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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my Dads pond to be securely covered while our DC play in the garden?!?

54 replies

RiojaLover75 · 16/06/2008 14:35

My Dad has a pond, quite small, maybe 1m x 2m but it's very deep. Last year during the summer my DH told my Dad unless it's covered we wouldn't allow the DC to stay over without us. My Dad got all huffy and refused to pay for a safety grille for his little pond. So we turned up at my Dads to find his little pond covered with planks of wood and stuff to supposedly cover it up.

AIBU to expect HIM to pay for and install a proper pond grille. Or should we pay for it?

It's getting to that time of year again, where the kids are going to want to play in the garden and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them or my Dad if it happened while he was looking after them. I'm very twitchy about water anyway and am getting very stressed about this issue. I don't want to upset my Dad but I think I'd rather have an upset Dad than drowned children.

I apologise if anyone finds the nature of this post upsetting.

OP posts:
betterhalf · 16/06/2008 14:48

My Dad has got a pond and thinks we're making a fuss asking him to get it covered . It's about 3 feet deep and very murky. My ds is only 4 1/2 months at the moment so its not a worry (yet) but my sister has a 5 and 3 year old she takes round there, but he's really stubborn and won't cover it or allow others to do it for him. Don't ask me why other than he's one of those irritating people that the more you tell him something should be done, the more he digs his heels in and won't do it.

tortoiseSHELL · 16/06/2008 14:50

Why don't you go halves? Can you get a temporary grille that would only go on when you're there? My parents have just filled in their pond, but they put a little fence thing round the pond. My aunt has got a metal grille that just slots over the pond, and then you could hold it down with bricks if you wanted.

chipkid · 16/06/2008 14:51

maybe you could offer to pay to cover it properly. If this does not find favour then you are absoultely right to refuse to allow the children there unsupervised. Ponds are very dangerous-as a child I was fished out of our uncovered fishpond on three occs! there for the grace of god go I!

Marina · 16/06/2008 14:52

I think you should offer to assist with paying for it.

He does have the children for you overnight, after all.

It also gives you more control over what he uses as a cover/grille and ensures no repeat of the plank solution.

Original poster
RiojaLover75 · 16/06/2008 14:54

My DC's are nearly three and just turned one, also my sister has a son aged 18months so they're all walking/ crawling ages.

My Dads excuse for not doing it is that the children would never be left alone in the garden. But that's not the point is it, it only takes two seconds to turn your back and anything could happen. Oh bloody hell am getting myself in a right flap about it.

OP posts:
iwouldgoouttonight · 16/06/2008 14:55

I don't think you're being unreasonable. My dad got quite carried away making a secure cover to put over their pond when DS stays there. If I were you I think I might just offer to pay for it for peace of mind (and make sure he uses it!)

WigWamBam · 16/06/2008 14:56

I can understand why you would want him to pay at least something towards the cost, but as he doesn't want one and it's so important to you then maybe buying it yourself is the only compromise you're going to get.

Miyazaki · 16/06/2008 14:56

yeah, you are being a bit of a princess (in the nicest way!), but am prob just jealous that no way would my dad ever have the dcs to stay overnight.

Offer to pay for it?

harleyd · 16/06/2008 14:57

yanbu
surely common sense would make anybody cover a pond when little kids are likely to be around

Milkysallgone · 16/06/2008 14:58

Dh and I were discussing this very issue at the weekend! My parents have a fairly deep pond too. I think I'm going to investigate how much it would cost to get a cover for it and tell my Dad we were thinking of getting one if he doesn't mind; this is in the hope that he will offer to sort it . If he doesn't get the hint then I'm perfectly happy to pay!

So in response to the op - yabu to demand that he pays, but yanbu to maybe hope that he'd want to.

Nbg · 16/06/2008 14:59

My parents have a huge pond but its not an issue as the children dont go near it unsupervised and there isn't a way for the children to get access to it on their own.

Tbh it hasnt even crossed my mind once about getting them to get a cover for it.

sagacious · 16/06/2008 15:14

My PIL have a pond and wouldn't countenance getting a cover, when the dc's were little we put big pots round it so fence it off slightly and made sure we watched them like the statues from Dr Who's Blink.

mummylin2495 · 16/06/2008 15:20

i have had a pond in my garden ever since we had our first grandchild,we were very aware of the danger and because our grandson was so precious to us we fenced off part of the garden closest to the house so that he couldnt get out anywhere near the pond,we have since had two more gc and have always kept it the same whilst they were small.Now they are older we have taken the fencing down ,but we wouldnt of taken the minutest risk with their lives.But besides doing this we never ever left them alone just in case they did manage to escape out to the pond area.

Twiglett · 16/06/2008 15:22

I think you should pay for it and fit it if he's ok with that

your kids and all that

Caz10 · 16/06/2008 15:26

i think it might depend on how much "watching" he is prepared to do? my mum has a pond, dd is not mobile yet but when she is we will def be having this convo, mainly because i know my mum will not watch dd like a hawk the way her over protective mummy would!! tbh i will find it easier just to pay for a cover i think, is that an option for you? my mum is of the "let her dig for worms for 5hrs" type of grandparenting - which i think will be fab for dd, it is only the pond that worries me.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/06/2008 15:26

I think that it's only fair for you to offer to cover it. I'm that he is so casual about your DC's safety though. I would tell him that you've thought about it and that he's right and that you will pay for the grille after all.

MrsDougRoss · 16/06/2008 15:32

My Dad has 2 ponds and may be it is because he would never have the children to stay, but I would never think of asking him to cover it. In fact my Aunt also has a pond that the kids could just walk in to. But they have all had their children and lived in child proof homes, it is now their time to have nice things. I understand that you are worried for their safety. If he is willing to have a cover then maybe you should pay for it.

2shoes · 16/06/2008 15:33

yanbu
I used to think ponds were fine. couldn't see the fuss.
that was until I met dd's friend. who is severely disabled........because he fell in a pond at 18 months.
totally changed my mind.

Wilkiepedia · 16/06/2008 15:36

YANBU

But, if I were you I would pay for the grill for my own piece of mind if he won't. Simple.

unfitmother · 16/06/2008 15:37

I'd pay for it myself, then I'd know it would get done. Whilst being pretty peed off though!

littlelapin · 16/06/2008 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nametaken · 16/06/2008 17:27

I havn't read all the post but just wanted to say that I wouldn't let me dc's go to anyone's house where there was a garden pond without me being there.

Nor would I pay for someone else's pond to be made safe - if it wasn't safe, I simply wouldn't let them stay there.

Kbear · 16/06/2008 17:29

In the light of the news this weekend, I can't understand why anyone would think it unreasonable NOT to put a grille over it. I would definitely pay for though.

Littlefish · 16/06/2008 17:33

I think that this is the news Kbear is talking about.

3 yr old drowns in pond at relatives' house

Perhaps you could show him this article Rioja?

anotherbadnight · 16/06/2008 17:43

I think I would pay for the cover if I could afford to, but totally agree it's necessary

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