To find “you can treat me” infuriating?

[symbylotic]

I’m fairly young and work in banking. The hours are horrific and I have little time to unwind. I probably won’t stay in this job for a year or so. I’m saving hard but also enjoying being able to afford nice things for myself, but nothing wasteful.

It’s easy to find out how much I earn. You just google company and job title and all sorts of student articles pop up.

This means most of my family would know how much I earn. Whenever I speak to them they say things like “oh maybe you could treat me😁” or if we go for dinner it’s “I know how you like to treat your mum” or even DP now joking he isn’t going for more stressful roles because “I can look after him”.

I am fairly generous and believe in hospitality, but AIBU to find these comments infuriating? It adds so much pressure and expectation that I have to work horrendous hours like it’s my responsibility

"No" is a complete sentence. Use it or things will never change!

YANBU, just laugh and ignore, they'll get bored of themselves quickly.

Are these (bad) jokes or are they genuinely expecting you to pay? I think it's something that people of a certain generation like to say, thinking they're funny. That you can pay for them after 18+ years of them paying for you. Especially as you say you're young. I wouldn't take it so seriously, I don't think people are genuinely expecting you to buy lots of things for them. That would be very unusual.

I wouldn't be treating anyone who was entitled enough to suggest it themselves. What a cheek!
Also, what you earn is your own business, you don't owe anyone anything.

I wouldn’t expect anyone to ‘treat’ me, a young person especially!

Have you paid off your mortgage (and any student loans) and have a fat pension sitting there? If not, then I wouldn’t spend your money treating family members who have!

Just explain to them that you don’t want to treat anyone or have anyone mention that you are well paid. Sounds reasonable.

Are they just saying it because you’re newly employed? If not then just say no. I’m not in the habit of background checking my love ones salary. It wouldn’t occur to me to even do it and I’m pretty sure thats standard for most people. So as much as it’s annoying they assume you’ll pay it’s also presumptuous that they’d know what you’re on

Just ignore them

How old are you and what do you earn?

Banking careers can be well paid, but it sounds like you’re on a graduate salary?

If you’re young and at the bottom of the career ladder and have housing costs etc to think about I find it odd that they are saying this.

It's unlikely anyone who doesn't need to know how much you earn would bother to find out. Most people don't think like that. I mean anyone could google my job and find a rough idea of how much I earn, but why the hell would they?

It's most likely just a little gentle joke - friends and family wouldn't put you on the spot like that, they wouldn't be trying to profit from you.

The people saying that feel entitled to spend your money that you make from your hard work.

The answer is no. If they keep it up, tell them directly to stop asking.

Your partner's remark is especially problematic as he feels he can slack while you grind hard and support him.

Cheeky so and sos!

The only time I've said something similar is when I'd given my friend a lift (about 16 miles each way) and she suggested we get a drink. She said "aren't you getting yourself a coffee?" and I said "I thought you'd like to treat me seeing as I've driven you here". She checked herself and happily ordered one for me. How often does that happen on MN?

Is this what people mean when they talk about gaslighting?

They are embarrassing if they really mean it. I would be saying to them don’t believe everything u read. Including ur partner. U are being sensible and smart and good for you. I understand the frustration be had it too and I’m not even in a great paid job but still those type of comments infuriate me. No one’s business. Let them speculate and divide that bill and if they still do keep doing it stop going out with them to prove a point.

Your friend not offering you a coffee..is that ok as far as you are concerned? That you to ask. .. I’d be flabbergasted.

How would they be trying to convince op she's going mad here? If they tell her she's wealthy often enough she'll start to believe it and pay for dinner?

I was a bit taken aback - that's why I asked.

Ooh you're very bold.

Admirable really.

Thanks 😊. Occasionally I get "possessed" by the spirit of a stronger woman and stick up for myself! The sky never fell in.

I love this. Good for you.

Cheeky sods! I used to have this and I found that ‘haha very funny!’ With a hard stare and smile after soon stopped all that.

Your dp’s comments?? Leave this man, it’s giving broke bottom 🤢🤢🤢

Yes! Good on you for mentioning it and not just silently seething!

Are they actually expecting you to pay, or is this their way of saying you are doing well? It's the kind of term my family have used before but they have never expected me to pay for everything.

Keep your boundaries.