To be annoyed at car salesman saying this……

[blythet]

Bought a new car at the weekend and overall experience was fine but now I’m kicking myself for not saying something back…. Would this annoy you or AIBU?

41 year old female, single mum with teen DD, professional career, own my own house and trading in a car to buy this new one (not wanting to sound smug but feel it’s relevant context).

The sales person was 60ish, male, old school values (telling me his wife had never worked and joking about him getting home to the dinner she’d made).

anyway…..he went away to get something and as he walked back across the showroom he shouted over in a ‘jokey’ voice “stop playing with your hair”. It just came across as very patronising and infantilising?! Or am I too sensitive. It’s hard to put into words why it bothered me so much, but it’s probably cos I know fine well he wouldn’t say it to a man.

I didn’t say anything at all. Was quite taken aback. But I made a point of continuing to play with my hair. He jokingly tapped the back of my hand and said “I told you about that”

appreciate it’s a bit of an annoying habit but wtf?! And why didn’t I say something? It was like he felt he had authority over me?

You had the power to walk away from the sale or request another sales person (I’ve done that before when car shopping due to sexist comments) but the time to do that was at the weekend. No point thinking about it now.

It was an odd thing to say. If he didn't like it, he should have kept it to himself.

That said, I think of playing with your hair as something a woman does to try to look cute or demure.

Most men don't play with their hair in my experience, so whether he would have said it to a man doesn't really apply here, IMO.

Show me a car salesman who is not an arse in one way or another. They're a breed apart.

None of the 'relevant context' was relevant at all?

He sounds creepy, I would've told him to mind his own business and get on with his job.

That’s true. It’s one of those situations that didn’t feel right at the time but it’s only thinking back that I’m annoyed I didn’t say something

At the time I’d been playing with me hair, it had only been my Dd & I that were sitting there then he was walking over from a distance. It wasn’t like I was sitting chatting to him, flicking my hair

You’re right. I guess I felt like he was treating me like a child so I was justifying that it’s not like I’m young or inexperienced

I would have turned round to him and said “Do you want to sell me a car or not?”

Who does he think he is to tell you that you can’t play with your own hair?And what on earth possessed him to tap you on the hand like a child? Not sure why he thinks he can reprimand a stranger twice. I would’ve given him a frown and told him I’d do what I liked!

But playing with your hair is childlike behavior. Would you do that in a work meeting?

My fil has a bad experience at a dealership. He drove three hrs away to the next nearest one and bought his car there. Not that you need to go that op, you can do whatever you want, but it was definitely rude and weird on his part.

She wasn't in a work meeting though?

She was hanging around waiting for this dick to sell her a car.

I would have asked to se someone else straight away

Perhaps he is modeling himself on Swiss Tony from the Fast Show.

I am on the fence

I think I sometimes play with my hair when I am at home sitting in front of my computer. I am not trying to look anything, I am completely alone. It's just a way of fidgeting, same way I play with my pen or bracelet. I don't do that at work or around people.

I had similar in a very "posh" furniture shop once. I'd bought a dining table, chairs and coffee table (first time I'd ever treated myself to new furniture and I wanted it to last a lifetime), when I spotted a matching cabinet. I turned to the salesman and said I'd like to have a look at it, then said I'd have one of those too and he started singing "she's just a girl who can't say no..." really loudly and started dancing around me in the shop. I felt really embarrassed and wondered if he was taking the mickey out of me. I bet he wouldn't have done it to a man.

Ok I'm 57 male done several careers, but unless I know someone really well, male, female or in between I don't make personal comments...I might say "I think I was born in the way" should I block someone else or otherwise take the piss out of me..but I do not make fun out of someone else, let alone when I am selling something! What a prick

I will never buy a car, in person, from a salesman anymore, as I have found them to be dismissive and patronising.
I now go to the various dealerships, only to test drive what I'm interested in, then use the Carwow website to source my car. The last time I did this I managed to get £9k off.

Too late now OP, but you've learned a valuable lesson. It's your money and you don't have to spend it where a salesman treats you like a child.

I wondered if he might have assumed that it was her way of charming him into 'giving the little lady a big discount'.

Maybe a cross between Swiss Tony and Derek (was it?) - the man who assumed that his colleagues were infatuated and trying to make a pass at him every time they asked him to sign a form or to borrow his stapler!

Ok say you were male and rubbed your stubble... there's no way he's saying anything..he's a cock...I've got a female friend who twiddles her hair when she's thinking. I've known her 45 years, I've never mentioned it because, well you don't...it's a habit and you don't upset your mates by pointing out habits, let alone strangers

To play devils advocate - were you nervous and playing with your hair to the point it was obvious and excessive. It could have been either annoying and distracting or it was his way of saying no need to be nervous.

my post was in reply of someone saying that women twiddle their hair to look "cute". It's not always true was my point.

I didn't say the salesman was not deranged.

But my friends would absolutely point out my habits 😂

Unfortunately this type of comment happens. I experienced a ‘joking’ sexist comment in a Toyota garage and ‘politely’ left while saying to my husband (who was there) “not a f@@ing chance am I buying a car from this rude idiot”.

I probably made zero impact but they sure as hell weren’t getting my money.

It could have been either annoying and distracting

Bless his little cotton Y-fronts.

He works with the public, he should be able to bite his tongue when someone does something very mildly annoying/distracting in front of him 🙄

Oh OP, tell me about it. I’ve been looking around car salesrooms too. One bloke asked me what I was looking for and so I started to explain whereupon he interrupted me patronisingly with a smirk saying ‘could you be a little less vague?’ I quickly replied ‘I haven’t finished yet’ which shut him up. After 5 minutes of him showing cars £2k above my maximum price, I walked out.

At other times, they direct all their talk to my male partner. Sigh. It’s tedious and he replies ‘I’m not the one buying’. At that point I lose interest and they lose a sale.

That said, I have come across a few lovely car salesmen with great interactional skills lately and would return to the showroom again for precisely that reason.