Weirdo and now feeling anxious

[Anxiousq]

As I was entering my workplace a guy stopped me to speak to me he seemed pleasant at first I thought maybe he was asking for directions or just being friendly.

He said he knows my workplace very well and asked what department I work in and what my name is. I felt a little weirded out by him but didn’t want to be rude so told him. I make my way to enter the building he stopped me again and kept talking. I said I need to get going but he continued. He said he’d like to come in and do a talk I told him to email them or call and I can’t help him. He then said my name and said “it was lovely to meet you and I’ll tell them you recommended me to come in and do a talk”.

I feel so annoyed I didn’t just ignore him but also I suffer from anxiety so I am overthinking this massively. I’m very new to the job and feel really awkward this weirdo is going to say he knows me and I’ve told him to come and do a presentation!

please talk me down from this. Yes I know in the future just walk on and don’t give real name etc.

I would just mention it to my line manager, so if he does contact the company under the pretext of you agreeing to it, then it’s on record that you didn’t.

Thank you but truthfully I’m trying to stay under the radar right now as I had an awful experience in my last job when I returned from maternity leave. I just want to do my job and not really have any conversations with line management right now. I know that might sound strange but my last place was so toxic that I just want minimum to do with anyone. Without being too identifiable my job doesn’t require me to talk to colleagues and I see line manager very little apart from occasionally say hi to when we cross paths

I'm sorry he did that to you, sounds extremely creepy at the very least. The problem for women as I see it is that when a man is making us afraid to us we usually panic because experience has taught us we just can't predict what he will do next and how dangerous he is. In such situations i always think "i wish i had said /hadn't said......" as if there is a magic thing to say or do that will make me safe from them, and if course there isnt. We just try to get out of the situation whatever it costs. If he makes any kind of attempt to contact you, or to talk about you to anyone else explain that he scared you and is now stalking you - report to police or phone National Stalking Helpline, they can give you good advice. Try not to blame yourself.

I’m just in a very emotional mindset right now and I’m holding it together. I just want to do my job and go home. My job isn’t very stressful if I’m being honest it’s actually quite peaceful especially as I’m left to get in with things which I prefer

I think even if you are reluctant to bring yourself to anyone's attention you really need to mention this to your line manager. To cover yourself.
There is the potential for this to cause problems for you at a later date and it's really much better to cover yourself just in case.
I'm sorry this experience happened to you OP.

Thank you. I did feel he kept stopping me from leaving but I know I could just have walked past him, thank you for understanding

“I felt a little weirded out by him but didn’t want to be rude so told him.”

Always prioritise your safety over politeness and managing someone’s feelings.
Women are socialised to be agreeable and accommodating so I get that it’s easier said than done!

If you don’t want to speak to your line manager (and as a manager of many years, I’d be sorely disappointed in myself if any of my team didn’t feel that they could), then please try either HR or security.

Or ask a colleague at the same level for advice on where the organisation would like weird happenings reported.

Please don’t just sit and worry about it. A man made you feel uncomfortable with his actions. He was in the wrong, not you.

Talk you down from what exactly?

I feel for you. I have had a few similar encounters over the years. I think sometimes that awkward men try and take the mental Stephen Bartlett style advice about confidence and “making it happen” but have no skills or understanding of nuance to influence people.

I remember a recruitment consultant who was so desperate he’d call and be like “I’m downstairs! I just dropped in to see you” and I would be really freaked but he was a young creepy guy who couldn’t execute sales with any charm or authority.

i think I would email someone unrelated- like from desk or security - to report the incident. That way if it ever comes up you have a paper trail, but don’t need to tell your manager now (and tbh, what are they going to do anyway?)

In my workplace this would be a security incident and I’d report to my LM and security.

If you feel uncomfortable it might be easier to do this by email. You haven’t done anything wrong but failing to report it might cause issues.

Yep, this secenario could well have been played out in one of the security training videos.
Definitely report to the security team for the organisation, not the building security if there is one.

Do you not have 1:1s with your line manager? Do you speak to them at all?

Put this all factually in an email to your line manager. It is very strange behaviour but I agree it's probably someone trying to start a business or sell a product who has had some very bad advice on how to do that. It sounds like a tactic: get a name and use it as a lead. You want to be clear that you don't know this person and are absolutely not recommending him.

I very much suspect you are not the only staff member he has tried this with. As your manager, I wouldn't blame you but I would want to blacklist this absolute creep from any of our business.

You absolutely have to report this to either your manager or HR. A very brief factual email is all you need-you don’t have to talk to anyone.As an ENTIRELY different issue maybe you need to think about ways you can learn to advocate for yourself in the work place.

It's most likely someone trying to get inside the business and sell something.

Maybe worth having a word with your manager and if you have local security then they can probably have a chat with him outside the building.

If your workplace handles particularly sensitive information I would definitely mention it.

I used to work in a place that had pretty tight security. It was really difficult to get into because of some activities that occurred on site. But once you were in you were relatively free to roam around and cold call on multiple businesses whose activities may have been a lot less sensitive compared to the level of security encountered at the main gate.

We were forever being told to make sure we properly escorted salespeople off site, as they often took it upon themselves to have a wander around the greater site after they got in to try to drum up more business. Getting on site was the golden ticket to them.

They will try every trick in the book to try to get into businesses and sell stuff.

You need to report it. It could create a lot more trouble for you in future if you don’t. Report it via email if that’s more comfy for you, but you definitely need to tell someone about what happened.

Create a lot more trouble, how, why?

Its a complete non event

OP you MUST report it.

You haven't done anything wrong. If a member of my staff didn't report and something happened then this would reflect negativity upon them and I would be having a word.

Have you not done any secure workplace training? Your company should have done this on induction.

This is my concern that I could look like a drama queen! I just told a couple of my colleagues and they just laughed they didn’t think it was an issue from their reaction.

I think I will cause more problems if I start emailing people and make it bigger than it needs to be. If I pass my manager today I’ll tell them in passing.

I think this is a little unfair- I’m sure it’s not intentional but it’s coming across like OP has done something wrong now, and she’s already very anxious.

i can safely say in all the offices I have worked in (including national infrastructure- for which no, secure workplace training didn’t include anything like this) there was no guidance to report anything like this and I wouldn’t have done so in the circumstances OP describes, in fact I would’ve brushed it off as him being a weirdo on the street. “Security incidents” are not a thing I recognise and presumably are for the security team.

My only concern would be that he uses your name as a recommendation for whatever he’s selling and that’s why I’d cover your back as i suggested above

@Itsmetheflamingo where I work we have "security events" that have to be reported, which can cover everything from sending a sensitive email to the wrong person to an attempted break-in of an office to threatening behaviour.

Our guidance specifically includes "Social engineering - Reports of, or indications that suspicious emails, phones calls, messages or other fraudulent activities targeted at staff members, in order to gain unauthorised access to systems, buildings, or information."

As someone tangentially involved in the process, we'd much rather people reported minor things so they can be noted, potentially a pattern built up, or it just closed off as nothing relevant, rather than multiple attempts be made and eventually something dodge occurs.

Respectfully, if the loon shows up and talks his way into your workplace to try to flog something using your name and tells senior management you recommended him, you’ll be more than slightly embarrassed, given how upset you are about the actual encounter.

As others have said, no need whatsoever for ‘drama’. Just put it in a brief, factual email to the appropriate person. And work on your assertiveness more generally.

Chances are one or more of your colleagues has also experienced this person - I had a similar thing happen to me when I first started at a new job, and when I told my colleagues what happened, they knew who I was speaking about, as he had done the same to them. Not to worry you at all, but in my case unfortunately he was a town weirdo and he used to hang around outside the building! But to me it sounds as though the man who approached you was touting for business (tho also possibly a weirdo!).
If you don’t want to speak to your manager / colleagues then just email your manager. I believe it can only relieve your anxiety around the whole thing because you will have got it off your chest and potentially your manager can offer some wisdom / experience on this person - or if not, you have prepped them for if he does approach the company on the false pretence of your reccomendation, which your manager should appreciate.

But this is an uncomfortable discussion that took place on the steps outside the office from someone who did not subsequently try to trail or force entry, so for me as an employee I wouldn’t consider that meeting the criteria you describe.
I don’t accept that means I would be “looked on negatively” just as I wouldn’t look upon my staff who had dealt with it in the same way negatively.