Partner cheated on me and was caught doing it

[Leabee1234]

My partner of 1 year was caught on a night out by someone I know cheating on me. She said she saw him kissing another woman multime times and dancing aith her. I am heartbroken. He says he was blackout drunk ans dont remember anything but says this woman is lying as his friends say he didnt. However this woman has no reason what so ever to lie about it. It has broken me. I was always paranoid about when he went out before and told myself it was ok as I have not been treated well in thr past and he promised me he would never do anything. However he always gets so drunk to point he dont remember and comes strolling in at 4am. His friends are bad influences too ive never liked them and they all either cheat on their girlfriends or are hunting for girls. I loved him so much we lived together and he has been close to my son who I have from a previous relationship. I dont feel he is sorry at all as he keeps saying she's lying and trying to make me feel crazy but he cant remember anything . I dont know how id ever trust him again. How do I listen to my head and not my heart. I really thought I found the one. My heart is broken. All ive had is shit relationships and this one was the best out of a bad bunch. The thought of starting ahsin and being alone terrifies me. He knows what ive been through in the past aswell. Any words of support or comfort would help right now or anyone who has been in same position .

And he knows this too hence why he does it , this won’t be the first girl or the last , he can smell how desperate you are to keep
him so he knows you won’t leave regardless what he does .
Get some self respect and work on yourself whilst you’re on your own and discover your own self worth , you will then find someone better who deserves you ! He can’t even show you the respect to tell you the truth …

and if you have a Son , he’s watching how men treat you and he will treat his future girls the same way ….

Blackout drunk and coming back at 4am - he sounds awful.

You are living with someone who regularly comes home blackout drunk? After only knowing them for a year?

Does your son live with you too? How old is your son? If he is still a child then you should not be exposing him to this.

Raise your bar. Put your son and yourself first. Get rid of this loser.

You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps.

If he's hanging out with cheats and divvies, he's cut from the same cloth. Don't kid yourself he's different from them.

You rushed your relationship and moved your alcoholic boyfriend in with you and your kid and he's already cheating. Bad move.

Evict him and stay single for a while. Learn to spot red flags in men.

"His friends are bad influences too ive never liked them and they all either cheat on their girlfriends or are hunting for girls."
To fall back on the old saying - 'a man is known by the company that he keeps'. Or the snappier 'birds of a feather flock together'. They all cheat on their girlfriends? So does he. They all hunt for girls? So does he. They are no more a bad influence on him than he is on them. There's a reason they're his friends, and he is theirs - they want the same things.

"I dont know how id ever trust him again."
Why on earth would you trust him? He's a liar and a cheat. Not worthy of your trust again. Ever.

"All ive had is shit relationships and this one was the best out of a bad bunch."
Unfortunately, having being in a shit relationship makes you vulnerable to entering other shit relationships. It desensitises you to poor behaviour so that you accept it. And the sort of men who revel in their poor behaviour - abusers - are able to pick up on that. Yes, your boyfriend is an abuser, his behaviour is abusive. He cheats on you and "he keeps saying she's lying and trying to make me feel crazy" - that's abuse. So, he's a cheating lying abuser with a serious problem with alcohol. GET RID!

"The thought of starting ahsin and being alone terrifies me."
Honestly? You need to not be in a relationship for a while. You need to step back awhile and work on yourself. Learn what boundaries you need to have, and how to put them in place. Read up on Shark Cage Theory, consider doing The Freedom Programme, it's available online.

Silver lining - "My partner of 1 year" - you've only spent a year with this loser, so he hasn't wasted too much of your time. But you need to get him out of your life, out of your son's life, and you need to stay away from relationships until your head is in the right place and you can protect yourself and your son from abusers.

You get rid. Do your son a favour, at least.

You deserve better than this, OP.

He sounds like an alcoholic man child. Remove him from yours and your child's life and spend some time alone. It's good for you x

You moved a man into your child’s home knowing him less than a year?

Oh OP that sounds just horrible.

You know, you know that his friends have the “Bro’s before Ho’s” mentality. That’s his pack. They have his back, and he has theirs.

You were never, you will never be a priority beyond being available for sex.

Of course he cheated. She has nothing to gain by lying, he has. And you know it.
And that’s before you start to think about his being black out useless drunk at 4 in the morning - also a red card offence in and of itself.

You deserve so so much better. Being alone will give you time to heal and grow. He knows you are desperate not to be alone, that’s why he picked you. No woman with self respect would go near him.

All the time you have low self worth, absolute tossers like this specimen will be there ready to prey on you.

He was so drunk he can't remember anything but she is lying because he didn't do it...well which one is it? Can he not remember or did he not do it? How can he be so sure if he can't remember. I can't see someone telling you this when it's not true and his mates will obviously say he didn't. Sorry op, hope you're ok xx

His friends cheat and therefore lie. They are comfortable lying and covering for each other regularly so you can't trust what they've said. They drinking and staying out so late would also be a deal-breaker for me. Sorry you're heartbroken op, you deserve better.

Are there any good points to him at all?

He gets blackout drunk and rolls in at 4am.
His friends aren’t nice.
He cheated on you.

Being single is better than this shit x

Why did you move this loser in with you and your son??

No man at all is better than a crappy one.
Why do you need a man to be happy ? Make a life with your son. Put him first.
He’ll be nice to you now because he doesn’t want to pay rent somewhere else. Judge him by his actions. Talk is cheap!

Also stop being so desperate. Desperate women attract a particular type of man.

Be on your own. Give yourself time to learn that you are okay on your own and that you don’t need a partner.

Once you have that confidence, you will be in a relationship because you choose it, not because you need it.

If you’re desperate, show it, and act like a doormat, you will get walked all over.

Saying he’s ‘the best of a bad bunch’ signifies that you are in a pattern of picking losers - you need to change that.

A year was much too soon to move him in, with your child there. It’s not fair on the child.

Be on your own for a while, and just rear your child.

Thank you everyone ive ended it fully with him. He doesnt go out often but when he does i cant trust him. And he has gaslit me fir the last month saying he didnt do it and I believe a woman who is lying and just for that he shouldnt be with me. Trying to turn it around on me when ive been the one heartbroken and confused. I begged him to take accountability but he refuses and would deny it into the ground. And calls me easily led and bad for not believing him. I am letting go now fully and focusing in me and my son

Thank you everyone ive ended it fully with him. He doesnt go out often but when he does i cant trust him. And he has gaslit me fir the last month saying he didnt do it and I believe a woman who is lying and just for that he shouldnt be with me. Trying to turn it around on me when ive been the one heartbroken and confused. I begged him to take accountability but he refuses and would deny it into the ground. And calls me easily led and bad for not believing him. I am letting go now fully and focusing in me and my son

You can do better. Throw him back.

but also please don’t have men living with you and “being so close with your son” after only a year together. A year is nothing.

You’ve done the right thing OP.
But please don’t get into a relationship until you can think about this and recognise the multiple red flags in his behavior.

He is skank. His friends are skank. You deserve better.

Christ, you let him move in? When? How long has he been living with you and your child?

You say you've split now but have you? If you let him move in, then it's not that easy is it? It's easy to say on here you've fixed it but I just worry that the logistics mean you might end up letting him stay to do it again and again.

Why do we see these stories every day!>?>?