To move family abroad temporarily

[Catrinka]

Hi everyone.
We have the opportunity through work to live & work abroad for a period of 3-5 years. Locations are major European cities (Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam etc) all accommodation, schooling and health care paid for.
We have to DC’s aged 10 and 2.
It all sounds so tempting and a great opportunity/ adventure , but AIBU moving my children abroad temporarily, leaving behind their school / friendships and family (although being so close to UK, we would frequent back and fourth such as school holidays etc to maintain friendships and see family) and putting DH’s career on hold.

I think its too disruptive for your 10 year old.

This is a concern. She’d likely be returning in year 8, so I’d have to hope for a dropout for her to get a space.

You know your children best, to know if it would work for them or not. I think at 2 they'd be fine, but I definitely couldn't do it with my 10 year old. I think it would be really hard on friendships too, even if you keep in contact it's an age where they change so much.

My 9 & 6yr olds would absolutely hate this. They love their home & where we live.

If the schools in your area are oversubscribed, I wouldn’t move because of not getting a school place on your return. Most people tend to keep their children in the same secondary school from year 7 onwards if they possibly can.

You can't move a 10 year old for 5 years. You'd be tearing them away from a school half way through one of the most significant periods of their education.

Also what do you mean by your husband putting their career on hold? There's no way I would put my career on hold for 5 years!

So your eldest's education would be jeopardised and your husband's career would be jeopardised... it seems the only person benefiting is you.

I’m all for advice and opinion but your post is very judgmental.

So firstly, DD will still be going to school. A very good one at that. Probably better than her current school. It’s also a British school- it literally mirrors the uk curriculum including GCSE’s. And iv already said 3 years not 5. She would be back for year 8, so about 3 years before GCSE’s.

The only one benefitting is me? It’s neither more money nor a promotion, a complete side step. The benefits for me are the same for the rest of the family.

You don’t know what his career is. Maybe he wants a career break ? Or maybe he wants to change careers- again you don’t have this information. Of course I wouldn’t even be contemplating this if he wasnt onboard.

the rest of the responses have been very helpful thank you and definitely food for thought.

Whoa some of these comments! As someone who was moved at age 7, older sibling 9, younger 4, I can only say do it! It was to be temporary but it became permanent, and too far away to be able to maintain any friendships. Sure there were times that my sister may have wished they hadn’t, but I don’t think any negative long term effect at all.
I guess as we didn’t come back that I can’t speak to that aspect, but if you are able to keep them to the English curriculum then that’s not a big issue. And friends? How many of us have friends from school? I have one, my older sibling none. My own DD (20) hadn’t kept in touch with any school friends, my son (22) only one. I changed friendships a lot then, there is usually a big shift around 12/13/14 as kids become more defined in their own tastes and interests.
It sounds a fantastic opportunity to learn another language, get to know another society and immerse yourselves in another culture.

You might get more relevant (or at least less risk-averse) advice on the Living Overseas board.

I’ve known international families in all of those cities. It’s a fantastic opportunity for all of you.

There’s really no guarantee that your 10 yo would have the same friends at 15 even if you stayed, and with support and planning for the moves in both directions it will likely build confidence and resilience in her that other kids just won’t have.

Do it lovely - we lived away for 20 months in Copenhagen - great experience - I often think a lot of negative comments are from people who haven’t had the opportunity or took the opportunity and are keen on living within a mile of their mothers . However you might have to sell it to your 10 year old - see you in Amsterdam !!!! we are just doing visas now for it . ( hoping to live in Haarlem or Amstelveen)

I was a child in this situation. We lived abroad when I was 6-8 and 10-11. Being abroad was fine, it was the coming home that was rubbish. I went back into the sane school every time. I was bullied both times I came back, by the same group of girls, who’d built up their following in my absence. We came back when we did so I could do my secondary schooling in the UK in English.

No need at all "to do secondary schooling in English" if English is spoken at home and children can already read and write in English.

All these stressy comments. Goodness, as if there are no schools outside the UK. Age 10 is fine. Your DC will simply start at a different secondary school abroad (and a British one at that). International schools have experience with children moving in and out at different times. If there is a worry about the GCSE years (and it sounds like you'd be back before that anyway), have their international school check with their "home" school. They are usually able to adapt and help prepare children for a transition back.

I currently have a Year 9 pupil, who has just joined, who will stay until the end of the academic year, then move to Canada for Year 10 and then come back to us in Year 11. All good. We're flexible and can deal with that.

Hope you'll have a great time. We're stuck here at the moment, but I'd love to move to a different part of the world at some point when things are more settled and my kids are a bit older (currently 9 and 2).

It wasn’t so much that I needed to practice English (mother tongue), more that I struggled in French and Dutch. It was also a very good point to make a change for my older siblings, and no problem for me younger sibling.