I know I’m being unreasonable but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting

[Givenup2026]

So I have basically no relationship with my SIL. It’s a mix of neither of putting any effort, and that she’s made a couple of comments about how we spend our money.

It’s not exclusive to me either, she barely talks to her own brother.

However, the other day she wrote a big post about congratulating her “great friend “ (my DHs ex) on her birthday.

I know they were once close, but I also know they don’t really see each other anymore (as per my DSC).

I know she has every single right to do it, but it definitely felt a bit “tactless” from my POV, but I also know I genuinely have no reason to complain.

She’s allowed to wish her friend a happy birthday.

You know you’re being unreasonable, try not to think about it.

Don't look at her FB . It will only annoy you .

It just came up on my feed! I didn’t actively look for it.

Your husband is clearly still sleeping with his ex, SIL knows this, ditch him immediately.

or perhaps maybe just shrug your shoulders at someone you dont like wishing someone happy birthday.

Unfollow her Facebook.

Yeah it's odd for you to care that she wished her friend happy birthday. Why don't you just stop looking at her SM.

If that's the worst thing she's done then frankly I don't know why you dislike her so much. But you're not friends so don't have any contact or concern for her and her friends birthdays.

unfollow the SIL and the ex on facebook.

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable. She clearly is still in the camp of your DHs ex. Yes they may be friends, but she’s clearly not made effort with you and maybe this is the reason why. This would wind me up too!

Fuck me what a leap 😂

OP you know her and you’ll know if she’s done this to be a dick (the cynic in me would think this) ignore her and let her crack on with it. I would also mute her if you need to keep her on social media

Don be ridiculous - you don’t have to cut off good friends because they no longer date the person you met them through!

She’s not still “in the camp of DH’s ex” for wishing a friend of hers happy birthday on Facebook….?

I’ve only seen her a handful of times in 8 years with my DH. But I genuinely didn’t like when she once told us that we were wasting our money with my car. Seemed too nosey.

I am guessing she liked the ex and got on well with her. I have been in that same situation, and it's awkward to then see someone else at family gatherings instead of the person I got on very well with. I did feel very conflicted about being disloyal to her but not wanting to make things difficult for the new person.

Plus she might know certain facts about the reason for the break up which do not put her brother in a good light, hence she is keeping her distance from both of you in case your relationship goes the same way.

So is she a Facebook/instragram friend?

Please just forget this minutiae about what she said or thinks about anything you do. If she's too nosy stop thinking about her. You don't need to like everyone but obsessing over people you dislike is going to lead to a world of pointless pain and anguish.

I think the poster was parodying MN reductio ad absurdum. :)

You are giving someone you don't care about, too much headspace. Block her on facebook and get on with having a good life.

Just live your own life, forget what others are doing, it's just 'noise'. Be happy!

I think that’s very accurate. From what I know, she was never close to her brother, but his ex made an effort and they became proper friends.

The ex on the other hand, distanced herself from my SIL when they divorced. I know they really don’t see each other apart from dropping presents around Christmas, and I know she wasn’t invited to her wedding.

I’ve been longer with my DH than he was with his ex.

Don’t unfriend her but mute her feed or put some restrictions on

I did wonder after I replied 😂 this place is wild, I’ve been here too long now and have lost my head

Yes, plus she’d figure it out. But unfollowing seems like a good middle ground.

I’ve been married for 30 years, my SIL has always hated me. From outright sarcastic comments and awful remarks in the beginning from finding a lull in our mid 30s to 40s where we could be polite and civil at family stuff but completely ignore each other if on our own in Sainsbury’s!!! We’ve now come full circle again at our time of life where really we’re both old women now and extended family are all moving or passing away and she wants to be “ friends”. I’ve no issue with it really, just how sad it all is. There’s still a young 19 year old girl in me that wants to ask her “ but why didn’t you like me? I only ever wanted to be friends “.

it’s a shame, there’s no other phrase for it. I really really wanted my SIL to like me, I was looking forward to being a part of a big family that my husband came from, but it never happened. but now there’s a whole load of water under the bridge and we’ve come to some nice weird acceptance! She still talks to me like I’m one of her colleagues…she still always has that slight edge to her I feel, but there we are, I fully accept we’re just different people.

For a long time, I just muted her on my social media and restricted what she saw on mine. And tbh that’s what you need to do. You don’t need to unfollow her, that’s just another reason for her to dislike you, just mute what you see. It will do both of you the world of good 👍

in answer to your actual question/statement, of course she can wish her a happy birthday and you know that, but I agree it’s something you don’t need to see.

I have a friend like this. She does this kind of thing hoping for exactly the reaction you’ve had on here. She has won - you’ve wasted time and energy on something that you could’ve spent on something else. Don’t let her have this power over your reactions and feelings. Ignore it when you see it and just think, “gosh she’s pathetic” then move on and make a nice cup of tea.

I’m not being ridiculous thank you very much. If the OP is saying her SIL hasn’t made much of an effort with her and is still best mates with her brothers ex, it doesn’t take a genius to join the dots.