I think most people with emotional intelligence can see that all the affected individuals have suffered here.
Hearing offensive words is difficult. I am Asian. Whilst I have had abuse of all sorts in my life, about my shape, glasses, teeth, etc, it is the P word and racism that have made me feel most humiliated. I can only speak for myself but it’s a complex mix of anger, fear and embarrassment. I also recognise that this was an involuntary tic. I’d like to think that I would be able to rise above it, but I can’t pretend that I wouldn’t have a moment of feeling upset by being called an unpleasant racist name. I would be able to mentally rationalise it as I know what Tourette’s is, but privately my feelings would be momentarily hurt, I would be reminded of the racism in the world and my precious experiences etc and I think that’s okay to have those feelings and process them?
People with Tourette’s cannot help themselves. Their brain automatically goes to the worst possible insult and they end up saying it. I bet they hate themselves for it. We can all look at people who are gay, a different colour, disabled etc and imagine the worst possible insult, but that doesn’t mean that we are prejudiced against them. People with Tourette’s automatically think about the worst possible insult and say it. That does not mean that they are prejudiced. In a way it is actually the opposite of what they actually want to do.
I sometimes think back to when I had a small baby. Looking back, I think I had some kind of anxiety or OCD. I used to get intrusive thoughts of throwing my baby out of the window or dropping him down the stairs. I would imagine doing the worst things to him. Of course I didn’t want to, it was the opposite of that. But my brain was doing weird things. I didn’t confide in anybody because I was so horrified at myself. I know this is not what Tourette is, but I can certainly imagine having the worst possible thoughts un my head, which did not reflect the person I was.
The whole thing seems to have been handled badly. It is such a shame that we are discussing all this rather than celebrating the successes of all the deserving winners.
I feel sorry for those whose nights were spoiled by hearing ‘racist’ words which whilst not intended that way, it may have reminded them of other abuse they had received in their lives, and also reminded them of the historical connotations of the dreadful word. I really hope that they are able to understand and move on from this whilst being heard and understood themselves.
And I really hope that John is doing okay. He has lived a life of shame and no doubt self loathing. My heart really goes out to him. It’s not his fault he has this condition. He is inadvertently a target for abuse and mockery and it is just not fair. He doesn’t want to be this person.
There are no winners here.