For stopping my sisters allowance

[Raynaodld]

I hate coming on here having a moan but I am slightly irritated. So I become a single mom and was put out on the streets by my ex partner. I’ve had to build my life back up from nothing with two toddlers in a very vulnerable position. I’m happy to say I bounced back on my feet but I spent years unhappy in a financially and emotionally abusive relationship that I felt like I had to stay in because I had no options. After hitting rock bottom I decided I was never going to be vulnerable again and started making plans to invest in my kids and I’s future, ensuring long term security. But after what I went through I realised I don’t want my two sisters ever in a spot where they feel stuck. They are young (there’s a big age gap between us.) So while also skimping to save for my kids I told my mom I would give them both £40 a month to tuck away until they are 18. I specifically told my parents not to tell them as kids don’t know the value of the dollar. My family were never taught financially literacy; I had to learn by myself and didn’t even know what a credit score was until I was well into my 20s. Had to learn on my feet. My parents are in their 50s and still rent. They don’t have any assets. If anything happened to them my sisters would be very unfortunate. Well long story short, my sisters messaged me today saying how happy they are with the money they received and are spending it on Roblox! I am so angry as I could use that money and save for myself or my kids but I want my sisters to be in a spot to buy a car or have money towards school or a house when they are older. (Whatever little helps.) I am thinking about stopping these payments and telling my parents they will have to save on their own. They never helped me financially and believe kids should learn for themselves while also not having anything to show for their own work so I doubt my sisters will be well off.

Take back control of your hard earned money. Op.
Kind as you were, it back fired.

Put the money into an account of your own and see it grow.

Once the siblings have jobs, challenge them to save as much as they can.
You could incentivize them, once they are sensible, and make a small contribution to their deposit once they have saved to buy a home or car etc.

Teach them what you have learnt. Some charities, like churches, often have qualified people teaching budgeting whom your parents might find helpful too.

You need to save the money separately if you want them to benefit when they are older. I’d reply and say the money is for when you’re older so you’ll give it to them when they’ve grown up. I’d be quite annoyed it would be wasted like that.

How old are your sisters?

if stop the money. your sisters are not your responsibility, giving them handouts won’t teach them anything and £40 per month won’t go that far in any event

Honestly I'd be saving for my own kids/myself if anyone!

Not sure why you thought your mum could be trusted with the money.

You have two young children and you’re a single parent .

I can’t get my head around you directing £80 a month to your sisters “just in case” fund rather than your own children’s future. On the basis of this decision of yours @Raynaodld , it doesn’t look like you’re great with money either tbh

It’s nice idea, I did similar for relatives and with only £10/month was able to give them £2.5 on their 18th birthdays as I saved it from birth. Put the money into a separate account of your own so you can judge when is a good time to hand it over as they may not be mature enough or have any need of it at 18 so handing over a lump could still see it frittered away

It was very kind of you but I’d honestly have been selfish and focused on my own DC. Your sisters are not your responsibility and given the general financial illiteracy, even if you’d given them it at 18 I’m sure it all would have been blasted on rubbish.

If your sisters are not being taught to be financially responsible, there is little chance that they will use their ’nest egg’ how you would imagine. As soon as they will get their hands on their ‘nest’ money, say, at 18, you will be helplessly watching them wasting it on partying and takeaways.

Did they give all the money over? If there's any left that they haven't handed to your sisters then demand it back so that you can put it in a savings account. I feel sad that this money could have gone towards your own DC and it's being wasted on games.

It sounds very kind of you but not sure in your circumstances I would be funding your sisters instead of using that money for your own children.

It sounds like you made a mistake giving the money to your mum rather than explaining directly to your sisters you wanted to help them save for their future. I think if you are in a position to give them money and want to help them the best thing you can do is help educate them about money first. Talk to them about savings and what this could be used for. I don't know how old they are, but really they should have some awareness of not always spending money immediately.
Your mum may not have explained that the money you gave was intended for them to save, or maybe even gave them a choice, which if they have no access to other money means they are going to want to spend it (do they get pocket money? Do they have birthday money to keep back for things like Roblox?).

Your kids first. If you are putting the same or more aside for your own kids, then great to do the same for them. But you need to keep it safe, not your mum.
If you are not saving the same for your own kids, then absolutely not.

With hindsight you should have saved the money for your sister's yourself and not said anything to your parents. I don't how long you've been giving the money to your parents but I bet there is nothing left. Knowing your parents aren't very good with money it seems crazy you chose to hand it over to them.
Its a nice thing to do to try and give them a start in life and good on you for doing back. If you want to carry on I'd keep the money and save it for them yourself

A fool and their money are soon parted, as the saying goes. Stop giving other people money. Concentrate on your own children

@Sishere surely that depends on what £80per month means to the OP, eg as a % of her disposable money. Thats not really for us to comment on.

I’d just say to your parents that you’ve found a savings account with good rates so will continue to save a little for your sisters in there instead.

That was a very kind thing for you to do OP 💐

But yes,agree with PPs.You and your own children must come first.

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If you want to save for.kids, it's better off you saving it for them. We opened a bank account for one of the grandbairns because her mother was spending her money.

Stop giving them money for micro transactions. You'll have to figure out another way to save it.

You sound like a lovely, generous sister but I agree with others who say that you should focus on saving for your own DC unless you are very wealthy.

You knew your parents are not too wise financially…ask them to send you money back and put it in savings as many pp said

If your parents open a Junior ISA for your sisters they won't be able to access the money before they are 18. Do consider whether they would be any more sensible at 18 than they are now. Would echo the others to only do that if your own family is financially secure, emergency fund of 6 months expenditure, savings for your children etc.

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You've been generous OP but perhaps not thought this through properly. Best not to hand over money to anyone like your parents who doesn't understand about long term planning. In future, save the money yourself and only hand it over to your sisters when you can help them use it wisely.

I put YABU simply because you should’ve opened a savings account for them and not told your parents or your sister.