Help me work out if this is fair?

[easeyourfeet]

I’m feeling resentful and annoyed that things aren’t fair in lots of ways in my very long term relationship.
please can you have a read and tell me straight.

Dh had a business, he was only bringing home £30000 when he had it for years before it was less than that. We have brought up two children and they are now 20 and 18. Up until four years ago I worked four days and before that three days, Dh was full time. Dh has no pension . My job is also low money at £28000 and I’m now full time. I have a very small pension from this.

Dh lost his business and also lost his Dad in the same year. He got £50000 for the business and £100000 inheritance. He paid the mortgage off with this.

so we are mortgage free. But he still has no pension, he has found a part time job which pays £20000 and likes working 3 days a week.

This wasn’t the purpose of my post but because he is working less he should be doing more and we have two late teens who need a bit of support at the moment.
On his two days off he doesn’t get much done around the house

we can afford to live at the moment. But I’m resentful about the pension.

im just wondering if I’m being a cow because he has paid that mortgage off?

Why? When did she work full time so that he could have have a year or two off for training?

She worked part time for many, many years for 'lifestyle reasons'. Now he wants to do the same she's pissed off and resentful, despite him having brought far more to the table financially than her.

When it comes down to it, her resentment comes from deep rooted sexism, where she thinks that, as a woman, she's entitled to be financially supported by a man and not take equal financial responsibility for the family she jointly created.

Op I think you mean for this to be about division of labour, that shouldn’t be fully on wage/ pension or outside work or else sahms and those of us in mw job would have to do everything in the house full stop

You have a household income of 48k, the mortgage is paid off, and you have years to go before you retire. Why on earth do think you’ll be poor? This is way more than many families have.
I agree that he should be doing more than 50% of the work around the house now he’s part time. But you won’t be poor.
When you retire you’ll have 2 state pensions- make sure you top up your NI contributions- plus any occupational pensions you have or can set up, no mortgage or rent to pay, and equity in your house that you could use to downsize. Financially you’ll be fine.

Of course he knows why his business partners wanted him out, he just doesn’t want to tell you.
Neither of you have much in the way of a pension so if you want to stay together, you both need to prioritise this. Bickering and resentment won’t get you any closer to your goal of a comfortable retirement.

Surely the sexism here is you and her husband. When the OP was part time she was also looking after young children and doing the housework and gardening. Now the husband is working part time he's not.

Don't let this eat into your feelings for your husband and potentially ruin your relationship.
You seem very resentful OP and I am not convinced that they are justified. You are fortunate that you worked part time until your children were teenagers and it's not your husband who chose to leave his business.
The inheritance he received and money from the business paid off the mortgage which is a very privileged position to be in.
Please try and change your perspective on this, for everyone's sake

I have a similar story to yours.
My dh does all the food shopping, cooking and washing, vacuums too.

Oh he knows!

How convenient that he works part time now the kids have grown up. You both should be working FT and saving for your old age. Living frugally when you're older is not fun!
Could you retrain or study while working so you can earn more?

Of course he knows why.
So he's a lazy arse at home and a liar to boot.
OP carried him so he could focus on the business whilst not taking much from it.
Turns out he worked all hours, all those years for very little whilst she did it all.
No wonder she is pissed off.
Yanbu OP, not least because he is a bullshitter.
He knows why they wanted him out.
Probably because he was a lazy arse at work too.