UK-born Londoners, are your friends mostly British or mixed?

[Comfortable8520]

Random curiosity question for those who were born in the UK, and currently live in London.

How mixed are your friendship groups in terms of background or where people originally come from?

I've lived here for 17 years and recently noticed that many of my close friends are also from abroad. I'm wondering whether others find their social circles naturally end up quite international, or not really. Would be interesting to hear people's experiences.

By friendship I mean people you genuinely consider close friends, those you would meet outside work or structured settings, stay in touch with, invite to your home, rely on for support, etc., rather than just friendly colleagues or casual social contacts.

You are unreasonable = I'm British born and have plenty of close friends from all over the world.

You are NOT unreasonable= I'm British born and most of my close friends are from here.

The only Londoners I know personally who have left are my kids because they can't afford to live here. One moved to Surrey and the other to Kent. Nobody I know has moved to Dubai!

Well most of my friends are my school friends, same for DH (we met at uni but from the same area) lots of friends I made along the way have gone back to where they grow up.

I think have more in common with 1st/2nd gen immigrants and growing up more shared experiences. London was very different in the 80s & 90s.

Thanks for sharing! Do you feel the friendship experience is similar with these groups of friends? Once the school connection disappears, do you feel you'll stay close friends with them?

Not really. Just trying to see if the experience I have is quite common in London or if, perhaps, this is rather common in the community where I have been living

I don’t really have any thoughts on it. It is what is. I don’t look at people’s origin, I see them as a person 🤷‍♀️

are you a journalist ? Because you’re questioning everyone and writing like you are …..

I have never thought about this before! When I was studying there, my friends were very international - universities draw students from all over the world.

But keeping in touch with people day to day who moved back to their home countries…I found we drifted apart.

Now as an older person my closest friends there now are all British passport holders but are mixed race, Indian and white.

I think many of us who are from families that are immigrants (more so non European cultures) will share similar cultural expectations from families but other times cultures are very different but that its different from British culture we understand and share this experience

Agree, as I said my area really gentrified so my dc are at school with mainly white dc who have British parents/gps. I felt like I had an exposure to a whole new culture!

Not really 😁 Just trying to see if the experience I have is quite common in London or if, perhaps, this is just common in the community where I have lived

@Comfortable8520 some areas are more homogeneous than others. Can you say where in SW London?

I'd like to see it from a perspective of someone who was born in the UK, lived in London (where there are plenty of different nationalities) and still decided to stay closely with the UK-born friends only (as close friends). This is my experience of seeing how things are here, and I don't think it's the same in other countries...

I would not be a great journalist if I searched for an info on mumsnet (where people just chat), no?

No, just curious why since I've been here I have not made a single British-born close friend... In comparison with friends born in europe or somewhere else.

Wimbledon

But really you’re asking an impossible question. I don’t know how old you are, but friendship groups change all the time. People change and evolve all the time. I’d be quite scared of anyone who didn’t change or evolve over x amount of years.

As I’ve said previously I’m old. I can’t tell you how many “friends” I’ve met over the years. Starting at school, into teenage years, to my clubbing and pubbing lot (yes we did that in the 80s!) …to having my first job, my next job, antenatal groups, mum and toddler groups….my kids going through primary, secondary, Saturday football, Friday swimming, karate Thursdays…PTA mums and dads…then add in my various workplaces, my husbands hobbies and workplaces….the hobbies we’ve shared…the neighbours we’ve taken part in…our own, plus grandparents and in-laws…the friends we meet through friends of friends or family….honestly I don’t know how anyone can “stay friends with the UK born friends only” that you seem so obsessed about? Surely as you go through life, you move and live in all sorts of groups and friendships? London is a massively cultural city, just like most big cities in the world now…do you really expect Londoners not to have contact with anyone unless they’re a Londoner? It’s a very odd thread….its like you’re trying to evoke some racially motivated thread? What is it you’re actually trying to say?? What is your experience? That people of certain countries stick together? Or that you can’t make friends???

maybe some people are more drawn to their own culture. I knew some Chinese women in my son’s primary school who were always together. Does that make them wrong? They didn’t treat me, the children or any social event any different, just because they like to go off together after drop off? I knew a couple of ladies from Dubai in my work situation. They were extra friendly with each other but it didn’t stop us having lunch together. My neighbour over the road is as London as can be, just like us, a total born and bred Londoner, driving his black cab…but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy the international cuisine of our neighbours on certain holidays.

maybe you just need to be better at making friends OP in the nicest way.

You’d be surprised how much info is gathered here! No of course no harm chatting, but you are coming across as very all about the questions right back at people. It doesn’t come across as chatting. No hate, just honesty.

I didn't make a deliberate choice to stay in the place I was born. I just had no reason to move from London!
IME people move for work or because they want a different lifestyle.
I worked in New York and also lived in Paris with DP for a time before we came back to London at the start of the pandemic.

Romanian, Russian, French. Quite a few Brits too

I am London born and bred. London is very transient so close friends I has in my 20s who were studying here, went back to their countries of origin - I missed them all so much - Denmark, Australia, Kenya and India.

I also have close friends from different countries who married Brits so they are here to stay.
All the school mum friends are mostly British born but I'm not that close to them.

I am back in touch with my school friends so that is lovely. I think there is something special about old friends.

Do you mean British born or specifically London born? Because maybe if they are London born they already have their close friends and family etc here so while they might be friendly they aren’t necessarily looking for the same type of relationship you are as they already have them.

I know when I moved away from London to somewhere I didn’t know anyone I was very keen to make friends so put in a lot of effort and I suppose it was reciprocated by people who were open to having that type of friendship and we are all close now.

Even in London, when the children were at school I made mum friends and we all got along great however I wouldn’t say we were that close even if I’d go round for a coffee etc. it didn’t bother me as I had my friends from growing up.

First of all - what makes you so upset?

I am not tying to evoke anything, I am just sharing my experience of someone who lived in a particular area for almost 20 years and never been in close friendship with someone who was born here.

And by that - I mean CLOSE friendship only. The type when you pop in to see each other with a very short notice. The type when you travel together etc. Not the type when you go for a quick pint in a pub or invite each other's children for a birthday party.

I formed closed friendships with other people (for example from EU, China or Asia) but not with someone who was born and grew up here. I was just wondering why this did not happen with guys who were born here. That's it. I am not blaming anyone or implying anything. I just would like to hear other people's perspectives on it.

British born. Sorry. I should have been more clear

I’m not upset at all. It’s a grown up discussion last time I looked. I fail to understand the rigorous questioning, I grant you. Maybe your answer lies in that UK people already have their bases here. They already have families, cousins, sisters, family members, childhood friends etc that they don’t need to make anymore long lasting deep friendships. As a born and bred forever Londoner, I know our families are everything, particularly when you go back generations of kids having grandma up the road, auntie living opposite, uncle living up the street, we grew up with our cousins and siblings as our first and life long friends. I know a group of men who went to school together 40 years ago. Maybe you’re just looking for something that doesn’t exist 🤷‍♀️
Even at my grand old age, I’d much prefer to see my cousin over anyone I’ve ever met at the school gate etc because we’re familiar, we’ve grown up together despite any life long friend I’ve made elsewhere

Interesting. In our area there are plenty of people who moved here not ages ago though, so good friendships are formed rather quickly.

I’m British born but grew up abroad. So other than the friends I have that still live in that country, the friends I have here are all British born, though from all over the country, and a few different races. I met most of my current friends decades ago at work , or mums from school. Interesting my DD who has lived in England all her life, has only one Caucasian friend. I think all are British born, but their parents weren’t. My neighbours are French, Greek and Ukrainian but while I know them they are acquaintances rather than friends. So the street we are on is very international - we also have a Hindu temple on the road which attracts a lot of Asian families - I didn’t live here when my kids were at school so don’t really know them.
My parents, when they lived in the country I grew up in, most of their friends were international, most English or Irish. Neither of my parents were born in England but my dad was English by heritage.

South London, pretty mixed, from all over the world. Even Geordies.

Born and bred in London. At primary school most of my friends were non UK born. Mainly Indian. At secondary school mainly UK born. At university all over the place - Polish, Iranian, Kenyan. As an adult, the friends that have lasted long term are mainly the UK born ones. And the Kenyan friend.