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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use my annual leave to spend with DS?

37 replies

Pinkerbells · 22/02/2026 19:09

My DS is 6 and I absolutely adore spending time with him. I work roughly 35 hours a week, one week I work 4 days and the second 3 1/2 days. I condense my days so I usually work 9 or 10 hours and on those days, DS goes to ex; 3 days one week and 4 the next (roughly).
In the past I have used my annual leave to take time off during the holidays to spend extra time with DS or if ex goes away on holiday. This has never been a problem before, I have always offered ex to have DS extra (which has always been refused) and I have always given notice.
This week I said to ex that I had booked off time in the easter holiday to spend with DS, but ex is now saying that he doesnt want me to have DS any extra. Im not sure what to say, I offered him to have DS extra the following week to make up for this, which he refused.
We dont have any legal custody order, and it hasn't been a problem until recently. For example, last year I had DS for 4 weeks extra and no comments were made.
Am I being unreasonable to use my annual leave so I can spend extra time with DS?

OP posts:
MumsGoneToIceland · 25/02/2026 04:14

It makes sense for you to want a full weeek with him sometimes otherwise how would you ever be able to take him on holiday under your current arrangement?. However, can you not propose he has him extra the following week so he doesn’t lose out on days with his son?

yoshiblue · 25/02/2026 04:22

Weird post, maybe a troll or reverse? Imagine this being the other way around and exh was booking time off on your days! You wouldn’t stand for it at all!

Stick to your agreement or you’re got to end up being forced into a legal order.

Banannanana · 25/02/2026 05:36

Of course your leave should be spent with your son, I would be disgusted if as a parent it wasn’t?

Having said that, you should have communicated this with your ex first, not just booked it on their time.

summerjumper · 26/02/2026 04:13

Is it because DS sees your ex more as he’s not working eg pickups and drop offs etc and you are working so it’s more difficult for you to spend time with DS in the week. Does DS live with Dad or stay with Dad a lot, and more to the point does DS enjoy time with Dad? I think we’re not seeing the bigger picture.

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 07:39

I completely sympathise with you and think a lot of these replies are off. If I have understood correctly neither of you ever has more than 4 days with ds as standard? That's pretty unusual I would have thought - surely most people treat holidays differently from term time. I think you need a discussion with ex, via email so it's in writing, about building in some longer stretches so you can take holidays - if he doesn't want that it's fine but you do so he should accommodate. If he won't agree I suppose it would be court and I'm sure it would be agreed - it's not in the least unusual to want to go away for a week at a time, or even 2.

I know what you mean as well about working. I'm a f/t teacher and ex doesn't work and it does mean he can (or could - they're older now) do a lot more with them like going to the park straight from school, which I never could. People will say that's not your ex's problem, which is true to an extent, but it benefits your child to have fun times with both parents and it's mean of your ex to stand in the way of that, but a discussion is needed first.

simpledeer · 26/02/2026 07:43

It isn’t well in advance and you should have discussed with ex before making a unilateral decision.

How would you feel if he just told you he was having DS during “your time”?

The way forward is a sincere apology and a request to come to an amicable compromise. If that’s impossible you suck it up and learn from your mistakes.

VividDeer · 26/02/2026 07:44

The school holidays are long. Only book your contact days.
Yabu to ex

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/02/2026 08:26

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 07:39

I completely sympathise with you and think a lot of these replies are off. If I have understood correctly neither of you ever has more than 4 days with ds as standard? That's pretty unusual I would have thought - surely most people treat holidays differently from term time. I think you need a discussion with ex, via email so it's in writing, about building in some longer stretches so you can take holidays - if he doesn't want that it's fine but you do so he should accommodate. If he won't agree I suppose it would be court and I'm sure it would be agreed - it's not in the least unusual to want to go away for a week at a time, or even 2.

I know what you mean as well about working. I'm a f/t teacher and ex doesn't work and it does mean he can (or could - they're older now) do a lot more with them like going to the park straight from school, which I never could. People will say that's not your ex's problem, which is true to an extent, but it benefits your child to have fun times with both parents and it's mean of your ex to stand in the way of that, but a discussion is needed first.

How are a lot of replies off?
Most people are saying she should have communicated first instead of assuming he'd ne OK with his time being taken away without discussion.

What's off about that?

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 17:40

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/02/2026 08:26

How are a lot of replies off?
Most people are saying she should have communicated first instead of assuming he'd ne OK with his time being taken away without discussion.

What's off about that?

Show quote history

It's off because people are totally ignoring the fact that she can't have a holiday with her son. That isn't a normal situation and it isn't in the best interests of the child either. People are also ignoring the fact that she doesn't really have any quality time with her son, which is also a problem. She can't change it unilaterally though I agree but people are phrasing it as if she's taking his time, which I don't agree with.

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/02/2026 19:49

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 17:40

It's off because people are totally ignoring the fact that she can't have a holiday with her son. That isn't a normal situation and it isn't in the best interests of the child either. People are also ignoring the fact that she doesn't really have any quality time with her son, which is also a problem. She can't change it unilaterally though I agree but people are phrasing it as if she's taking his time, which I don't agree with.

Show quote history

She did take his time without asking though, it's in the OP.

No one said she shouldn't have a holiday with her DS, but as others have pointed out, people have given polite advice yet if OP was a man he'd have been hammered and told he's a controlling so & so.

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 20:15

I don't know what a man would be told if he was working full-time and doing 50/50 with a woman who didn't work without anything in place for holidays on either side. I've never read of such a set-up in all my years on here. I actually think he sounds controlling in saying he doesn't want her to have extra time with the ds even if he gets some extra another time. Sounds highly controlling to me and spiteful too. And I really wonder if he makes an equal financial contribution to ds (he doesn't work).

Flowersforyourchocolateprettyplease · 26/02/2026 23:57

pinotnow · 26/02/2026 20:15

I don't know what a man would be told if he was working full-time and doing 50/50 with a woman who didn't work without anything in place for holidays on either side. I've never read of such a set-up in all my years on here. I actually think he sounds controlling in saying he doesn't want her to have extra time with the ds even if he gets some extra another time. Sounds highly controlling to me and spiteful too. And I really wonder if he makes an equal financial contribution to ds (he doesn't work).

OP: Am I being unreasonable to use my annual leave so I can spend extra time with DS?

The issue is, that extra time is DS's dad's time, which she didn't ask for in advance.
It may have worked before, but she still needs to ask.

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