Man in ladies swimming pool showers with his phone out.

[CreativeNative]

Today, after my daughters had their swimming lesson, I went to the ladies showers. There used to be separate changing rooms for men and women, but both changing areas are now unisex. There is one shower block at the end of what used to be the ladies changing rooms. These are still for ladies only. There is another shower block for men.

A man and his son, who I hadn’t seen at the pool before, ended up in the ladies showers. I have seen mothers helping their sons in these showers before, but I also think the man may have not realised that these are for women.

Anyway, the man was standing in the shower block, with his phone in his hand.

Now, there is a corridor that leads to the showers, but he was literally right in the shower area, maybe a foot from where the water was spraying. I realised because a mum friend of mine took her daughter out of the showers immediately, whilst her hair still had soap in it. She told me she alerted the swimming pool front desk staff.

I understand that this is likely completely innocent, but AIBU to not understand why a man, or anyone for that matter, would deem it appropriate to have their phone out whilst in close proximity to young children showering?

Which can all be done when not in the immediate vicinity of children showering and changing…

none of those are so highly important that the must be done when in an area of privacy

This thread is both interesting and sad in the fact that the op didn't actually say or do anything at the time.

And that some (men?:) post many, many times downplaying or ridiculing any concerns.

We really need to be a bit more pro active.

I know it's not easy for some people to do, but we need to be a bit braver to safeguard children/each other.

And people who insist on actively minimising any worries could ask themselves why.

In our changing rooms (there's female, male and family) it's like a signal free zone. Well, obviously can't speak for the male - but no signal, no WiFi, nothing. They've probably done something to the build to make it that way, because every other area the signal springs back into life.

The man is either a perv or a fucking idiot, either way he'll need addressing and he'll likely more listen to management because he won't be able to roll his eyes at them or tell them to fuck off, the way he could do at some random woman telling him off.

Not that we shouldn't be able to call out that behavior, because of course we should, but it's likely the man just won't care or get very offended that we're accusing him, tell us to mind our own business/fuck off, and carry on doing it anyway.

And this is where we are with the trans madness: women feel worried about asserting perfectly reasonable boundaries for safety, safeguarding, dignity and privacy.

We live in a world where MEN (however they "identify") commit 98% of sexual crime.

We live in a world where the so-called "victimless" crimes of voyeurism, and flashing, are committed by men, who may go on to more serious assaults in the escalation of their sexual/power thrill.

YANBU @CreativeNative and the man should not have been there. He should have realised - by using his eyes - that there were only women & children in that space.

But men assume that the world is organised around them.

I do think you should have reported him OP. In fact you should start a paper trail. Email the business to firstly let them know that there was a man with his phone out in the female showers and secondly get them to clarify their policy. If it happens again, you can refer back to this and start building a bit of evidence.

Like I said he may not of known showers were single sex if the rest of the changing rooms are unisex

Maybe he didn’t realise he was in women’s showers if the rest of the changing rooms are unisex

So every dad that waits for his son to shower is now a monster?

Next to where people are showering??

He's got eyes, he can see women and children showering, he should have put his phone away. Of course people are going to think he's a perv if he doesn't.

And a womens shower area is the place to do those things? I swear, some women would be showering and seeing a man pointing a phone at them and still make excuses for why he couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong 🙄 probably just taking a selfie etc. We need to learn to override the urge to downplay things in case we offend a man

Or in fact any showers. Even giving benefit of the doubt (not having seen the signage) about it being the ladies, noone needs to have a device with a camera out in any sort of area where people are changing or washing. Get changed and go deal with it outside. I'm sorry you had to experience this selfish and thoughtless (at best) person

The OP said nothing about the man pointing a phone at anyone. She said "with his phone in his hand". It's not clear how she knew it was 'his' phone and not his son's and she doesn't say whether he was looking at it or touching the screen or whether it was held by his side. Therefore any inference from the words "with his phone in his hand" is just conjecture.

Trust your instinct. It is rarely wrong. Don't ever feel you need to justify or explain. If you feel it is wrong, it almost always is. Report it.

If it was a woman on her phone, everyone would be saying, why is she not helping her DC, she must be addicted to her phone, can people not go 5 seconds without being on their phone, why didn't she read the signs ..... but a man, well, it's fine if it's a man ...
Jeez!

And this is why I hate mixed sex changing areas.

This should never have been normalised.

It only benefits pervy men.

You should have called him out and complained to management.

This is precisely why people need to exercise common sense about having phones out and visible in changing/shower room situations. Yes, someone might make assumptions about it being his and not his son's, and likely it was innocent; but it's so easy NOT to have a phone in a shower/changing room and just not put anyone in a position where they might put 2 and 2 together and make 6; or, on the other side, risk the person with the phone being reported/censured for a completely innocent act.

@ConstanzeMozart ...or have three pages of MN comments based on one vague post 😉

If he has his phone out by the showers then yes i will assume he is a monster. Unless there was a medical emergency there is no reason on this earth for that man to have his phone in his hand. And folk making excuses for him are warped.

I don’t see the point of them either. We either have all female communal areas or self contained cubicles.

Well, yes, that's kind of my point. If you don't do it in the first place, no one can speculate on it and come to the worst conclusions.

I’m sorry I sounded judgy. I guessed individual cubicles but I still wouldn’t go sorry.

No decent man would have his phone out in a changing room or shower. Wtaf

Not necessarily ‘a monster’ but either a fucking idiot or a dodgy bloke running up way more red flags than should be ignored.

HTH.

Just having a phone out in an area where people are in swimwear or in a state of undress is a safeguarding fail.

This shouldn’t be hard to understand.