Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner cheated on me and was caught doing it

49 replies

Leabee1234 · 25/02/2026 14:43

My partner of 1 year was caught on a night out by someone I know cheating on me. She said she saw him kissing another woman multime times and dancing aith her. I am heartbroken. He says he was blackout drunk ans dont remember anything but says this woman is lying as his friends say he didnt. However this woman has no reason what so ever to lie about it. It has broken me. I was always paranoid about when he went out before and told myself it was ok as I have not been treated well in thr past and he promised me he would never do anything. However he always gets so drunk to point he dont remember and comes strolling in at 4am. His friends are bad influences too ive never liked them and they all either cheat on their girlfriends or are hunting for girls. I loved him so much we lived together and he has been close to my son who I have from a previous relationship. I dont feel he is sorry at all as he keeps saying she's lying and trying to make me feel crazy but he cant remember anything . I dont know how id ever trust him again. How do I listen to my head and not my heart. I really thought I found the one. My heart is broken. All ive had is shit relationships and this one was the best out of a bad bunch. The thought of starting ahsin and being alone terrifies me. He knows what ive been through in the past aswell. Any words of support or comfort would help right now or anyone who has been in same position .

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 25/02/2026 14:47

Get rid.

He has shitty friends with shitty attitudes.
He gets wasted often.
You don't trust him.

Any one of those reasons would be enough, frankly 'I don't like the way you behave' would be enough.

You will keep being in shitty relationships if you keep accepting shitty behaviour.

Remind yourself of this - you don't love who he REALLY is. You love who he pretends to be for short periods, when it suits him, when he wants something, when he hasn't a better offer.

So you don't actually love him at all, you love a fantasy, a fiction. Its not real. Get rid!

SparklyGlitterballs · 25/02/2026 14:48

Try thinking about your son in all this, and how it's affecting him. Whether he's cheated or not this man is not good bf material if he's drinking regularly until he's almost passed out, or coming back at 4am. Get rid of him and give your head a wobble. You should only just be gently introducing a man to your child at this stage, not living with him.

EverythingGolden · 25/02/2026 14:50

I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s very convenient he cannot remember the night, and that in itself is a massive red flag if true, which it most likely isn’t. It has only been a year, you should cut your losses, you will be ok and recover sooner than you think.

SandyY2K · 25/02/2026 14:50

He knows damn well what he did. All his mates cheat, so why wouldn't he.

Get rid.

momtoboys · 25/02/2026 14:52

How old are you?

Itstimeforachangeagain · 25/02/2026 14:53

So sorry OP.
Q
If his friends all cheat and go out looking for girls you can be pretty sure they are not a bad influence on him: he is just the same as them or else he wouldn't hang around with these odious guys

Tbh even without the cheating him getting black out drunk and staying out half the night on a regulat basis is enough reason to finish with the guy

You at keast have found out who he is now. You deserve better

CitizenZ · 25/02/2026 14:55

How can he deny doing something when he claims he was blackout drunk and can't remember? Believe your friend and send him on his merry way. It's better to be alone than with someone you cannot trust! I'm sorry you're going through this.

BackIn20 · 25/02/2026 14:56

However he always gets so drunk to point he dont remember and comes strolling in at 4am. His friends are bad influences too ive never liked them and they all either cheat on their girlfriends or are hunting for girls

Is this what you envisioned for 'the one'?

All ive had is shit relationships and this one was the best out of a bad bunch

This is also a sad read. You deserve better.

ChalkOrCheese · 25/02/2026 14:57

You can do so much better than a bloke that gets blackout drunk. Just dump him and move on. He isn't a partner. He's an exploitative piece of shit looking for a convenient woman to put up with him. Men like him look for women they can treat badly because it suits them.

There are just bad men out there nit worth your time.

WallaceinAnderland · 25/02/2026 14:57

I'm guessing you're going to stay with him 'because I love him' so what is it you want from this thread OP because everyone is going to tell you to leave this loser who most certainly does not love you.

Highlighta · 25/02/2026 15:02

You are living together after only knowing each other a year?

Whose idea was that OP?

He is not good for you.
You say you have not been treated well in the past. Can you see now why people say you don't know someone properly until you have known them at least for 18 months.

You need to break this off and then please, go and do some work on you. Work on your self esteem and boundries.

MrsMoastyToasty · 25/02/2026 15:06

He's saying she's lying BECAUSE he got found out and he's going to lose his free housekeeper/regular shag (you).
Stop thinking with your fanny and start thinking with your head. Having no man at all is better than having a bad man.

BauhausOfEliott · 25/02/2026 15:06

Why does being alone terrify you?

Is it not better to be single than to be in a relationship with someone who cheats?

adlitem · 25/02/2026 15:07

You are 1 year in and he's cheating. As painful as it is cut your losses before you've wasted a decade on him.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 25/02/2026 15:09

His friends are bad influences too ive never liked them and they all either cheat on their girlfriends or are hunting for girls

He isnt a diamond in the rough. People with good moral values dont surround themselves with people who routinely cheat on their girlfriends and hunt for girls. He is not being badly influenced by others. He is one of them.

If you have had all bad relationships then you need to look at yourself. Where are you meeting them? What are you disclosing to them? Have you had any therapy?

Dump him immediately.

notacooldad · 25/02/2026 15:12

The thought of starting ahsin and being alone terrifies me
Why?
Don't let fear turn you into a doormat and being used by someone.
Your boyfriend knows what he has done and sees nothing wrong with it.
You say his mates cheat on their girlfriends or go hunting women, well have you heard the expression 'birds of a feather fly together'? In otherwords people hanging round with their own sort. This is exactly what your boyfriend is doing.

Don't be afraid of going alone. I did it for years. Many of my friends are single bringing up their children and having careers. Learn to embrace your independence and then decide if a man deserves a place in your life later on.
Seriously, value yourself and your child more than any boyfriend.

pocketpairs · 25/02/2026 15:15

Really?! You're acting like a doormat, but we both know you'll forgive him, and he'll do it again...and again..

Endofyear · 25/02/2026 17:17

I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to dump this loser. He's hanging around with friends who cheat on their girlfriends because he's a cheat too. You are better off single than with someone who treats you with so little respect, lies to you and cheats on you.

Before you start another relationship, you need to think hard about the kinds of men you are choosing - it's not just random bad luck if all your relationships have been with bad men. Maybe think about some counselling to address why you're repeating this pattern. And keep any new boyfriend well away from your son for at least a year - he doesn't need a procession of men through his life.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 25/02/2026 17:19

He's either cheated - dump him

or

He's drinking so much that he's getting blackout drunk - dump him.

Butterflywings84 · 25/02/2026 17:19

Please don’t settle for “the best of a bad bunch”

Sostewedover · 25/02/2026 17:19

Get rid and raise the bar. Block delete any man who has disrespected you or made you feel uncomfortable. Be ruthless and it you want a lovely relationship and you are willing to work on yourself as well, you will get one when you are ready.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 25/02/2026 17:19

I'd leave him because he's a drunkard.

FilthyforFirth · 25/02/2026 17:21

Probably time to focus on your child/ren. He is a bf of only a year but already living with you? And he's a cheating waster? Come on, do better.

Shoxfordian · 25/02/2026 17:22

I hope your title has a typo and you mean ex partner

Brightlittlecanary · 25/02/2026 17:23

I’m sorry you need to get rid. He won’t respect you for staying with him. You know he’s lying, he knows you know he’s lying.