If only autism was so amenable to being categorised, life would indeed be much more straightforward.
My DS was diagnosed with autism at age 3. We went to the Lorna Wing centre privately - practically on his third birthday - because the NHS was not willing to consider any tests until he was older. By the age of 3, DS was wearing a protective helmet nearly 24/7 to prevent self-harm and I'd already been sewing him into a onesie every night (to prevent smearing) for 2 years. He did not sleep, so DH and I took 2 hours at a time to rest from babyhood to about age 7.
He was segregated in nursery because he'd shove and hit the other kids if they got too close or made too much noise. DS had no clue socially and would help himself to toys etc. He also refused - and continues to refuse - to eat more than 5 things. He was not given a place in pre-school so we were asked to leave.
He was then thrown out of his first mainstream school after his Reception year (during which he escaped several times and urinated on a teacher). We already had EHCP by this point so we sent him to the smallest, quietest school in the area, where the poor interactions with peers, and occasional violence, continued and he was educated alone in a windowless cupboard for almost two academic years while I begged the LA for help, and they ignored me.
At age 6 he was diagnosed with ADHD, but has refused to take medication (and there is no option to do it without his knowledge, because liquids/patches are not licensed in the UK). He has also been diagnosed with dyspraxia and SPD - his proprioception is turbo-fucked and at age 9 he cannot even organise himself to cross the road safely.
However, he is able-bodied and - with an IQ of >160 - is not going to meet the totally arbitrary new definition of "disabled" that has been decreed on this thread. He is also ace-ing all his SATS, working at greater depth in all topics and can out-math his father, who is a physics graduate.
I would like to understand, first, how I managed to be such an appalling parent that I buggered up my longer-for DS before his first birthday. (Seriously, if that's what happened, someone needs to harvest my DNA and use it in chemical weapons or something because I must be demonic). Second, if my DS is apparently "not disabled", where would you like him to attend school, since Bridget says he can't remain in the specialist indie that the LA eventually agreed was the only gig in town?
There is no backstory of abuse here btw. DH and are affluent professionals working FT with family help.