Would you be mad too?

[Burntouted]

I just brought a snowblower and have been waiting in giddy anticipation and excitement to test it out tomorrow. Then my neighbor comes home, and just shovels both sides and I am to be honest very pissed. He didn't even ask..and I didn't ask him for his help ... I am a capable woman who would have asked if I needed help or didn't want to do it. .

The last snow storm, I shoveled earlier, then i came out the next day excited ready to shovel again, enjoy the air and scenery, and alone time by myself, and he comes out and started shoveling too, never asking if I needed help or if it was okay.

Touching someone's property without their permission and knowledge even if you view it as doing something kind, isn't a good idea. You don't even know if they actually have someone coming to do it, if they're looking forward to doing it themselves, what they're going through, that they may be introverted, have anxieties, ND, etc...or if they even view your work as acceptable.

Am I ungrateful, or valid? Is he being kind, or really being sexist against women??

There were plenty of men out there struggling or could use a hand, and he didn't offer to help them or start involving himself in the manner that he did me.

A previous male neighbor did the same thing. I enjoy yardwork, that neighbor would just cut my bushes and grass without my permission whether it was done or not ..as if it wasn't to his personal standards nor likings .so he felt entitled to change it.

He butchered my yard pretty badly and I still have gaps and holes in it to this day.

People have been telling me that I'm ungrateful, that I need professional help for wanting to be respected..for wanting my property to be respected and not be touched without my consent. For wanting alone time. For enjoying something and wanting to be left alone while doing it.
Aibta
What would you do?

I would say something to him and not rely on his mind-reading skills.

I’d be annoyed that I’d not got to use my new gadget but I think you’re way overthinking his reasons for doing his shovelling. He was simply trying to be kind and useful. We don’t need to be thinking about ND, sexism, anxieties - he was just trying to be a good neighbour.

He is just trying to be helpful. Send your snow blower back and save your money, especially if you’re in the UK. Or thank him for his kindness but let him know you will do both next time as you’ve bought a snow blower.

No, I wouldn't be mad. A nice neighbour has done you a favour. If you don't want their help with gardening, tell them?

Did you tell him last time that you are perfectly happy to clear your own drive? If not, he might be being sexist but he might also be trying to do a nice thing ...

If you didn't say anything, how is he meant to know?

Speak to him and let him know that you have bought a snow blower and to leave it in future.

I can't beleive anyone would view this as anything other than a kind gesture though. The human race is full of strange people.

I get your disappointment at not using the new blower but think it was a kind neighbourly gesture that we don’t have enough of. At one time people would do this kind of thing for others - take the bin in, sweep the leaves from outside their house, etc. Now it seems you need to undertake a full risk assessment before you do so. It’s no wonder we increasingly live isolated lives detached from any sense of community.

That said, the hedge stuff is stepping over the line - but I’d just speak to him about it.

Snow shoveling - I would think he was being a good neighbour and unable to read my mind about a snow blower. It sounds like youre not short of snow so relax, have a chat with him, and use your new blower next time.

Trimming hedges and plants without permission - definitely over-stepping. I would have polite but firm words.

He might be excellent at neighbourliness and snow shovelling but rusty on his mind-reading skills. Use your words, OP.

Just tell him that you will be clearing both drives in future!

He's clearly trying to be kind although I understand why you see it as interfering. Just thank him for his help and tell him that you enjoy doing your own garden work so would prefer it if he left you to deal with the snow. You could offer to use your snowblower to clear his side too.

You are annoyed because he's denied you the opportunity to use your new toy, I get it but labelling him sexist to justify your annoyance is a bit unreasonable.

Strike a blow for feminism- tell him you’ll do his as well as yours in future.

Ack, he's just being neighbourly, my dh and the ndn will clear snow from each others driveway occasionally.

I don't expect him to rely on anything.

I expect people to just ask firstly.
It isn't their property to do with it as they please.

I don't expect him to automatically assume things and instead of asking beforehand, assume his assumptions are correct.

He's doing it to be kind. If you don't want him to do it tell him.

He thought it was nice, kind, neighbourly gesture. He did in good faith. You can just tell him with kind, polite and good grace that he doesn’t need to do it in future. Nice neighbours are hard to come by. You may not want his help now….but you may want help in the future on a different matter.

Bonkers. What a nice neighbourly thing to do. I imagine his motives are nothing but considerate and generous with his time and effort.

The gardening is annoying. The snow, I think you're being rediculous and he was trying to be kind.

You're hard work. Glad I don't have you as a neighbour. Go for it - tell him to p* off, never set foot on your drive uninvited again. Good luck if you ever do need a bit help.

That was my previous neighbor that butchered my yard.. and I did drop a couple notes in his door thanking him but letting him know I'd prefer to do it myself..as I enjoy it. He would always still do it regardless

No I would not be mad. Shovelling snow on your neighbours drive while doing your own is nothing like cutting their grass or plants.

I'm annoyed because I am bummed about my new gadget .. especially since we don't get a lot of snow here...it could be years before I am able to use it again...but I'm also annoyed that he touched my property without my permission, and that he didn't just ask beforehand. He is a social butterfly..he could have just knocked on my door.

Plus, I was worried about his health and shoveling...by himself..in a blizzard, over a foot of snow, and his shovel isn't wide, nor tall and he bends over a lot to use it.

I am not obligated to do his or anyone else's...I am just a human without unlimited energy, stamina, iand motivation...if ever I felt like it, I certainly would ask first..for all the reasons I listed, and also perhaps he would feel emasculated...

Go and blow the snow back onto the drive. Then have a coffee. Then go outside again and blow it off the drive. Double the fun! ❄️

Respectfully, OP, why did you buy a snow-clearing gadget when you seldom get snow?

He was just trying to be kind. He'll see soon enough that you have a new snowblower and probably not do it again. If he does, I'd go over and say thanks but you've got a new snowblower that makes the job really easy, so save himself a job.