AIBU - to be annoyed with in-laws letting DD do whatever she likes

[WhoSaidWhat123]

Come home from work to find my 2yo eating her second packet of crisps in the space of 20mins, plus around supper time.

Their response is they won’t let her cry so they give her whatever she wants.

DH has had a word with them before about this because she’ll just snack on junk in their presence. Does DH have a word again or do we let it slide because they don’t care for her often. However DD is now hysterical with us because she wants chocolate but we’ve asked her to wait until after supper 😣

I just think them letting her have her own way is not helping DD at all because she is then crying anyway (just not in their presence) because supper is literally in 5mins and we don’t want her to have chocolate (on top of 2 crisps) and apparently chocolate after school (according to eldest DD). And because surely 2 packets of crisps isn’t healthy for a 2yo?! And can’t they see that?

I don’t have people look after my girls that aren’t capable and it sounds like your in laws are incapable if they cannot say no to a 2 year old and redirect them.

That is really irresponsible of them . Your DH will have to tell them that they won't be asked again if you can't trust them . It's not even a sensible thing like a small treat after lunch etc. And maybe hide all the stuff if they are ever over again . But you stay out of it let your DH handle his people .

If DH has spoke to them before and let them know how you both feel about the snacks and they are choosing to ignore that then I think you either accept a few snacks will be given or find alternative childcare.
Given you said they don’t look after her often I’d let it slide

Are they providing childcare while you work? Bit difficult for you to not ask them to look after her again if that's the case.

Does DH have a word again or do we let it slide because they don’t care for her often. However DD is now hysterical with us because she wants chocolate but we’ve asked her to wait until after supper

How often is 'they don't care for her often'? Because I'm tempted to go with your DH on this one. My twins both whined and badgered me for snacks at non-appropriate times despite me or any caretakers relenting on it. Some kids are just headstrong.

If they're providing free childcare and it isn't that often, then I personally wouldn't make a song and dance about it. Also, grandparents have indulged grandkids since time began. But if you feel that strongly about it, then stop leaving your kids with them.

How often is it happening? If once every now and then I'd let it slide. If every day I'd reassess my options for childcare.

I think Grandparents indulging their Grandchildren is totally normal. Mine did and the world didn't end! If they don't look after her that often, let it go. When I used to stay with my nan, we sometimes just had mugs of tea and a ton of biscuits for tea and she used to give me sugar on toast for breakfast 😂

Clearly they can’t be trusted to have DD unsupervised so it will have to stop.

I’m more relaxed about this. They don’t care for her often, so it doesn’t affect her health to have 2 packets crisps and a bit of chocolate. As for dinner, just tell her the chocolate is dessert and it’s backwards dinner day or some such. No need to get into a battle of wills and get everyone upset.

How often is she there? I don’t think it’s really on grandparents to have strong parenting rules, that’s for the parent. No child turns out spoilt because their grandparents give them a few extra treats in the week.

We fall on this side as well, the old if mum and dad say no ask grandma and grandad.

You need to stop them looking after her. I bitterly regret not putting my foot down over this. They would sneakily feed Dd junk until she was physically sick & she says that now as an adult she has disordered eating.

My mum gives DS the food she finds the easiest.
Not always ideal. Luckily she’s not big on sweets.

My dad used to give my daughter a little secret stashes of chocolate and now he’s always criticising her because in his mind she’s too fat. Getting a two-year-old into healthy habits is really important. Frankly, even one packet of crisps a day is too much.

Send Them a video of her screaming and crying and refusing dinner and say ‘thanks for feeding her things we asked you not to… this is the result.’

This is what grandparents (some grandparents) do. If they are looking after her you need to get new childcare then she can spend fun time with them instead where they get to spoil her.

So long as you don't want them to babysit again, so rude

You can also send them these links showing that unhealthy diets at age 2 are associated with lower IQ and obesity.

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2026-02-toddlers-ultraprocessed-diets-age-linked.html

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6717546/

What’s rude is feeding a toddler food that is bad for her health against her parents’ wishes.

I know, I have a bugbear with my mil doing this, so I sit her down and say 'he doesn't need the equivalent of a meal after school, for a snack I usually take a couple of crackers and a pear so try that but he isn't to have crisps, sweets etc' and when they used to not stick to it I didn't leave him with them. I still try not to leave my kids with them because the sheer volume of crap they feed them is ridiculous but at the same time we've struck a bit of balance and they do help us out in emergencies.

However you don't need to send sarcastic videos to people, for goodness sake communicate like adults and if you can't meet an understanding don't use them for childcare

Is this free childcare? I let things go when my parents had my DC when they were small and I was working. Yes, they ate too much rubbish but they were looked after any my parents were helping me out.

I did say something about the sweets before school though (they gave them after school instead).

I feel like people are missing that this child is 2. Barely more than a baby. If she was 10 or even 5 ok few treats with grandparents occasionally not a big deal. But two packets of salty crisps for a toddler is totally inappropriate. They maybe need to know what snacks they can give her and what’s not ok with you. If they ignore you again I wouldn’t be leaving her unsupervised as it just says they are either dim or they don’t care about her health.

So your two year old had two packets of crisps and then melted down because she then wanted chocolate to which you responded no not until after dinner?

The word no needs to be more present in relation to her snacks from grandparents and parents:

Your in-laws clearly think it’s okay to give a two year old crisps before dinner. I would make it very clear she isn’t to have any cracks that aren’t xxx before dinner from now on.

I’d ask dh to speak to them again - explain how salty these things are and not ok for a toddler.
And I’d literally hide all junk food next time I’m leaving them in my house with dc only.