To use my annual leave to spend with DS?

[Pinkerbells]

My DS is 6 and I absolutely adore spending time with him. I work roughly 35 hours a week, one week I work 4 days and the second 3 1/2 days. I condense my days so I usually work 9 or 10 hours and on those days, DS goes to ex; 3 days one week and 4 the next (roughly).
In the past I have used my annual leave to take time off during the holidays to spend extra time with DS or if ex goes away on holiday. This has never been a problem before, I have always offered ex to have DS extra (which has always been refused) and I have always given notice.
This week I said to ex that I had booked off time in the easter holiday to spend with DS, but ex is now saying that he doesnt want me to have DS any extra. Im not sure what to say, I offered him to have DS extra the following week to make up for this, which he refused.
We dont have any legal custody order, and it hasn't been a problem until recently. For example, last year I had DS for 4 weeks extra and no comments were made.
Am I being unreasonable to use my annual leave so I can spend extra time with DS?

You are obviously not being unreasonable to book time off to see your son, that’s what the vast majority of parents use their annual leave for. It becomes unreasonable when you arrange plans on your ex’s time without asking in advance.

I would also keep a few days back for sickness or teacher training. But yes: when you have young children, most if not all of your leave goes on them.

I completely understand that which is why I always do it well in advance. Even if it was 1 week with me, one with ex

Yes, I'm afraid I think you might have overstepped by telling ds's dad that you've booked the time off to spend it with ds, instead of asking about how he'd feel about splitting holiday time into larger blocks. Has he said no because he'd already made plans for his time?

No he hasn't made any plans. He doesnt work so has quite a bit more freedom than me to plan things for when he has DS.

Obviously yanbu to use your annual leave to spend with your ds. I imagine most working parents do this.

Yabu to think that you can just change the existing contact arrangements to suit your preferences without consulting your ex.

I don't really understand the issue. Booking time off work to cover the days when you would have your son is totally reasonable and normal.
Booking extra time of when your son is with his dad and asking to have him the extra days is unreasonable. You know those days are his dad's days so I am not sure why you would have assumed he wouldn't want to see his son.

Why didn't you just be a grown up and ask him first?

Poor kid. Don't make this a battle ground - it's about what is best for your son, not you.

if it’s a 50/50 arrangement then yabu. you booking annual leave isn’t the issue it’s encroaching on your ex’s time that is , if you have this pattern set.

I dictate a little more with my exh now but the circumstances are entirely different

Not unreasonable to use annual leave to spend time with your child. Very unreasonable to expect to have him for time that is meant to be his Dad's time, without his Dad agreeing first.

Cancel his days, and use those on your next days?

Doesn't seem like rocket science?

You booked annual.leave to spend time with your DS, during the time he's scheduled to be with your ex? That's madness and yes unreasonable.

Your title is misleading. Of course you're not unreasonable to book your leave to spend your time with your DS - for the time he's with you, not the time he's scheduled to be with your ex.

And you booked the leave without even asking your ex first? Just assuming your demands should take priority and your ex should roll over? Surely this has to be a reverse?

Why would you book leave for when your DS is not due to be with you?

I think the only thing you can do is apologise for assuming he wouldn't mind and make a case for it being in your son's best interests (if it is?) to have a block of time with each of you in the holiday's. Rather than it just being about what suits you best? Would ds benefit from less frequent too'ing and fro'ing between homes, and holiday times are a good opportunity to provide this? (When you can get leave?).

It's a weird way to word the situation.
No, you're not unreasonable to take AL to spend time with your son - obviously.

You are unreasonable to unilaterally change the agreement with his father, when you had already agreed on a shared care schedule. Particularly when the outcome is that his time with his son is being reduced.

Just book AL on your own time.

You’re asking the wrong question .

Do you mean you want to book a week away somewhere but only have 4 days with him? Then yes I think EX is being unfair on his son to stop him having a holiday.

If you're just hanging at home, he is nbu. Just book off the days you're meant to have him

YANBU to spend your leave with your DS, that's normal but you can't stop him seeing his father to suit your wants. If you want all your leave with your DC just take days instead of full weeks. That would also be more effective in covering childcare for school holidays. If you only take half a week off and father has him the other half of the week you cover twice as much of the school holidays.

Yanbu to take AL iver easter break to spend time with ds.

Yabu if you are planning to have ds on daya dad would normally have him. Should discuss it with him first.

Does extra time for you mean less time for ex?

You can't just book time off and expect to have your son on your ex's time

Just use it on school holiday days you do have DS, it’s really not that hard. No reason at all the dad should change days just because you’ve said so

So because he doesn't work, you assumed you can plan his time for him?
Why not ask first OP, you know you wouldn't like it if he suddenly told you he was changing plans to suit himself without asking.

Also, so typical when posters don't get the replies they wanted and don't come back.

You aren't unreasonable to want to spend extra time with your DS. However telling your ex and not asking him if you can take DS extra on his parenting time is very unreasonable, even if you've offered for him to have extra the following week, even if it's been fine in the past as it should have been a discussion between you, not your decision unilaterally and I can understand given that you decided to go about it the way you have why he's said no.

What you mean is “I’ve booked time off on DS’s contact days with his dad without asking him and assumed it’ll be okay. He’s being mean to not let me have my way”.

You should have asked him and he’s not being mean. He’s your coparent on an equal split of time, he’s not your employee and your son isn’t more yours than his father’s.

Cancel your leave on his days and next time talk to him first.