15 year-old know it all son

[Spiritedlight]

Hi everyone

I would like to have thoughts on how to handle/progress with son. He's 15, smart, lovely, very opinionated, completely resistant to being told anything and thinks he knows it all.

For example, a discussion about astrology/space etc - whilst DH is very knowledgable, DS will disagree with everything DH says, and quote, frankly, bollocks a lot of the time.

If we talk to him about the school's recommendations for self-study in Year 10 - which I know he's not doing, because I know what they expect - e.g., 2 x 30 mins of going over triple science lessons a week -he will completely tractor over the discussion with comments like, "I'm doing it through homework, it's about quality not quantity (he does the bare minimum), my grades are very good (not as good as he thinks) etc etc". Everything gets brushed off, diminished, he knows best. Always.

It's the oddest, most annoying thing. I've tried to talk to him about it but I don't get anywhere - except that he thinks we are telling him off, which suggests to me this is a defence mechanism. And we are really not telling him off in those moments, we're trying to open up conversation and be supportive about these school years.

I'm worried about his grades and how he's just going to not fulfil his potential. DH thinks let him get on with it and fail mocks etc, so he'll see for himself. But I don't know what to do.

Because astrology is a load of bollocks and it isn’t something you can be “knowledgeable” about

So you also think it's perfectly fine for a child to be so rude to their parents? They don't have to believe in it, but there are books on it so the DH was probably just talking about what he's learned from that. A lot of people think the bible is 'bollocks', it's still studied and they even talk about different religions in schools.

My teenage DS's don't agree with everything I say, but they don't tell me I'm talking 'bollocks'. Same way when they think something that I don't agree with I don't speak to them like that either. It's called respect.

I think it depends on the sort of support the teen has had in the past from parents and from school. In relation to good schools, good study skills will be all around them and it is easier to leave them to it. In relation to a lot of (probably most) schools, however, more time is spent on behaviour than on learning or study skills, and without parents stepping in and giving a lot of guidance, and sometimes resources, a midteen can't be left to it and to do well. And it depends on anxiety levels too, if a teen is so stressed for whatever reason they can't think straight then more support is needed. And if a teen is behind then they are looking at potentially a mountain of work and won't be able to be left to it.

I don't think your description is "leaving them to it" incidentally, I'd say your description is medium level fairly hands on as you are checking up?

I don't think nagging is helpful, though, I agree! I think coercion and bribery is more likely to be successful, ha. With a very anxious teen, or someone very behind, reading through notes with them bit by bit and allowing them to learn those bits and testing them is really effective. It shows them how to do it when they are ready to do it themselves.

Sounds like the typical thing a Capricorn would say.

😂

My15yo is the same. Commiserations

Cancel the cheque.

😂