with their white mother if they don’t want to be stopped, but it doesn’t stop him travelling if need be. Your family will be upset, and it seems like a bit of a silly reason for you not to all go.

Honestly I wouldn’t take the risk of taking your family there right now. ICE get bonuses for every person they detain and there are loads of reported cases of people being held for weeks, separated from family, when they haven’t done anything wrong.

It’s a small risk, statistically, but it is there.

We used to holiday in the US every year, sometimes twice a year, but I refuse to go at the moment.

I think it’s a fair compromise to just go by yourself - when friends and family ask why you can explain that ICE has been randomly detaining British people, they likely have no idea.

And flying from Ireland gives you some level of protection but several people (including the British pensioner detained for 6 weeks recently) have been held while actually trying to leave the US - they get threatened with deportation when the are already actively trying to leave! So it doesn’t protect your family while you are trying to leave sadly.

I wouldn't take my kids. I work for a university in a country that is neither the US nor the UK, and we are getting advice to reconsider travel.

it’s going to be fine. Most of the people being picked up have overstayed visas and things like that.

I’ve leapt on here, not really to comment on the wedding - I think you just need to decide whether you go or not and it sounds like it’s close family so I would consider going - but to comment on what you say about how your kids are ‘eligible for US citizenship’.

As you are an American citizen, your children ARE already American citizens by birth. This is not something you apply for. They are automatically and legally Americans. You just haven’t applied for their American passport yet. Even if you ignore this, this could still come to bite them in the backside once they are adult as their tax reporting obligations will be the same as yours - annual return to the IRS, capital gains tax on sale of your principal residence (which a UK citizen doesn’t pay).

If you or your children want to relinquish their citizenship, you need to do it via a very careful process. You can’t just decide one day to give it up.Otherwise you become a ‘bad ex patriot’ which again has many consequences and ramifications.

I know this because of my own family circumstance.

Personally I would get the passports for your children - it will make going in and out of the US very easy. They have the option too as adults whether or not they want to work in what is still the wealthiest country in the world with huge amounts of job opportunity, or to stay in Little England that post Brexit is frankly going down the pan

I won’t travel to the US at the moment. Side note - your children may automatically be considered citizens and therefore required by law to enter the US using US passports.

https://travel.state.gov/en/international-travel/planning/personal-needs/dual-nationality.html

”If your child is a citizen of the United States, they are not eligible for a U.S. visa. This is true even if you have not taken steps to document your child as a U.S. citizen. If you want to enter or leave the United States with your U.S. citizen child, you must obtain a U.S. passport for them.“

I wouldn't want to go to the US right now so I understand your feelings to a point, but it seems very extreme to me to prevent your family from attending a family wedding just for that.

If your children aren't American then they would just enter the country as tourists with your husband. As far as I know there are no guidance against British tourists entering the US.

I'm not sure what you mean by "being separated". Yes you might have to cross the border through a different line, but your kids will be with your husband, it's not a big deal.
It happens in plenty of countries,. including the UK if some members of the family are British or EU, and others are non-EU.

Interrogations at US border can be absolutely stupid and patronising, but not unsafe.

We are the same setup but it’s my husband that’s American. We have no problems going in and out the states- presumably because we are all white and they see him as “one of their own”. Have you considered flying via Dublin and clearing immigration there? I found the TSA officers to be a lot less intimidating when they aren’t on their own soil and are unarmed.

Ny husband and I are Americans but we immigrated to the uk 20 years ago and our kids were born here. We all have 2 passports and I still didn’t want to take them to the states last year. It’s a weird time.

The major issue for you is your kids are possibly American but would be travelling on British passports. I don’t know what you’d need to do for their visa, but could that get picked up? My friend in the same situation didn’t bring her kids to the states as she didn’t want to get into issues with that.

Honestly? I’d go and I’d take the kids.

They aren’t randomly splitting young families up at airports let alone families where one parent is a US citizen.

surely there have always been ‘guns around’ in the US? The ‘weird atmosphere’ isn’t everywhere and won’t affect your sisters wedding?

if you’re from a liberal state then how bad can it be.

It’s not necessarily true. Her kids are American if she was a resident in the states long enough to pass it down. My kids are American by birth, but their kids likely won’t be as they aren’t living in the states and probably never will.

That’s a good idea.

OP is an American Citizen, wasn’t just resident. Her kids are American citizens - automatically by birth. There are very clear rules on this. I know because we are in this exact situation. This can trip people up quite a number of decades down the line, as it did Boris Johnson.

It’s this bit. It’s totally possible for someone to be American but not eligible to pass down citizenship.

I wouldn't choose to holiday there, but its your sisters wedding so I think you should go

It’s your sister’s wedding, of course you all go. The Dublin suggestion is brilliant. Go and have a wonderful time. I would.

Hi all, thanks for the helpful suggestions especially re: Dublin

I do know that the kids are citizens but there is a process to confirm their citizenship and obtain passports that I have not yet done because it requires applying at the embassy, and having documents that prove I grew up in the US which I need to get from schools and uni etc. I just haven't done it. We have travelled twice with my older child (in 2022 & 2023) on an ESTA without a problem. I was under the impression this was permissible but maybe need to check that out.

American DP did this with his daughter twice when she was very little, and the first time just got told off, and the second time got told under no circumstances would he be allowed to do it again and if he wanted to bring her back a third time she needed a US passport....