Man in ladies swimming pool showers with his phone out.

[CreativeNative]

Today, after my daughters had their swimming lesson, I went to the ladies showers. There used to be separate changing rooms for men and women, but both changing areas are now unisex. There is one shower block at the end of what used to be the ladies changing rooms. These are still for ladies only. There is another shower block for men.

A man and his son, who I hadn’t seen at the pool before, ended up in the ladies showers. I have seen mothers helping their sons in these showers before, but I also think the man may have not realised that these are for women.

Anyway, the man was standing in the shower block, with his phone in his hand.

Now, there is a corridor that leads to the showers, but he was literally right in the shower area, maybe a foot from where the water was spraying. I realised because a mum friend of mine took her daughter out of the showers immediately, whilst her hair still had soap in it. She told me she alerted the swimming pool front desk staff.

I understand that this is likely completely innocent, but AIBU to not understand why a man, or anyone for that matter, would deem it appropriate to have their phone out whilst in close proximity to young children showering?

Yeah I have never seen anyone by the showers with their phones out - highly inappropriate! If nothing else it shows he is not a great dad if he can’t stay off his phone for a couple of minutes. I think if he missed the sign saying it was the ladies section he surely would have noticed it was just women showering. Personally I would have said to him “hi are you lost, the mens showers are over there. This area is women only.”

Also the pool I use is the same set up - unisex changing rooms and then a female only shower and toilet section and a mens section down the other end. Some people use the open showers by the entrance of the pool to shower their kids - these are unisex. Never had men in the ladies showers, only boys with their mums.

I don't understand why YOU didn't tell him he was in the ladies shower area and that it looked dodgy as fuck to have his phone out there!

Do you do all that in the shower?

Horrifying. Unfortunately a significant minority of men are perverts and paedophiles. At worst, he's one of them. At best, he's a stupid arsehole.

Did you tell the pool? Have you considered logging it with 101?

Sounds like he didn’t need help

He was in the shower he doesn’t need to be in the shower with him

Probably just not thinking

the point is: they SHOULD be thinking. And not being in the womens' area.

Is the signage clear enough that it's the women's area? If so, you should have pointed that out to him. He may not have seen it.

What conceivable logical reason is there to have a mobile phone out in a gym changing room shower? He’s either up to something or (like many) so utterly addicted to his phone that he needs it with him every second of every day.

Put that situation in the boys / men’s showers (which is where he should have been anyway) and I guarantee one of the men would have challenged him on it. Even just a “hey mate, no phones in here.”

He’s possibly a pervert. He’s possibly a clueless, self absorbed idiot. But people like him need to be loudly and firmly told to stop trampling over social boundaries or they’ll carry on.

And he needed to be in the womens showers because....? Honestly, it seems like some women will happily risk exposing their children to a pervert in order to give some random guy, who is behaving unusually at best, the benefit of the doubt.
He shouldn't have been there, let alone with his phone out, I'm pretty sure thats a request men can manage.

I've no sympathy for this man, and there are no excuses.
Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows you don't use phones, or even carry one, in a shower/changing area where the opposite sex is present.
Never mind the fact that he seems dim enough not to realise that he and his son were in the wrong showers.

I'm sorry, but women - ie YOU - need to start being brave and calling this kind of behaviour out at the time, not coming to Mumsnet with it.

'Excuse me, this is the ladies changing/shower area' or 'excuse me, please put your phone away while children are in the shower', etc.

It doesn't have to be rude or aggressive, simply firm and no-nonsense. He's probably just an unthinking pillock, but he may have been a pervert.

What are you talking about? He was in the women's section. He could have easily wom by being in the men’s.

Yes! And there are fairies at the bottom of may garden too.

Most pools are like that now? With individual cubicles

Astonishing! Why do so many women willingly make excuses for pervy men?

Those women that find themselves automatically doing this need to grow up and have a word with themselves. Sexual violence against women is on the increase and your misogynist attitude doesn’t help.

Could well be innocent but staff need to speak to him. I’d have told him politely this was the girls only block, as he likely is unaware.

This. If its a young child, under 7/8ish and needing help, then should be helping. If they don't need help, then wait outside.

This drives me so mad, seeing older boys in girls changing areas under excuse that their mum is with them. Over 8 they should be able to get themselves changed in male areas (unless need assistance due to physical or learning disability, and in which case can use disabled changing facilities). Just another example of females being made to share their single sex spaces.

Why would anyone have their phone out in any municipal showers when kids were about?

I think the question is more, why would any responsible decent man be doing any of these things, when unless he lives under a rock, must surely be aware that men use their phones in these areas for nefarious purposes, and that a sight of a man with his phone out may well cause alarm. If men normalise phones in areas where children are undressed because they can't keep off them for a few minutes, then it makes it easier for other men to use them to photograph or film the children.

The set up sounds bad too. If it’s women’s only it needs a door with a sign.

None of those are acceptable in a changing room.

As a mum who takes a daughter into the changing area/showers around swimming lessons, there is zero reason to have my phone out in that area.
I can check my phone before we go in and after I leave if it’s that important.

and it’s exactly the situation for every other parent or carer, male or female.
I would have just asked him to put his phone in his pocket until he was finished in the area or if they should’ve been in different showers, I would have politely pointed that out to him. Maybe it was his first time taking the child to the lesson and it was a simple mistake. But either way, no need for a phone to be out