Would you be mad too?

[Burntouted]

I just brought a snowblower and have been waiting in giddy anticipation and excitement to test it out tomorrow. Then my neighbor comes home, and just shovels both sides and I am to be honest very pissed. He didn't even ask..and I didn't ask him for his help ... I am a capable woman who would have asked if I needed help or didn't want to do it. .

The last snow storm, I shoveled earlier, then i came out the next day excited ready to shovel again, enjoy the air and scenery, and alone time by myself, and he comes out and started shoveling too, never asking if I needed help or if it was okay.

Touching someone's property without their permission and knowledge even if you view it as doing something kind, isn't a good idea. You don't even know if they actually have someone coming to do it, if they're looking forward to doing it themselves, what they're going through, that they may be introverted, have anxieties, ND, etc...or if they even view your work as acceptable.

Am I ungrateful, or valid? Is he being kind, or really being sexist against women??

There were plenty of men out there struggling or could use a hand, and he didn't offer to help them or start involving himself in the manner that he did me.

A previous male neighbor did the same thing. I enjoy yardwork, that neighbor would just cut my bushes and grass without my permission whether it was done or not ..as if it wasn't to his personal standards nor likings .so he felt entitled to change it.

He butchered my yard pretty badly and I still have gaps and holes in it to this day.

People have been telling me that I'm ungrateful, that I need professional help for wanting to be respected..for wanting my property to be respected and not be touched without my consent. For wanting alone time. For enjoying something and wanting to be left alone while doing it.
Aibta
What would you do?

No i would not be made because i am not 4, no a neighbour does something for me no i dont assume it is because I am a poor damsel in distress little woman

So you very rarely get snow and he kindly thought that if he was shovelling his own snow, he may as well shovel your snow too. With you rarely getting snow, and him not being psychic, it’s unlikely he knew you were excited to use your new snow blower. Just talk to him. Say thanks so much for shovelling the snow. I’ve bought this snow blower so I’ll do the next lot we get for us both.

He’s obviously just trying to be kind. I’d have just said “it’s ok, I have this new snow blower I’m keen to try out, thanks though”. Words exist for a reason, he isn’t a mind reader.

You're unreasonable.

Your neighbour did something neighbourly.

Take your precious new toy and clear the sidewalks around your area if you want to play with it.

You’re being really grouchy I’m afraid. Snow clearing is a safety thing, that’s why it’s different from cutting down your plants (which is bizarre). Icy paths are dangerous. He thought he was being neighbourly and considerate, not only to you but to everyone who walks past. He doesn’t have x-ray vision so he doesn’t know you have a snow blower. It’s the kind of thing nice men are constantly told they’re supposed to do.

Next time you see him you could say ‘oi Kevin, I was all excited to use my new snow blower and every time I looked out the door you’d already done my snow!’. Or you could put notes through all the neighbours’ doors saying ‘this is Mavis at No. 32, next time there’s snow feel free to borrow my new snow blower!’ But unless he’s a dick in other ways, don’t make him feel bad about doing a nice thing.

I can’t believe you haven’t thanked him for doing it last time. Then you could’ve said that you’d prefer him not to.

Also I don’t think snow is “your property”

I live in an area where the neighbours wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. I grew up in a neighborhood where people looked out for each other. The latter is infinitely preferable. Community is so important

We've had a foot of snow twice already in the last 2 months. .I also have health problems and it's easier on the joints...also it is my responsibility to make sure my property is clear and clean some how.. I also figured sometimes if I'm up to it, with my neighbor's permission, I could clean his front..

He works a lot, sometimes returning late at night. I'm sure he is probably exhausted and has only enough strength to eat, shower, and sleep. He is nice, and I worry about his health ..plus I wanted to contribute or help along side him ..

Last time I couldn't do both sides because I only had a shovel, and it I felt badly I couldn't do more for him.

The biggest issue with clearing snow where I live, is that it results in black ice almost immediately. We need to sprinkle grit as well as clearing the snow, or not do it at all.

I used to shovel snow for my very elderly frail 90 year old neighbour. I was worried about him falling. But he came out when I was 3/4 through and looked a bit miffed

No, I wouldn't be angry at someone trying to do me a favour. My neighbour sometimes shovels our pathway, and I sometimes put their bins out. We've never said more than a hello to each other.

Op the sexist and then saying he might be emasculated- you’re reading a lot into neighbours helping each other out!!!!!

I think it’s sad how quickly we label people that help either “sexist” “ageist “ etc etc when they do a kind act.
Im in my 70’s and my younger NDN often wheels my bin back down my drive when he puts his away.
Im fully able bodied and fit, but grateful he does this little kind act.
People seem too eager to look for a nasty/ suspicious motive for acts meant kindly.
If you don’t want him to do this kind act for you , then politely ask him to stop.
It’s that simple.

No I'm not.

He is very sexist. Also, a lot of men feel it is emasculating to allow a woman to do manuel and physical labor. . especially if it is spouse, family member, or friend... especially if they reside with them.

There are many men who get ridiculed and insulted by the men in their community and family if they aren't doing the physical and manuel labor themselves.