Family in 45m2 flat with 8m2 bedroom

[Putrid46]

The flat is mainly taken up by a large bathroom, longer hallway but small living room and bedroom which is classed as a single bedroom, only enough for a 3/4 bed.

I own it but moved out as it wasn't suitable for my partner and I. As he doesn't yet drive, it would've been almost 1h30 each way on public transport 5 days a week, and he often works long hours.

I told my family this and they scoffed and said it can't possibly be that long. My Mum has turned down jobs for being too far even though it'd be in a car and 2 or 3 times per week.

They said we should throw things away in order to fit into the flat. I explained we don't have things we want to throw away and some of it is expensive equipment we need for work etc. We'd also like to have a family soon, I know babies stay in the parents bedroom for a while but the flat would be even more cluttered.

We're not asking for a mansion, there's nothing wrong with wanting a larger one bed at the best or a 2 bed, my partner also doesn't want such a long commute and neither would I. I wish I had a supportive family, it's not up to them to dictate where we live and how we live. Am I being greedy here?

Where are you living now?

We've renting a temporary larger 1 bed flat and looking to buy a 2 bed somewhere if we can sell mine.

They think rather than selling mine why can't we just move back in.

Why are you even discussing it with them? I never discuss such things with my relatives or pay any heed to their unsolicited opinions. Really odd to care!

Sometimes these things come up in conversation, that's all.

But why do you care what they say?

So you own a flat but it is inconvenient. Why not sell it and buy somewhere else?

What does it have to do with your family?

Sorry I'm just looking for opinions on whether anyway has made this situation work. Which im allowed to do. Anyway..

I am planning to sell it. It doesn't have to do with them, I'm just wondering whether we are being unreasonable and does anyone else live in a home that big with 3?

This is a fair question. You have two different opinions - but it's your money. They don't have to sign off on your decision.

For what it's worth I would not have a baby in a 1 bed flat if I could afford a 2 bed.

Get used to putting in your boundaries now, as when you have a baby they'll have a lot more to say.

Live in it until you sell it! Put anything you can into storage till it sells - FAR cheaper than renting yet another flat and keeping your stuff in an empty flat surely!

.Have I done a 1.5 hour commute, yes for two years. It was exhausting so I changed job or moved house.

I live in a reasonable sized two bed flat on my own and can’t even begin to imagine sharing it with anyone. It would feel far too cramped. Even having visitors around for a few hours makes me feel like we’re tripping over one another. Sell it and buy somewhere more suitable for you both.

Do they like your partner? I’m just wondering if they are wary of you buying a house together especially as an unmarried couple.

As a grown up I wouldn’t care what my family think of my decisions. Decisions that have no impact on them I just tell them I don’t consult them. You’ve made your decision - which is fine. Why are you navel gazing and worrying about what your mum thinks? As an adult you know you don’t need her permission to move. Make your decision move on and your mum should accept it unless there’s something you’re not telling us like you’re her 24/7 carer or something.

They aren't dictating where you should live, not unless you allow them to, and act on what they say. They have an opinion, you have a different opinion. Sometimes, it's best not to get into conversations of this nature. You have the option of not engaging in the conversation, if you don't want their opinion, just do that.
In the meantime, decide what you want to do and get on with it, without involvement from them.

Your place sounds too small for 2 of you, let alone 3. You’re definitely being reasonable to move.

We are getting married soon and they seem to be happy about that

Well it’s only a one bedroom, most people would aim to live in a two bedroom property by the time they have children, regardless of the size of it. I mean yes some people find themselves in less than ideal circumstances but you don’t need to be one of them, as you have time to plan ahead, and you have the advantage of already being on the property ladder.

Also I think the floor area of the property isn’t really the point, it’s more about how it’s configured. I live in a very small house but it’s well-configured. Yours obviously isn’t, if you have a huge bathroom but can’t even fit a double bed in it.

But I don’t really see why you care what your family thinks. You can obviously see the hypocrisy in your mother having turned down jobs for being too far away but suggesting that your partner does an even longer commute.

I have owned the flat for 2 years and they are wary of me selling which I do understand

Perhaps your family's concern is that your partner is expecting you to uproot purely for his convenience. If he wants to live closer to his work, why doesn't he provide a home for you?

Is the flat empty whilst you're renting elsewhere? This is batshit. Stop faffing around and just get it on the market.

This has literally zero to do with your family. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never had that sort of relationship with my parents (i.e. once I got to about 20 everything was on a need to know basis) but I don’t understand why adults feel the need to seek validation from their parents.

If it’s not a good time to sell that’s your lookout, unless there’s a massive drip-feed coming that they have a 50 per cent share in it or something.

Edited due to a typo.

It feels like you're asking permission. You don't have "permission" from your family so you're asking"permission" from Mumsnet instead.

Are you expecting your family to help fund this new property, or do you have significant learning difficulties and rely on your parents for a lot of support? Those are the only genuine reasons why they might be expected to have a say in there you live.

Otherwise I wonder if you've grown up in a really toxic, controlling family dynamic. That might explain why you wouldn't feel able to make your own decision on this