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Original poster

For stopping my sisters allowance

77 replies

Raynaodld · 19/02/2026 00:19

I hate coming on here having a moan but I am slightly irritated. So I become a single mom and was put out on the streets by my ex partner. I’ve had to build my life back up from nothing with two toddlers in a very vulnerable position. I’m happy to say I bounced back on my feet but I spent years unhappy in a financially and emotionally abusive relationship that I felt like I had to stay in because I had no options. After hitting rock bottom I decided I was never going to be vulnerable again and started making plans to invest in my kids and I’s future, ensuring long term security. But after what I went through I realised I don’t want my two sisters ever in a spot where they feel stuck. They are young (there’s a big age gap between us.) So while also skimping to save for my kids I told my mom I would give them both £40 a month to tuck away until they are 18. I specifically told my parents not to tell them as kids don’t know the value of the dollar. My family were never taught financially literacy; I had to learn by myself and didn’t even know what a credit score was until I was well into my 20s. Had to learn on my feet. My parents are in their 50s and still rent. They don’t have any assets. If anything happened to them my sisters would be very unfortunate. Well long story short, my sisters messaged me today saying how happy they are with the money they received and are spending it on Roblox! I am so angry as I could use that money and save for myself or my kids but I want my sisters to be in a spot to buy a car or have money towards school or a house when they are older. (Whatever little helps.) I am thinking about stopping these payments and telling my parents they will have to save on their own. They never helped me financially and believe kids should learn for themselves while also not having anything to show for their own work so I doubt my sisters will be well off.

OP posts:
nomas · 19/02/2026 08:00

Hertiness · 19/02/2026 00:34

Your solution was obvious before you posted. But if you're still giving out robux hit me up, I could use some new skins.

Give her a break, people are allowed to vent.

OP, you did a very nice thing.

canisquaeso · 19/02/2026 08:00

I was still giving my family at least £200/month after becoming a single parent. Biggest mistake of my life. Please don’t do it.

user8539762897 · 19/02/2026 08:24

You are a single parent, you can’t be financially responsible for ALL the kids in your family. Your focus needs to be your own kids, giving money to your parents who have already proved themselves to be financially illiterate was always going to end like this.
If you’ve got spare cash, invest for your own kids, start a pension for them, actually how are your own pension contributions? life/critical illness insurance in case anything happens to you. But not giving hard earned money away to be spent on pizza and computer games by kids that are not your responsibility.

Mapleleaf114 · 19/02/2026 08:48

Raynaodld · 19/02/2026 00:19

I hate coming on here having a moan but I am slightly irritated. So I become a single mom and was put out on the streets by my ex partner. I’ve had to build my life back up from nothing with two toddlers in a very vulnerable position. I’m happy to say I bounced back on my feet but I spent years unhappy in a financially and emotionally abusive relationship that I felt like I had to stay in because I had no options. After hitting rock bottom I decided I was never going to be vulnerable again and started making plans to invest in my kids and I’s future, ensuring long term security. But after what I went through I realised I don’t want my two sisters ever in a spot where they feel stuck. They are young (there’s a big age gap between us.) So while also skimping to save for my kids I told my mom I would give them both £40 a month to tuck away until they are 18. I specifically told my parents not to tell them as kids don’t know the value of the dollar. My family were never taught financially literacy; I had to learn by myself and didn’t even know what a credit score was until I was well into my 20s. Had to learn on my feet. My parents are in their 50s and still rent. They don’t have any assets. If anything happened to them my sisters would be very unfortunate. Well long story short, my sisters messaged me today saying how happy they are with the money they received and are spending it on Roblox! I am so angry as I could use that money and save for myself or my kids but I want my sisters to be in a spot to buy a car or have money towards school or a house when they are older. (Whatever little helps.) I am thinking about stopping these payments and telling my parents they will have to save on their own. They never helped me financially and believe kids should learn for themselves while also not having anything to show for their own work so I doubt my sisters will be well off.

Concentrate on your own children,put it away for them. Why are you getting involved with raising your sisters?

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 19/02/2026 09:12

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 19/02/2026 03:30

Did you even read the OP's posts before getting stuck in? The money has been in the control of her parents.

Show quote history

Well in all fairness the OP is a bit unclear - She says she is giving her sisters money, and she asked her mum not to tell them, and then the sisters were happily spending the money they didn't know they had? I stared at the post for a while, wondering how any of that worked. We can't really be expected to translate that solid paragraph to "I gave my mum money for a secret saving stash for my sisters, but she's handed it over to them" 🤷

Cherrysoup · 19/02/2026 09:12

Given how financially irresponsible you say your parents are, it was unfortunate to allow them/your sisters access. I hope you haven’t had to do without for you and your dc. Easy enough to set up a separate account for your sisters as pp have mentioned.

ButIloveher · 19/02/2026 09:15

You don’t need to set up a trust. It’s £40 a month. Just set up a savings account in your own name and a standing order for £40 a month. Then when the children are 18 and going to uni or 25 and getting married or 30 and buying a house you can use this money as a ‘gift fund’ for you to give them as and when appropriate, when the time is right.

Namechangerage · 19/02/2026 09:20

I don t know why you gave it to your feckless parents?! Just put it aside yourself or open bank accounts for them.

Zippidydoodah · 19/02/2026 09:34

What a shame your parents betrayed your trust like this. It’s very risky giving money to them. I know you’ve realised now that you should have saved it separately, but it’s also very kind of you and you don’t have to do it, if you’re scrimping as it is.

How much did they get? Just the first £40?

blackpooolrock · 19/02/2026 09:42

You cannot gift money to someone then control how they spend it. It doesn't work like that unfortunately. That would be abusive.

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/02/2026 09:45

As others have said, you need to control such money and handing it over to your parents was daft.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 19/02/2026 09:46

Your a single parent, you shouldn’t be providing for your sisters thats your parents problem. Focus on your own child, not your parents children who are pissing it down the drain.

PrincessScarlett · 19/02/2026 10:06

You have been very kind OP in providing for your sisters. But this is not your job. Please prioritise yourself and your own children. Your sisters will always waste any money you give them because they are not being taught to be financially responsible.

What you can do is put aside money for them but keep it in an account you control. Or if and when your sisters come begging in the future (which undoubtedly they will if they don't get any financial education) you will be in a position to help them because you have looked out for yourself.

diddl · 19/02/2026 10:10

I agree with others that it's surely enough to have a bit of money put by to help out in an emergency if necessary.

Saving for a car/house deposit is surely for them to do & for you to help if you could easily do so?

Many people don't have help with these things & manage.

Also perhaps help them with budgeting when they are ready.

Crucible · 19/02/2026 10:10

I've long since stopped giving money and only give items or advice. Some folks simply can't or won't make sensible decisions.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/02/2026 10:14

Spend it on your own children’s future. They are your priority. It’s lovely that you want to help your sisters. But they are your parents responsibility not yours.

QuaintCat · 19/02/2026 10:20

If you are "skimping to save for my kids", you need to prioritise them. Save the cash for them.
You can give your yonger sisters the gift of financial litteracy, talk to them about making a budget, saving, compound effect, investing, how loans and interest work. That will be a huge help for them, you don't necessarily need to hand them a savings account in the future.

bridgetreilly · 19/02/2026 10:21

As well as changing how you save the money, I think you should also talk to your sisters about what you are doing and why. Not so they think there will be a future windfall, but so they start to understand about financial planning and saving for a rainy day. Maybe encourage them to start their own savings too.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 19/02/2026 11:15

In one place you mention transferring money to their accounts; in another you mention handing it over to your (financially-illiterate) mum, so the whole story is quite unclear. Also, you haven't told us how old your sisters are, or how many times you'd made these payments before they somehow got their hands on the money. Did they spend £40 on Roblox, or £200?!

If the plan was to set aside funds for them to access when they were much older, it's not an 'allowance' as such. And as others have said, it would be safer for you to hang onto that - even in a bloody envelope! - or put it in a junior ISA style account that can't be touched by anyone until a certain time.

If you want them to learn how to manage money, it probably would be better to give them money to practice with. Whether that means occasionally (eg £20 on their birthday or Xmas) or more regularly (eg £3 a week in 'pocket money'), that, combined with savings accounts set up in their names and actual advice from you, would probably be more effective at actually teaching them about what to do it.

ScoobyDo4 · 19/02/2026 11:50

It’s great that you want to improve the financial education of the children in your family. Have you tried the Barefoot Investor for Kids? https://www.barefootinvestor.com/

he’s Australia- very clear financial information and he has another book for adult too….

The Barefoot Investor - Scott Pape

https://www.barefootinvestor.com

Sishere · 19/02/2026 14:21

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 19/02/2026 11:15

In one place you mention transferring money to their accounts; in another you mention handing it over to your (financially-illiterate) mum, so the whole story is quite unclear. Also, you haven't told us how old your sisters are, or how many times you'd made these payments before they somehow got their hands on the money. Did they spend £40 on Roblox, or £200?!

If the plan was to set aside funds for them to access when they were much older, it's not an 'allowance' as such. And as others have said, it would be safer for you to hang onto that - even in a bloody envelope! - or put it in a junior ISA style account that can't be touched by anyone until a certain time.

If you want them to learn how to manage money, it probably would be better to give them money to practice with. Whether that means occasionally (eg £20 on their birthday or Xmas) or more regularly (eg £3 a week in 'pocket money'), that, combined with savings accounts set up in their names and actual advice from you, would probably be more effective at actually teaching them about what to do it.

And @Raynaodld wont be back to clarify I’d bet

Tryagain26 · 19/02/2026 14:30

Can you just put the money away yourself in an account and then give it to your sister's as a lump sum when you think they need it. Stop the £40 month allowance .

parkezvous · 19/02/2026 14:33

HoskinsChoice · 19/02/2026 00:31

Put the money in a savings account and keep control of it yourself until a time that you're happy to give it to them. It's not the kids' fault that they've been given it so if you're keen to support them at least this way it will be protected.

This! Not sure why you didn’t do this in the first place given how you’ve described your parents attitude towards money. Well done you though OP!

Biker47 · 19/02/2026 15:54

Sorry, but you have your own children, as hard as it is, they're your priority over your siblings now. The £40 a month should be going to your kids not your sisters.

Sishere · 19/02/2026 16:02

The entire family, including the OP, need to receive some financial education