To move family abroad temporarily

[Catrinka]

Hi everyone.
We have the opportunity through work to live & work abroad for a period of 3-5 years. Locations are major European cities (Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam etc) all accommodation, schooling and health care paid for.
We have to DC’s aged 10 and 2.
It all sounds so tempting and a great opportunity/ adventure , but AIBU moving my children abroad temporarily, leaving behind their school / friendships and family (although being so close to UK, we would frequent back and fourth such as school holidays etc to maintain friendships and see family) and putting DH’s career on hold.

It sounds like it could be a lovely adventure but the age of your oldest child probably not. Youngest would be fine.

Locations? Will you be in one place or moving about?

I wouldn’t do it with a ten year old as coming back in 5 years messes with exams and stuff.

Not with a 10 year old….not only exams etc but friendship groups

Horrible ages to temporary move. Too late I think many ways and too early in others.

There's not gonna be a 'best age' for it tbh, so just do it. Your kids will eventually thank you for it 👍

Is it moving around between all those places or one location? And do you choose when to come back or is it up to work somewhere between 3-5 years? I would love to live abroad (though not those particular locations myself) but I would struggle to take my ten year old away from their friends. What does DH think?

I would do it. I think the 2yo will be fine. It will be harder for 10yo.

My family moved abroad when I was 9 and dsis was 11 for 1 year (meant to be more but things changed).

We both found the move very difficult initially, missing friends, family, "home", and adjusting to the culture shock of a new country and language. But we did settle in, start to make friends and picked up the language very quickly.

As an adult looking back im grateful for the experience and think it broadened our horizons. I lived abroad as an adult again twice for short stints (1 yr each) and think that experience when young gave me the confidence and courage to do so.

If the schools are international and your 10 year old isn’t going to be thrown into a fully French/Dutch school then go for it! I heard you say about DH moving jobs too - I wouldn’t want to force my DH to move if they didn’t want to, but if they were supportive then why not! It might not be easy but what a thing to say you’ve done years from now, and the kids!

Providing your husband is on board with it I’d do it. I presume schooling would be in international school so won’t be an issue.

Yes absolutely go for it! Children who have had some adventure and experiences like this make for more interesting and more cultured adults. They will adjust quickly and making new friends and learning a new language will be a fantastic addition to their lives.

If the job is secure and education is paid for, I think you’d regret not going! In my experience once you do make the transition, try not to return ‘home’ too much. Kids need to learn that their new home is home. Otherwise they won’t feel settled.

My parents were both teachers, and they did a teaching and house exchange with a teacher couple when me and my siblings were younger.

I was 9 my siblings were 7 and then 5

We went to Canada for a year and it was a fantastic experience for us all but we were back in the UK for secondary school age, my Mum said she wouldn’t have taken us as teenagers.

We are still in touch with the other family now years later. It was seen as quite adventorous in the 1990’s!!!! We went in the August and came home at Christmas and also Easter but secondary would have been harder

Just the one place, or would you be moving around?

At 10 no i wouldn't unless they 100% wanted too and could understand the basics of what it meant

There absolutely is a best age for it and it has passed. I wouldn't do this at these ages, it's so, so disruptive.

So potentially, your 10 year old will be back in the UK permanently when they're 15 with GCSEs a year or so away. Yeah, that would be a hard no from me. I'm not convinced you'll be able to maintain their friendships either.
Your 2 year old... no problem.

2 and 10 are both fantastic ages to move abroad. Obviously you need to make a plan about how long you will be abroad and how you will move back and your children slot back into schooling in the UK (and this is likely to be a lot more complicated that moving to an international school).

If you'd be back in 2 years, the 10yo might be OK.
Returning in 3-5 years, they'd miss GCSEs (or most of) and struggle to get them in their age cohort. Have you considered this?

Missing GCSEs is really not a problem if children have been educated in other systems.

Thanks everyone.
To answer a few points:

It will be the one location - not moving around.

Husband is onboard as much as I am (basically at the “unsure but interested” stage)

British international schooling provided, from what I have read it aligns with uk schools in terms of curriculum, feel etc

Its a 3 year term, up to us if we want to extend to 5 but thats the maximum. I’d initially be inclined to do 3 years so DD is back for a while before GCSE’s.

Im very friendly with DD’s friends mums, we often socialise etc. and I would meet with them on our return visits to uk or have them visit us. There’s only a choice of 2 secondary schools in our catchment so she will at least know some people before starting (even if not in a close friendship anymore). At her age, most socialising with her friends is via FaceTime than in person 🤪

It is an issue if you return mid way through either though. You need to arrive before Y10 or after y11 but before y12.

When you say locations, do you mean you would be moving around cities?

It is if you return in year 10/11. You’ll have missed so much of the GCSE learning.

It sounds great. Just be sure it’s not 5 years. 3 would be ok. Make sure you are back for your eldest to do their GCSES.

unless your oh does not want to pause their career for the duration then it does need to be fair to them. But the misandrist in me says women do this for their husbands career all the time so have at it

It sounds fabulous, but your eldest is a bad age for living elsewhere for 3-5 years. So I wouldn't from that point of view.

Would your older daughter get a place in one of the catchment schools on your return? Usually you apply in Year 6 to start the September of year 7. I don’t know if you’re guaranteed a place for joining in year 8,9,10 for instance?

I think it would be disruptive for your now 10 year old.