AIBU - to be annoyed with in-laws letting DD do whatever she likes

[WhoSaidWhat123]

Come home from work to find my 2yo eating her second packet of crisps in the space of 20mins, plus around supper time.

Their response is they won’t let her cry so they give her whatever she wants.

DH has had a word with them before about this because she’ll just snack on junk in their presence. Does DH have a word again or do we let it slide because they don’t care for her often. However DD is now hysterical with us because she wants chocolate but we’ve asked her to wait until after supper 😣

I just think them letting her have her own way is not helping DD at all because she is then crying anyway (just not in their presence) because supper is literally in 5mins and we don’t want her to have chocolate (on top of 2 crisps) and apparently chocolate after school (according to eldest DD). And because surely 2 packets of crisps isn’t healthy for a 2yo?! And can’t they see that?

How often is she with them?. If it's less than once a week I would let it go. I known these things seem a big deal when your kids are little. My in laws used to be exactly the same and at the time it drove me bonkers. Now my kids are older and have very fond memories of being at Grammy & Grandad's and having fun and being spoilt rotten.

As long as the grandparents didn’t do anything to endanger safety or immediate health, I didn’t worry. That meant if they gave so many crisps that my child got a stomachache, I would be unhappy, but I was perfectly fine with grandma and grandpa being indulgent. They babysat so rarely that it didn’t matter for overall health. I quite liked that my child had someone in their life who could say yes more easily because they weren’t setting precedent.

Nursery before your toddler is obese and a spoiled brat?

At least they feed her. My FIL looked after DC last week while we worked and ‘forgot’ to feed them lunch. They were starving when I returned. He also let them trash the house and made no attempt to stop them or tidy. He isn’t looking after them again.

Look, crisps won’t kill her. My DS has SEN and lives off so-called UPFs, the most natural thing he consumes is an innocent smoothie. If they don’t look after her often, I’d just let it slide.

At 2 I’d want dh to have a stern word. Exactly the age of where you want to instill good eating habits.

my parents give my kids a bit too much rubbish but they’re teenagers now and my parents have helped a lot over the years so I let it slide.

Crazy suggestion.

I mean, im sort of wondering if you could phrase it differently though..
'Hey, just wanted to try and show you why we ask that you dont give her xx, as this is what we then get at dinnertime - she gets ever so wound up!' sort of thing.
Sort of a 'look, its not just us being fussy, she ends up upset because she's throwing a tantrum' message.

🤣
There are a lot of OTT responses here!
Just bring some healthier snacks with you next time so the GPs have something to hand. Their time together is so important for bonding. Don’t ruin it over a bag of crisps!

So just to clarify a few questions:

the amount they babysit fluctuates, so obviously during half term they might babysit 2/3 times a week. When it isn’t they will pick DD’s from school and watch them for an hour a couple of times a week. It is free childcare but they push this as they have babysat every grandchild, MIL was always a stay at home Mum / Wife. All the other grandkids have grown up and they say looking after our DD’s keep them going and they would be lost without them.

This crisps incident happened at our house so yes I may have to hide the crisps. I’ve only just hidden where we keep the chocolates like 2 months ago because the same was happening, but with chocolate!

It happened again today as well. One of our cars is in the garage so DH had to catch a bus home today so we had to rely on In-laws to collect the girls from school and I come home to 2 empty crisps packets which eldest DD said youngest had the both. DH hasn’t go round to his parents yet but he will have to asap. I do worry about the salt intake, plus food is so expensive these days I can’t afford 1 child eating 4 packets of crisps in 2 days!

Personally, I’d let it slide. It doesn’t happen often.
my in laws used to give ours tangfastics (big bag each) and bottle of lucozade (each) when they were probably 5&7, I was horrified when I found out but in the grand scheme of things it was rare and a treat and they never asked for it with us…probably both knew we’d never agree to it!!

Just read your update.. a couple times a week childcare! No I absolutely wouldn’t put up with them giving 2 bags of crisps daily.

could you make up a “snack bag” for after school for each child for them getting back? I think that’s maybe how I’d tackle it!

duringholidays I make up snack baskets, they can eat the snacks when they want but when they’re done they’re done! Could do it daily/weekly depending on your children. Mine are both happy with a weekly one but I realise a 2yo maybe wouldn’t get the idea initially so a daily bag may work

At 2, none of mine had eaten at bag of crisps, let alone 4 in 2 days. They might have been given one off a buffet or something but I certainly wouldn't give a 2yo a bag of crisps.

They're a junky treat not a daily snack.

I'm in my 40s and still have fond memories of my granny giving me chocolate for breakfast and double pudding for dinner! It's a bit grim when grandparents cant spoil grandchildren now. My own mum spoils mine now, christ even Nana in Bluey spoils them 😂

I feel like some grandparent-defenders on here are a bit low on reading comprehension, (and perhaps grandparents deficient in sense).

My son's grandparents give treats but also can say "no more", because they're not so mean as to induce tantrums in a toddler whether they're there to witness/suffer them or not because they don't get a perverse kick out of overstimulating a toddler knowing they're going to crash out with it later.

Because it IS weird to sort of bait a 2yo like that, knowing that they can't handle it later. My husband handed our son the ice cream from the shopping to put in the freezer, then told him he could have it when he finished his dinner.

Cue our son eating one baked bean, declaring himself finished then howling for ice cream. And DH resolving not to do it again because it was mean (and stupid, but I think our howling child made that point for him).

Don't buy crisps or chocolate when they are going to look after your DCs, they are not real treats. Get them something you do want them to have that they really like.

They are grandparents. They are not paid staff. I can't believe anyone could be so rude and disregade someone elses' feelings so much.

I would be upset if my 2yo or 4yo were given crisps or chocolate by anyone. 2yo has never eaten either.

However, you’re in a tricky spot as they are providing A LOT of free childcare for you! I presumed that not looking after her often would mean every few months. I think you need to decide whether to prioritise boundaries/nutrition even if it means finding alternative childcare.

2-3 times a week?!?! That's frequent childcare.

And if 2-3 times a week they let a 2yo eat whatever they want then you'll soon have a pre-schooler with health issues.

We didn’t have crisps or chocolate in the house growing up and I don’t now that I have young children. It does avoid a lot of unnecessary arguments. They get treats occasionally, when we’re out or at grandparents house, but I feel it would be a constant battle if we had them in the house all the time.

I thought you were going to say they looked after them once every 3 or 4 months. They are providing a lot of free childcare.