To go on holiday during MIL's birthday weekend

[Frustratedandpissedoff]

DP and I are planning on booking a holiday later this year, the only time this year that I have 2 weeks off together. Due to limited flights and our choice of destination, it looks like we may be heading off the day after (Sunday) his mum's 60th (Saturday). She says she doesn't want a big fuss but I know there will be some sort of celebration which may be held on the Sunday due to people's work schedules. No concrete plans have been made yet.
DP says that it's fine but I feel a bit bad about potentially going on holiday during her 60th celebrations, and the fact that she is a bit old-fashioned about an unmarried couple holidaying together doesn't help either...(we don't live together)
If it wasn't a big birthday I wouldn't give it a second thought. Am I being ridiculous?

Well, she's not your actual MIL, so it really doesn't matter.
Go, I wouldn't even factor her in.

Haha, I just put MIL to make the title shorter :)

Hmm, I think missing his mum’s 60th celebration is quite a big deal. Can’t you go on Monday instead?

Although tbf it’s his decision. I’d just think he’s being a pretty shit son

Can he ask her about her plans before booking the holiday? Probably not ideal for him to miss her 60th celebration.

I would absolutely not miss her celebration, like I said her actual birthday is the Saturday, I just don't know yet whether it will be celebrated on Saturday or Sunday. We will definitely spend time with her on the Saturday unless FIL decides to take her away or something.
Majority of flights to where we want to go are on the Sunday so it would cut out quite a few options if we went later in the week.

Between me and DP I am the only one who is even giving this any thought lol

Well, just let everyone know, and if there’s a party it can be held on her actual birthday?

I think it would be a bit mean.

Ask if it's going to be on her actual birthday. That should really be the priority plus the fact it's easier for your partner as her child. Does she have other children and are they the people who would prefer the Sunday?

It's not until June so I doubt anyone has started planning, but I have just texted DP asking him to either find out rough plans or we look at other dates. I don't want to cause any upset.
DP has one sister who tends to work Saturdays, and some extended family members may not be available on Saturdays.

Extended family not available on a Saturday? But her actual son isn’t available on the Sunday so she makes her choice, doesn’t she?

This hasn't come from MIL herself. I am just estimating.

You are kind to be thinking of this. I know my son would be exactly the same. Its less on their radar. Basically ( huge generalisation ) men are more thoughtless.
My daughters were kind enough to arrange lovely things on my 60th. My son turned up.:)
If he had not done so and gone away I would have said I understood but would have been quietly upset. Not enough to ever have a famous MN no contact fallout!

I’d say you probably shouldn’t go away then, it should be a everyone together kind of weekend that goes on until Sunday evening (breakfast/ lunch/ a walk and or board games etc on the Sunday)

Can you just leave that weekend free for whatever she plans and be flexible with your holiday arrangements? It’s a big birthday and she’ll only turn 60 once.

Wow. I would never miss a parent’s big birthday. Really shit behaviour.

And to be honest, it’s less than ideal enough that he hasn’t planned anything!

We have decided to go later in the week :)

I'm a MIL and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest . Just take her out for lunch before or after your holiday .

I think that's a good decision.

It would be pretty poor to miss his Mum's celebration. Even if they did something on the Saturday, then getting up early to be at the airport wouldn't be ideal.

If you have 2 weeks (which is 16 days counting all the weekends) in June, there are 1000s of decent holidays you could go on for 10 days or 12 days or even building your own holiday and not doing a package. It would be a shame to miss the weekend.

I don't see what the problem is.

If her birthday is on the Saturday and you can spend some time with her on that day and celebrate her birthday with her then why is possibly missing out on another general celebration an issue?

You and your partner get your holiday together at the only time possible to have it and your DP's DM gets 2 birthday celebrations. Sounds like a win win situation to me.

I have a similar situation but it is my mum's 60th. We either take a day or two off school and leave earlier to get a weeks holiday in October school holidays or just don't go at that time. My mum would never say anything but I know she would be hurt if we were not a part of her celebration. It also boils down to that I would rather be with her than not.

If your partner isn't fussed and she is their mum then I'd go when you have planned. I'd spend her actual birthday with her and do something fun the weekend before. If it's at the planning stage I'd say know that you guys are away the day after the birthday.

This is his problem. You don’t live together so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I’d suggest he spend the Saturday doing something special with his mom though.

just to add if your relationship progresses she’s a lucky future mil having such a thoughtful potential DIL

What is your relationship like with your MIL @Frustratedandpissedoff ?

Do you live with your DP? How long have you been with him?