At my wits end with oversharing colleague

[Jadee78]

I’ve a female colleague who over the past 18 months has shared every detail of her marriage breakdown, subsequent divorce and more recently, her dating woes.

We are in a team of 10, but we’re remotely managed so our manager is only on site once a week and its usually the day my colleague doesn’t work.

I am all for getting along with my colleagues. But am I wrong for finding this latest conversation a step too far?

She has been seeing a younger man (30 - she’s mid 40’s). Last night, they spent the night together. We’d been told all day yesterday how she was nervous and she was working herself up about it.

She came in blushing today, and blurted out something about him being so good using his mouth and then went on about how she didn’t know she enjoyed being pleasured in ‘that area’ (meaning her rear).

One or two colleagues entertain her but I’m sick of it now.

AIBU to say something the next time she is so crude in front of me?

You just need to tell her you don't want to hear it. I have an oversharer, she tells us all about her swinging exploits. Sometimes we entertain it but if it gets too much we just tell her to shut up. There's no need for HR at this stage just telling her should suffice

I would also hate to be listening to that kind of talk. I would either change the subject or say too much information for my liking.

Gross wtf ? I think when you get close to colleagues it’s ok to share if you are having some problems but this is way too much and there is absolutely no need for it . This is beyond over sharing

Next time she is in, ask her all about it but only using the proper terms. "Linda, could you tell me more about the anilingus you experienced the other day? Did he put his penis inside your vagina too by any chance? I imagine there was lots of semen!' I've found that when people can't retreat to the security of euphemisms they suddenly realise how inappropriate they've been

I’d have to say something… Good grief, Sally, that’s waaaaay TMI for the workplace. Then pointedly, get on with your work, leave your desk or move elsewhere. And next time you are alone with her, tell her that you would rather not hear about her sex life and that it’s inappropriate. She might be annoyed / upset but you aren’t there to be her best mate!

Thanks all, some good suggestions here!

I would also find this uncomfortable. You need to try next time to go over the top and say you’re a prude and she needs to stop talking about sex around you.

I’d probably tell the manager that it’s TMI. I might en up saying something directly like OMG enough I don’t want to hear

Grim

She's announcing to everyone that hes licked her chocolate starfish? Thats gross 🤮🤮

Literally this

Of all the sex acts to brag about to colleagues, this would not be it😂😂😂

That's really grim, I would deffo be saying next time look Jane I really don't wanna know about you having your arsehole licked, please cut it out. That's revolting 🤣 🤣 😭

Report to manager and say she’s gone too far now and it’s not professional or expected workplace behaviour and you and colleagues don’t want to hear this anymore

Just updating to say that our manager has finally had a word with her, after a couple of us gave feedback after yet more inappropriate remarks on Monday about her weekend. More tales of mutual bum activities :sick:

Mutual bum activities is a phrase that should never go hand in hand with work 🤣 glad its sorted OP

I would leave a very formal typed note on ther keyboard stating that her colleagues as a group found her accounts inappropriate and unprofessional. If they continue she would be reported to management for inductrial misconduct. I would be seen to leave the building and then sneak back and deposit the note she she cannot possibly know who left it.

I'll stop you right there tmi and remember we're in work.

Saw your update👍

I'm green at the gills.

Had a colleague like this. And she was in her 50s 🤢 Telling us all the sordid details. I would be absolutely ashamed and embarrassed. Thinking back I think she had mh issues. She was constantly talking about herself and how fantastic she was. Didn't seem to live in the real world.

She’s possibly neurodivergent. I’ve come across this lack of awareness before, it’s very difficult to navigate as some people just don’t understand boundaries.

You have to be blunt with her, so she absolutely understands how inappropriate she’s being. Whilst everyone just accepts it, she doesn’t realise.

Follow up what the manager has said, with blunt refusal to listen.

Pleased to read this as this would absolutely be sexual harassment in my workplace - its so inappropriate to force other people to sit through talk about sex life/kinks and it's really not surprising that you found it upsetting and uncomfortable. Well done for saying something to your manager, you did the right thing. Even if its not as clear cut sexual harassment in your place of work, some social pressures (e.g. what topics are appropriate for the workplace) exist for a reason

How has she taken the talking to?

If she carries on I would absolutely go the formal complaint route

Edited as I can see you've reported her. Good job OP

Good, hope it works!