Would I be unreasonable to leave with my kids

[Freshhhhstart]

Hello
This could be outing so trying to keep it brief. Been together 20 years. I can't see the wood for the trees. Have suspected my OH has been cheating- no hard evidence. Things have not been right regardless of this and he has broken up with me. I have been heartbroken after weeks in limbo. I own nothing of the property. Our kids are still fairly young.
He is insistent we all stay at home as long as possible until he helps me rent somewhere else and says I am completely selfish to not think is the best for the children. I am not sure I want his help as he has been nothing but vitriolic for the last couple months.
I get it- consistency for the kids is important but I am unravelling mentally living in his home, knowing he has probably got someone else lined up and knowing we are no longer getting married or have a future and I will have to move out with the kids in the near future anyway.
He has stayed away from the family home for the last few weeks but it feels like he is dipping in and out and when I see him it is heartbreaking.
Would I be unreasonable to rent an Airbnb for me and the kids temporarily until we are rehoused or is that very selfish?
Thank you

Selfish in what way?

I am repeatedly told I put myself before the kids. If I take the kids before he is ready to help me get a new home then I am selfish as I am not giving them consistency and obviously forcing them to leave the family home. I am told I am selfish because I am prioritising my needs above our children's.

He does see them set times. But obviously things come up and it's entirely his home.

I think you need a firmer plan than an AirB&B and being rehoused (by which I assume you mean the council allocating you social housing.) The former will be very expensive, and in most parts of the country the latter could take a very long time with temporary accommodation (often not where you want to live) in the meantime.

It isn’t being selfish to prioritise what you feel is best for you, but go into that with a clear plan and not out of desperation just not to have to see him in the home any more. Have you approached the council yet about a housing needs assessment?

No, she’s not.

Just because someone tells you you’re selfish, doesn’t make it so.

Save your money for a divorce lawyer. As your married and theres a house thats mortaged its seen as martial assets so its not as simple as getting rehoused by the council.

The op said they were getting married, not that they were married.

Why are posters saying she’s married. She clearly states they are not married.

He has ended the relationship, left the property and is only coming back to see the children, is that right?

I think he may have a point. What is the reason for wanting to rush out to an airbnb which will be massively expensive for you.

Oh just seen your not married. You can leave at any time and present to the council as homeless, however they will stick you in temporary accommodation and they wont just house you from an air bnb its not that simple.

I'm not after finance advice- I am ok from that point of view (although not minted)

If you are financially stable, why don't you look at housing for rent then, rather than airbnb?

If you have money is there a reason you need to wait for your ex to help you find somewhere to rent? You can begin to explore that option yourself - you aren’t a couple anymore, you don’t need his permission or need to listen to him telling you what he thinks his best. Grey rock, don’t tell him your plans, just respond to any questions from him by letting him know you have things in hand and you’d prefer any talk about arrangements about the children are done by text or email for the time being.

I don't understand this at all but I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. If he's left you and the kids in the house can that just continue? If you're financially solvent could you make that work with his contribution? Change the locks so he can't come and go as he likes and take a minute to breath while you figure out what's next?

otherwise I can't see what splurging on an airbnb will bring you. If you have the money you can find a new place to live. If he's left you and the kids in the house and wants you to stay there and you can manage it, that's an option for now. I don't understand why you'd move out and put yourself in that position as you don't need to. You won't get rehoused by the council for years if ever.

I need to move out- he owns the house and wants me to move out eventually.

Move out then.

Ok so why do you have to do it on his timetable? If you have a job and your own money and will be renting by yourself, just start looking for rental properties.

also worth speaking to a solicitor if you have put any money into the house, even if it’s in his name.

sorry Posted too soon! Meant to add- start looking for a rental now, but long term, don’t go for airBnB then to the dcs new home, two moves will be more unsettling that just one.

Why are you not looking for a house to rent then?

And airbnb is expensive for a holiday, let alone a long let. Prices will go up weekly after Easter. Madness!