Just blew up at DP

[ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

5 hours of my life invested in a tv series.

Major cliff hanger!

Literally the suspense music is on. Someone’s about to be shot in the head. Big drama moment.

DP sitting there decides this is the moment to tell me about the City of London and how much gold is there and how much trade goes through London.

I say dont care. Please. Not now

Keeps on! I say shuttttt up!

A bang goes off. Screen cuts away. Subtitles roll. About a millisecond passes before ‘the Bank of England blah blah blah’.

I am like SERIOUSLY! You have all flipping day and night to talk to me and you chose now! Fucking now. When I told you I don’t care. And you are continuing on.

Honestly I was harsh but wtf. But I just feel it’s absolutely no respect! I am fuming. He’s now stormed to bed.

Thank you for listening 😭

I can’t imagine having a spouse who is so rude and thoughtless that they just talk over something their wife is really engrossed in, about something unimportant and non-urgent that she has no interest in.

But then what starts happening is, they get annoyed by having to wave a hand in front of your face to do something as basic as communicate with their OH, and you get annoyed at them disturbing you by waving a hand in front of your face because you've become an incommunicative slave to your device screen.

Go on, guess which side of this divide I sit on.

Just let it be a warning to young courting couples now mutually spellbound, who hang onto each precious word of their one true love...

There'll come a time, not far down the track, when you'll want the annoying shit to SHUT THE FUCK UP when you're trying to watch telly.

Smothering or you wouldn't need a hand to dig a hole!!

I think if you really spoke to him the way you said you did, then I think YABU. He’s annoying and should have read the room but if my DW spoke to me the way you said you’d spoke to him I’d probably cry lol.

When my DW is being boring and annoying I humour her. She does it when I’m reading, and I have to say let me just finish my chapter, but then I’ll listen. I’ve deffo done it to her when she’s been mid email and I’m chatting away and I realise oh I think I’ve bored her lol, but if she told me I was being boring and that she didn’t care and shouted at me I’d be equal parts livid/crybaby

Yes imagine if a man spoke to a woman like this there would be riots in the streets

It might have been more effective, and I suppose would have been "nicer", if you'd said something like "please hold on five minutes - I really want to watch this bit of my programme". But (1) he must have been able to SEE that you were paying attention to the TV/engrossed, and that you didn't just have it on as background noise and (2) even with the way you said it, it was clear that you needed him to be quiet for a few minutes, and he deliberately overrode you and continued even though what he was saying was neither urgent nor conversation. What you did "wrong" would never have happened if he had not done (1), and his doing (2) did much more damage than what you did. It's unreasonable for him to ask/expect an apology without his apologising first.

Also, your comment "Hopefully he’s not in a grudge fest tomorrow" and the fact that he went to bed "steaming", plus your follow-ups that he expected an apology from you and that he's still on about it the next day (as you worried he might be) make me think he likely has form for punishing you when you do or say something he doesn't like without acknowledging the role his actions played in causing the issue in the first place. Be careful of that; I'm not saying it's true in this case but if this is a habit of his it can be an early red flag for aspects of coercive control.

If he spoke to her like that because she was rude and thoughtless enough to be droning about crap while he was trying to watch the final few minutes of something he loved and was completely engrossed in, I would be very on much on his side.

I see the dilemma. I had the problem of needing quiet (I'm a writer) and getting sick of being interrupted every two seconds to 'look at this!' (I was writing on the laptop, he was sitting on his computer). I had asked not to be interrupted but - well, apparently YouTube was just fascinating. And it did make the point when I had to rip my headphones off with extreme annoyance to say "What?!?"

Sometimes it's necessary to have some peace and quiet. Using headphones all the time to block out your partner is, I agree, not on. But it doesn't sound as though OP does it continually, and I had a deadline, and it worked for me!

Makes me cross just reading that

He had been sat next to me in silence for two hours. So not naivety to the situation.

DW this was days ago. All good here now and he got to monologue about his gold facts in the car 😂😂😂

But yes it was a murderous inducing moment. You had to be there I suspect unless you have a vivid recollection of similar scenarios like previous posters.

OP YANBU!!! My DH does this and in fact last weekend he did similar- we were watching a film (one of the MCU movies, Infinity War I think) neither of us had seen it, it's ridiculously long, the film had already been paused for him to get a drink, have a wee, get up to get his laptop......we entered the final 45 minutes of basically pure battle scene and half way through it was really tense and the emotions were all building and he just started being super loud and annoying and I mildly snapped at him to and asked him to stop being so loud!!!

Like I get the film is long, and you might not be enjoying it, but I am so don't bloody ruin it for me!!!!

Is this in the context of a happy marriage @ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ?