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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to scream and shout and stamp my big fucking feet?

81 replies

bangbangbang · 16/06/2008 09:10

I'm so pissed off because we are having to leave our rented house because we just cannot afford to live here.

Dp is works for a company but he is classed as self employed and the little prick that sorts out the work for everyone doesn't like my dp so he is not earning enough money.He can't say anything to his boss coz he will just say leave then.

We asked to go live with dp's mum in her 3 bed council house that the selfish bitch has all to herself but she said no coz she wants £100 a week.We are going to live with my mum in her 3 bed house so we will all be in 1 bloody room coz my brother still lives at home.My mum is fab and only wants half of rent and council tax which totals £75 a week.

We just need to save for a few months and have a really tight budget so we can either save a deposit or just back up for rent when times get hard.
If i get a job we don't get hardly any ctc and we would have to sort out childcare.

I'm seriously thinking of splitting up with dp and going to the concil to see if they will put us in tempory housing coz at the end of the day i have to make sure my dd's are housed.We was told a couple of years ago that because dp works they will not give us a council flat so theres no point going on the list.

I just don't fuking get it and don't see how we can live without money.To live in our 3 bed house in a shitty rough part of town is £750 a month so with council tax, water, gas and electric it's about £1000 a month.
When dp is only earning £200 a week how do we pay the bills and survive?
I just dont get how other people do it.

Sorry for the rant i just need to get it out and i already feel better.

OP posts:
muggglewump · 16/06/2008 10:05

I'd look into relocating to a cheaper part of the country.
Admittedly my rent is unnaturally low for my two bed house (375) but for a similar sized house with "normal" rental prices it's about £450 round here.
I'm nearish Glasgow in what's considered a really nice town.
It might be best for your family long term and there must be loads of places where it's cheaper to live than where you are now

Tortington · 16/06/2008 10:07

if you are in housing need you are in housing need.

these fallacies really piss me off

it matters not if you work
council houses are not for bpeople on benefits only

if you are going to lose your rented accom becuase you cannot afford to pay it - then go to the council

they will have a homlessness officer - who actually will try adprevent homelessness, they may negotiate with your landlord - or help with your rent - becuase after all in the short term untila council house comes up - its may be sensible to pay your landlord £50 per week - than put you in temp accom at the cost of 100's a week.

seriously - you ned to get your arse down the CAB now

phone shelter here

Tortington · 16/06/2008 10:08

oh and you can go into temp accom as a family y'know

harman · 16/06/2008 10:10

Message withdrawn

TigerFeet · 16/06/2008 10:11

good advice as usual from Custy

could she go to the council and declare herself homeless (on behalf of the family?) or would they see her as having made herself intentionally homeless? My friend who ended up in temp accom had to be formally evicted from her current house before the council would help her.

Tortington · 16/06/2008 10:21

entitled to make sureyou ae getting the right amount of benefit entitlement.

the homelessness oficer should be able to advise her of her councils policy.

as well as being flabberghasted - i am exasperated - i think it must be my age - that someone has gone to the trouble of trying to make arrangements with MIL

then come to an arrangement with Mum

and they haven't even gone to the CAB to see what they are entitled to and how housing need works.

what would happen to people without a mum to go to?

seems like things have been brewing for a while - with the research resources of te internet - one could have read their own councils website and phoned them for advice even.

if your family was in danger of being evicted - wouldn't yo do some basic research - even if you didn't rightly know what you were looking for

something better than .. my mate said if i claim as a single parent ...." that mate being a housing officer at the council?

you need to do some phone calls , research, council website, speak to homelessness officer. cab,

and thats without even looking for a nd applying for diferent jobs. - on job centre plus for both her and her dp
asking questions about how many hours she can work and what benefits she can get , asking questons like - childcare vouchers - whats that about then

will i be better of working at tesco 12 hours a week or will my WFTC be reduced

all those type of questions

WingsofaAngel · 16/06/2008 10:25

Are there any housing associations in your area ?

Dh is on a low wage he gets £31 per week working tax credit.
I get £70 ish per week for 2 dcs.

I would contact the council to see what you maybe able to get benefits wise and to see about housing.

Original poster
bangbangbang · 16/06/2008 10:27

thanks custy.

OP posts:
bubblerock · 16/06/2008 10:32

£200 per month tax credits doesn't sound right - is that just CTC? What about WFTC?

geekymummy · 16/06/2008 10:32

I get how you feel bangbangbang, when I was heavily pregnant the council didn't help at all, though DH doesn't have a big wage. We were too honest on the forms and said we had some (modest!) savings... you just get the impression that no one in the councils really gives a toss.

falcon · 16/06/2008 12:29

I understand that you're frustated and anxious but I can't help wondering why you'd consider your MIL to be a selfish bitch because she wants you to pay 100 p.w, which is a very reasonable rate imo.

BEAUTlFUL · 16/06/2008 12:59

Rather than lie that you're a single mum , how about you tackle the problem at its source -- find out the real reason why your DP doesn't get as much work as the others, and if it's something he can change.

He doesn't have to go into his boss complaining. He could say, "I've noticed that I'm not getting very much work, is there a reason why? Should I be doing something differently at work? Do I need more training?" etc. If he appears keen to work, his boss would be pleased.

Original poster
bangbangbang · 16/06/2008 13:06

there is no work because everybody is holding onto their money.he is window fitter and from nov to feb it's always tight anyway.

falcon she doesn't pay rent so that £100 would go stright in her pocket and we still have to do gas electric and food.

Dp's family are all about money where as mine are not.my brother has just offered us his room aswell and said he will sleep on the sofa.ofcourse we have said no but can we put a wardrobe in his room.

His boss doesn't care who does the work aslong as somebody does it and he gets his money.The bloke who hands the work out loves the power he has over people.

I'm just glad i have such a supportive family.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 16/06/2008 13:12

What about working nights for one of you whilst hte other does days? No childcare and 2 wages.

Original poster
bangbangbang · 16/06/2008 13:13

how do people work all night and look after a baby and toddler the next day?

OP posts:
falcon · 16/06/2008 13:20

Rent or no rent, I still think it's perfectly understandable to charge you for staying in her home long term.

You'll be taking up two rooms, presumably increasing the quantity of water, gas and electricity that she would normally use, possibly also some food.

Then there's also the inconvience of having to share one's home with others, as lovely as it may be to have company, it can also be very trying after a time, as I'm sure living with her would be for you.

BEAUTlFUL · 16/06/2008 13:20

Do you realise how negative you're sounding?! Why can't your DP try to get a bit more matey with this "power-mad" bloke to get more work? Couldn't he take him out for a pint or something? Could he not apply for jobs at other window companies? Could you not get an evening job, just sitting on a checkout even, from 5pm-8pm? All these steps would be far les disruptive for your children than your faking him leaving, or moving them around.

It's like you expect to be helped along every step of the way. My DH has a seasonal job, but we don't expect our parents to put us up! And why should you resent paying to live somewhere? So what if your MIL doesn't pay rent - it would be v disruptive to have another family move in, so why should she do it out of the goodness of her heart? Are you not grown-ups?

namechangerforagoodreason · 16/06/2008 13:23

I have namechanged for this because I know I going to get bollocked but I was in exactly your position last year. DH was working supposedly full time but wasn't actually getting the hours in his shitty little cleaning job. We got minimum ctc, and no HB or CTB. I've got 3 DC. We couldn't afford our private rent either.

DH gave up work and claimed dole. Has been for the past year now. We're still skint but we get more money than we did when he was working cos of the way they worked the hours and we get our full rent paid. TBH we are probably going to be in this situation for the forseeable future. Could this maybe be an option for you?

BEAUTlFUL · 16/06/2008 13:33

What a wonderful life-lesson you're teaching your kids, NCFAGR. "Want a home and a family? It's easy! Give up all work completely and just live off the government! Getting another kind of job might take a bit of time or energy, so just heave yourselves up to benefit counter instead."

Tortington · 16/06/2008 13:41

what is the biggest nearest town to you?

have you contacted council yet?

cab?

PersephoneSnape · 16/06/2008 13:43

chucking out your husband so that you may get housed gives all single parents a bad name. you have other options that will take more work, but don't go down the road of collusive seperation. i don't understand why you said it wasn't for benefit purposes what would you be living on given that you've said your DH isn't gettingf much work at the moment?

namechangerforagoodreason · 16/06/2008 13:44

You are completely right BEAUTIFUL I am not setting a good example at all. My DH has applied for numerous jobs in the past year all minimum wage all of which we would be about £500 a month worse off if he took. It's not worth me working because the childcare costs are higher than any actual wages I could earn. Oh and we are both qualified in several areas having gone on countless courses but of course for all these jobs you have to have experience. Not sure how we're supposed to get that if no one will give us a job.

I don't want to be a fricking benefit bum but I honestly can't see any other way out. I need to be able to apy my rent and feed my kids.

BEAUTlFUL · 16/06/2008 13:50

If your DH is currently on the dole, he's in the position where he could be getting experience in a job by doing it for free, or for a token £50 a week wage.

If he contacted several companies explaining his predicament and how he'd be happy to work for nothing in return for an entry on his CV, one would go for it.

ruddynorah · 16/06/2008 13:53

you don't have to work ALL night. most of my team work 6 til 11pm, on tills or putting stock out or tidying the store. then they all get up in the morning and look after their kids, same as i do. it's what people do.

you seem very defeatist considering you seem to have done very little to better your position, whether that be checking you're getting all you're entitled to or taking a job.

BEAUTlFUL · 16/06/2008 13:55

if you work in a supermarket, do you get a discount on shopping there too? that would be win/win.

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