to expect my Dads pond to be securely covered while our DC play in the garden?!?

[RiojaLover75]

My Dad has a pond, quite small, maybe 1m x 2m but it's very deep. Last year during the summer my DH told my Dad unless it's covered we wouldn't allow the DC to stay over without us. My Dad got all huffy and refused to pay for a safety grille for his little pond. So we turned up at my Dads to find his little pond covered with planks of wood and stuff to supposedly cover it up.

AIBU to expect HIM to pay for and install a proper pond grille. Or should we pay for it?

It's getting to that time of year again, where the kids are going to want to play in the garden and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to them or my Dad if it happened while he was looking after them. I'm very twitchy about water anyway and am getting very stressed about this issue. I don't want to upset my Dad but I think I'd rather have an upset Dad than drowned children.

I apologise if anyone finds the nature of this post upsetting.

Having read all your replies and talking to my DH, we think the best course of action will be to talk to my Dad and offer to pay for the grille to be fitted. If he refuses to have one fitted then it may be the 'then they won't be able to stay/play in the garden' conversation that needs having again.

I hope that he'll see sense and at least say yes, even better offer to go halves on it!

YANBU to want a grille to be fitted, however YABU to ask him to pay for it.

You are the one who wants to make an adjustment to his property, a very necessary and reasonable adjustment it's true and therefore you should be responsible for financing the cost of the grille,

YANBU. My mum had a little pond and filled it in when DS was born. Twas a manky little puddle though really. Agree, you should offer to pay for the grille though

I am staggered that you haven't paid for this grille yourself!

You want it, you pay for it.

um, just a thing, what is wrong with the planks solution exactly? assuming the children aren't to be left on their own in the garden for long periods that is (and if they are, aren't there other things you could be worrying about?)

SP, I was wondering the same thing.

I grew up with a deep pond in our garden. I was never allowed to play unsupervised under the age of about three. My mum "let" me fall in it twice when I was about a year old and scooped me straight out. She said I never went near it again after that. (Not that I'm suggesting you let your kids fall in your dad's pond. )

I think if your Dad is responsible enough to look after the children, then he is responsible enough to supervise them in the garden and not allow them to fall in.

If you insist on a cover, or a fence around it, then he should be allowed to choose one that is inoffensive to his garden design and you should pay.

Obviously I have no idea what the garden looks like, but there may also be an option of putting thick planting round the pond - something twiggy and unpleasant to climb through - to discourage the children from going near it in the first place.

No, IT IS the kind of pond you can just walk or crawl into, straight off the grass. No fence, no brick work, no nothing to deter a little one.

I'm quite prepared to have that conversation with my Dad about having a grille on the pond but he's one of those people that unless it's his idea it doesn't happen. So I have to appoach it in the right way.

The planks solution was not ideal as there were several of them criss crossed over the pond and you could still pick them up off the pond. Believe me my eldest (nearly three) is the kind of child that may have tried to pick one up to see what's underneath.

I suppose an electric fence is out of the question?

If there isn't anything round it, then you could most likely have a grille made of bamboo or similar, lashed together, which can be fixed on all sides, perhaps by attaching to hooks in the ground, but easily removed by an adult so your dad only has to have the cover on when the kids are around. Be inventive!

Or a school of piranha?

I agree with you but I am also of the school of thought that if YOU want something then YOU should pay for it

TYG, that sounds interesting! Hadn't thought of that, I was only thinking of the steel mesh type of grille. Will have a look and see if that could do the job (hold the weight of a three year old). I could even make it myself!

The bamboo grille does sound like a good idea, and he may more readily accept a grille that blends in relatively well with his garden.

They use bamboo for scaffolding in Hong Kong.

Obviously the thinner stalks you use in the garden aren't quite as strong, but once they're lashed together, they take a lot of weight.

YANBU
Ponds are scary.

We have a 11' x 9' foot pond thats 4' deep and I was a nervous wreck about a child getting into the garden (as its 1' high on the outside, 4' inside) when we had our LO I got in touch with a local ironmonger and we have had a huge cast iron cover made for ours with wavy bars - will support about 4 adults - it actually looks really trendy and I can sleep at night. It cost about £400 but I wanted it to be strong enough to support a lot of weight - I dreaded a group of kiddies climbing onto it to retrieve a ball. We've never regretted it and am so glad we have got it as LO is a water babe and loves water.

My dd1 (she's 2 & nuts) managed to fall into my parents' pond despite the fact that she was sat less than a foot away from dh. (They were looking for newts [sigh]). She quite literally tumbled in head first from a sitting position - we suspect, knowing dd1, she may have dived...

Dh had her fished out, dripping tadpoles & pond weed, before I'd even realised she was in - I was watching them from the conservatory 10 feet away.

So no, YANBU to want a cover! (& not to let the dc stay over without you otherwise). But agree you should choose it with your dad & pay for it yourselves.

I think you are being unreasonable. If you really want one buy one yourself.

My parents have two ponds. The larger one is covered with a mesh covered framework & the other one isn't covered at all. I never fell in the larger one & it has been around since I was a small child myself. My dad has stepped in it plenty of times by mistake though!

When she was about DD was kneeling down & looking at something & slipped & her arms went in the smaller pond. My mum was behind her & scooped her out straight away, but that scared DD enough to keep her away ever since.

There are plenty of other potentially lethal things in the garden - plants, berries dropped by passing birds, so I think small children need to be watched like a hawk at all times whether there's a pond or not.

My dad had a cover on the 3 ponds in his garden from the moment the dds were born as my mum looked after the dds one day a week.The covers were on a wooden frame which he could lift up and remove when they had gone home. Worked really well.

Yanbu to want a cover on the pond but you can't expect him to pay. I like TYG's suggestion. The trouble is that now it is in your mind you will never relax when visiting/when the children are visiting him if there is no cover. I know that the older generation sometimes think that we are overcautious but there is a difference between mollycoddling (ie not allowing them to get dirty/dig for worms) and being safety conscious - which is what you are being.

Rioja, unless you're prepared to pay for a substantial grill, you'll just have to supervise.

It's a bit of a no-brainer, really. If the kids go in the garden, you go in the garden.

Kids don't generally drown when people are watching!!!

But pay for it yourself. I'm sure your father has shelled enough out for you over the years.

And to be brutally honest, I think your dh was a knob to approach him in the first place, especially without offering to pay, or to make one.

No wonder your dad got huffy.

Did your dh honestly say that he 'wouldn't allow' your dc to stay, unsupervised, without it?

Ever occured to you that looking after small kids is a pain in the arse, and not a privilege to be bestowed upon them? Has it occured to you that he's not covering the pond precisely for this reason?

I have never once asked my parent/in laws to look after my kid overnight. You seem to take it as the norm.

Sorry, but you sound selfish.

For a pond of the OPs parents size (1m x2m) a piece of concrete reinforcing painted in a dark coloured 'hammerite' style preservative would be sufficient.

It is strong enough and way cheaper than having a custom made cover. I actually got mine free by asking some local builders if they had any to spare, they even cut it to size for me.

I lifted the stones holding the edge of the liner and placed it underneath, popped the stones back on. When the pond was full of water - as it should be to stop UV damage to liner - it was almost invisible and it even took my weight.

My mum has a pond this size and I found one of those wooden pallets to put over it. You can normally find one round the back of warehouses or in laybys. It covers the pond nicely.

I do think you ought to pay for it though if you end up buying one.