What to do when you can't agree on where to live

[Whoareyou39]

I'd like a modestly sized home, still big enough but with a reasonable mortgage.
I'm willing to be resourceful with space (it isn't that small and is workable). It's still bigger than what we have now.
My husband wants a much bigger home, where the mortgage is a few hundred extra per month, he says he wants as much space as possible and taking on a bigger mortgage is 'what people have to do' .
I'm not asking us to live in a shoebox but I don't want us to be trapped with a high mortgage, higher bills and still needing to pay for repairs and so on. I'm just looking to be slightly more sensible and ensure we're comfortable. We can't agree so I don't know what to do.

This is what I mean to- I think it’s a fundamental problem that needs to be explored. Pretending you are a different couple who don’t have this problem isn’t going to work. There may be some future resentment to come and you need to get ahead of it.

It's like having a child. The person who refuses to sign up [for a bigger mortgage (OP)] gets the veto.

Is the extra £400 on mortgage alone?

As some of your other costs could also increase - heating, water and electricity (if you have a bigger garden and more to clean), council tax, insurance, etc.

This is it. It's not just the mortgage. When we moved last, we were torn between 3 houses - all different prices but with different pros/cons. I created a spreadsheet with all the different costs; purchase price, purchase costs, mortgage, council tax, all estimated bills including transport costs. It was surprising and we realised that we actually couldn't afford to live in one of the houses that we could afford to buy. So I would recommend you think carefully about all your bills if moving to a new house, so you are at least going into it with your eyes open.

If your husband wants to get into debt he'd best get another job then or consider a cheaper location if he wants a bigger house.

HI OP, you may have answered some of this to other people, I have only just read the first page of responses.

It sounds to me that you are both ready to move and have been viewing properties. Two of which you like independently, neither of you love.

Keep viewing, you both need to 'get' your new home more than like it/it ticks boxes. Yes, there will be compromise from both of you, but I firmly believe you will both know it when you view it.

Moving forward list what's important, what's a deal breaker and what is nice to have. Use this as a guide when you view. view and view and view and you may find that this list changes a little as you go.

If you intend having children you will need all the space you can get! As long as you can factor in child care costs for a few years, I would go for more space every time.

Higher council tax too. Mansion tax too possibly?

Is there another area you could look at that offers the space without increasing the price so much.
I'd say live is full of these compromises - just try to hear as well as voice.
Easy to say and hard to do.

I'd stick with your instinct. Think saving the money rather than spending it on a bigger house makes more sense to me, we moved to a substantially bigger house and have gone for a smaller house. Husband never does any cleaning and i couldn't cope with the amount. I wouldn't choose or could afford to have a cleaner and we had a baby aswell which was all to much. i very quickly grew to resent the excess space.