Do you love your body?

[Jigglywigglypuff]

I hate my body. I wish I didn't, and I try not to, but I really do hate it. I hate that my belly is constantly flabby looking and has wrinkles all over it from pregnancies. I hate that my face is sagging and puffy after the pregnancies. I'm not even 30 yet. I've been eating quite a bit lately at dinnertime because I'm so stressed out right now. My skin is breaking out from recently taking anti-biotics and from the stress. I've stopped eating lunches to try and keep weight down.

I used to be so confident. I used to be really in shape. A horrifically toxic relationship ruined that and my ex has just completely gotten into my head. He would always tell me how I never got back to how I used to look before kids and when I restricted calories. I just constantly hear his voice telling me how I never got back and its created this obsession within me that i'll only ever look good if I look how I did before kids, which of course will never happen (without surgery). I feel guilty for eating anything lately.

I'm too embarrassed to go to the gym. I find working out at home daunting because I'm so distracted by all the housework that needs doing as well as caring for my kids. I don't want them to see my pick myself apart in the mirror and do this to themselves, too. I don't do it in front of them but they will likely see me in years to come and I pray im not still doing it then.

People all agree I'm not actually fat. My DM always says things like she wishes she had a figure like mine, I'm lucky I can fit into small clothes, and so on - but it feels so patronising and I hate it when she says it.

I'm at the lower end of the BMI scale, which is why I can't comprehend why I actually look this bad?? It's my stomach and face that bother me the most.

It's upsetting because I love wearing revealing clothes that make me feel confident to events and in summer and on holiday, etc. But I'm trying on these outfits and looking in the mirror and feeling like a complete fool for thinking I can wear them. My belly wrinkles when I move or bend down and I don't want to be shamed or laughed at in public, even if it's not to my face.

How do I feel confident again? I'm going to try and restrict calories again but when I did that last year it made the loose belly skin even worse. I can't win. Am I just doomed to wear baggy clothes 24/7 and accept that I'm just not good looking anymore? This post sounds so egotistical and I already hate myself for it.

Do you love your body? Do you accept it's flaws? How do you find confidence to wear clothes that make you feel good if you don't love your body? If you didn't used to love it but now do, how did you achieve that? Have I just gone mad? Sure feels like it.

I have also self-referred for therapy to get a professional perspective on this, but have been told waiting times are over a year.

You are being unreasonable - work to fix your body if you hate it

You're not being unreasonable - it's all in your head, wear what you want

I’m sorry you feel this way OP - your body is amazing and has nourished and grown your DCs which is incredible.

Remember his opinion was just one person . One horrible, toxic person who needed to put you down to make himself feel better. His opinion doesn’t matter. It didn’t them and it certainly doesn’t now.

Your opinion does matter and we all need to feel comfortable in our own skin. It’s hard to find time when you got little ones but there is time - running with them in a buggy is a great idea, squats whilst waiting for the kettle, skipping, trampolining while they play out. I used to have a bike with a trailer on for the DCs and it was great exercise (and yes, I rode on the pavement, sorry!). Also Pilates for your core is excellent.

I was at a hotel and saw my body in a full length mirror and I was just horrified. My psych meds have made me put on 8 stone. I used to be tiny while eating whatever I wanted. My metabolism was just great. Now every month I feel like I'm eating less and every month I'm putting on something like half a stone. It's crazy. Today I've had 2 rice puddings and a bowl of rice and vegetables. I'm going to get my thyroid checked. I've got some debts to pay off but when I've done that I'll be getting on weight loss injections.

Stretch marks do fade and keep fading over time

Awwww - I didn't mean to make you well up.

Take small steps into your happy future - a diet focusing on nutrition is the best possible thing you could do for yourself and your babies. You can work your way up to facing the gym (try not to worry about judgement there).

Skipping meals and restricting calories is a way of making yourself as invisible and unimportant as possible. It's a very defensive approach. It's the choice of a woman who is still waiting for the next cruel words to tear her down, and she's hiding from them.

Book a facial, and move on next to a massage. When someone you loved never loved you back, or it came with strings, a massage in a pleasant, neutral setting can feel really liberating, and not just because you're going out and paying for something good for yourself. The simple experience of touch from someone who will never judge you or hurt you is really refreshing after a relationship with someone cruel.

I sound like I'm a similar size to you, low BMI but a bit of extra wrinkly skin in the belly area since kids. I have no issues with my body, in fact I'd actually like to gain some weight and get stronger so I've joined the gym and started heavy lifting. It's really made a difference to my core and, while the wrinkly belly skin isn't going away, underneath that feels pretty solid. Maybe focusing on gaining strength would help you feel more positive about your body? I agree with a PP though that therapy might be a good idea to tackle your body images, especially as you're not overweight. Kids definitely pick up on their parents feeling negative about their bodies and internalise it.

As far as I am concerned I am just happy if my body works.
As you get older and have serious health issues your perspective on what your body looks like really changes, or at least that is my experience.
Plus even just on a purely appearance level, I wish was as slim now as I was when I thought I was fat back in my youth.
It is all relative.

Yes, I love my body :) my tummy grew my two beautiful little girls, which seems pretty incredible to me. My legs carry me wherever I want to go, I have a tongue that lets me enjoy delicious food, eyes that let me see the world and ears to hear it. I have hands that let me do all sorts of things, and a brain that allows me to experience the universe through all my other senses. My body is pretty amazing and I’m very grateful for it.

Sure, after a couple of kids it’s a bit softer and chubbier than it once was, and it looks a bit different. But that seems trivial considering it is in full working order, and it’s mine.

I love my body, even though it's definitely seen better days. In the words of Nina Simone, I got life:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L5jI9I03q8E

I got my tongue, got my chin
Got my neck, got my boobies
Got my heart, got my soul
Got my back, I got my sex
I got my arms, got my hands
Got my fingers, got my legs
Got my feet, got my toes
Got my liver, got my blood!!!

You'd definitely benefit from some therapy, OP. I bet you're beautiful. You're so young and you deserve to feel better about yourself. Good luck.

As a woman of 30, and a mother, your experience shows. Get comfortable with this.

This piece might be worth reading. I found it very interesting.

Love it? No, but I don't hate it.

I absolutely loved it in the middle trimester of each pregnancy; I felt beautiful and powerful and was amazed every day by how wonderful a job it was doing growing a person and how fantastic it looked whilst doing so.

I weigh more than I want to now (but am almost 7 weeks into taking wegovy and that's going well) and I am seeing the effects of starting to age (but that's normal, we age, it's not like my body is doing anything wrong by refusing to remain 30 forever), and I have all sorts of things that given the choice I would not have (stretch marks and hairs growing in random stupid places and loose skin and spider veins etc etc etc) but none of those things are worthy of hating my body or self for.

I love this comment so much. I love things explained through metaphors. Just feels like my brain thinks if my car ain't perfect, then my car ain't shit, yano? Just wish I could get that thought process out of my head!

You sound like you've created such a wonderful community doing wonderful things, I wish I could be a part of it. I have a Nuffield close to me and think im going to give it a go. If everyone laughs at me and I make a fool of myself ill just move countries lol. I used to go to Pure gym (a few different locations) and just really didn't vibe with it.

Thanks so much for the advice!

Im so sorry for what you went through. I'm not anorexic but I feel the mental state of obsessing over food and weight and appearance. It used to be much worse, and im scared because I can feel it creeping back and it's terrifying. I'm trying do hard to live myself and appreciate my body but it just feels forced. One day at a time. When I was racing to do the nursery run earlier I was thinking about my legs getting able to carry me without hurting and it made me grateful for that at least. Thanks so much for your advice, it was helpful, and I hope you're doing good now 💖

This is great advice. Im trying to get myself into this mindset of just doing it because it want to, I don't want to regret my life of being anxious and not doing anything out of fear of judgement. It just feels hard in the moment. I think I need to learn to be brave as well lol. Thank you

I'd say like rather than love. In an ideal world, I'd have slimmer legs and narrower hips. I like to eat heapthily as it makes me feel good in myself and I also prefer to be slim.

I don't very much like what middle age is doing to my face, but I dont feel moved to have filler, botox or any of that nonsense, becasue I like myself as a human being and treat myself with respect as a whole.

I'll settle for that.

I don't mind mine and I'm 60 and a size 20/22.

I was a size 10 from being 14 to about 48 and I always used to say that I thought what you weighed and what you looked like was trivial. Friends scoffed and said that was easy for me to say.

Turns out I genuinely thought it. Having quit smoking, hit menopause, developed a chronic condition and subsequently put on about 7 stone I genuinely still think it is trivial.

What I look like is the least interesting thing about me. But I see you are still in your 20s so I have a bit of sympathy for you feeling crappy. What I would say is that I don't think anyone else is probably thinking about what you look like except you. Focus on being happy as the person you are, rather than what your body looks like would be my advice.

This is kinda how I feel in my mind, like im supposed to be the fit healthy version of myself that I used to be. But it just isnt happening, like there's just a rock blocking my path. Yeah I am trying to focus now on thinking of all the positives my body does. Today I appreciated my legs carrying ne through the nursery run, pushing a heavy pram and straddling my screaming daughter to my hip lol. I wore a hideous rain coat that I hate but just kept reminding myself that im not my clothes, my appearance doesn't determine my worth. Its not sitting right in my brain yet but im trying.

Never even considered I was using food and exercise as a punishment, which I definitely am. I think I need to reconfigure my whole relationship with diet and exercise before jumping into anything to be honest. I really appreciate this comment, thank you so much ❤️

Thank you for saying this. I think noone ive ever spoken to about him has ever really said the things he said to me werent actually true. And it's stupid because you would assume id figure that out for myself but I just... didn't. His word was gospel and my brain is struggling to erase that and I hate that I cant stop thinking it. So thank you, that did help. And thanks so much for your kind words and advice, I do cherish this and all the other comments, seriously. You sound so confident and vibrant and like a wonderful woman. I want to be like that. Im trying to find that version of myself and I so hope I can, though I know its a long road ahead. Thank you for this

Feel this one deeply. My mum was in her 30s in the 90s and this impacted her mindset a lot. My sister was also in her formative years during this time and well, it affects her to this day. I grew up late 90s early 2000s where dieting pills were rife. Size 8 women shamed for not being a 0. Truly sickening times. I got dieting pills from someone when I was 8 years old. Because I was bullied for being fat. Was a horrible time to be alive tbh and im glad you brought this up as Im beginning to realise how deep my issues with myself may run. A part of me feels like this insecurity over my weight and appearance is my inner child crying out not to be bullied again. I dont know, my head is scrambled and I dont really know what im trying to say. Im sorry this happened to you as well. I so hope we can recover, just so difficult when its what you learnt so early on.

Im so sorry for what you've been through and are going through. I really hope the hospital staff can help you get back in good health. I can't help but feel the same about being single. The thought of being with someone feels so daunting as I feel a constant need to look better and above a certain standard so I don't get abused verbally by them or cheated on. People say it won't happen but you hear it all the time. I know the issue is with the men themselves, but you just don't know if the person your with is one of them until it starts happening. It terrifies me. Forever alone club bring it in

I wonder if it might help you to think about yourself apart from your body. Who are you?

What do you like doing? What do you not like doing? What are your hobbies? What are your values and characteristics?

Take your attention off your physical body. Think more about you as a whole.

Aw thank you. I really do need a massive hug right now more than I ever have. I really love this comment. It feels so warm like my mum wrote it lol. You sound like an unbelievable woman and mother. A strong, solid role model. Have had a very similar experience to your early life in mine thus far and it feels as if it'll be this way forever. All of these wonderful comments from these brilliant women are actually really helping to begin to change my perspective on things and im honestly surprised. I really do want and need therapy. Its been a long time since I had a deep and important conversation with anyone really. I just want to finally feel value in myself that isn't attached to appearance. I want to be confident wearing and doing what I want without worrying what others think. I hope I can get there. Thank you so much ❤️

I love that you accept yourself now and how incredible your body is. I hope I'm able to do the same. And I will look her up, thank you! I could use some body positivity. I don't really use social media much anymore at all. Like, I have an Instagram account but I don't use it to scroll, I just use it to find people that I'm stalking lol. Idk, I just need to focus more on who I am. This version of me now just feels lost

I am surprised how many people don't. I love mine! It's amazing and has served me well.

I neither love nor hate my body, but I’m certainly… attached to it. I’d find it extraordinarily hard, for example, if I had to have a limb amputated. I’ve seen them all grow and change over the years.

I have chronic illnesses but I don’t regard my body as betraying me, rather it’s doing its best in difficult circumstances. One day, both it and I will cease to function and that will be a sad parting of the ways. I hope for a green burial so that my body will return to the earth from whence it came. I, on the other hand, will just… go. So it will outlast me in that respect.

I try to be neutral about mine. It’s not always easy! I’m 53, and peri-menopause has really changed my shape - I’m a size 12 (used to be a 10/12) but now have a wobbly tummy which I never had before, and my face looks jowl-y. But I walk 10-15K steps a day, lift weights, and do reformer Pilates, so I think my body is pretty strong, and I want it to be stronger still.