Aibu to get involved with a man in am open relationship

[Confuserr]

Per the title really.

This man, let's call him Adam, asked me out. Know him (and his long term GF, "Eve") through friends. They've been open since started dating. I know this is true, and not pressure from either or someone pretending to be open as they're cheating.

Pros - he's gorgeous, kind and fun, I am not looking for a serious relationship (no DC, don't want them), I'm v busy with work and friends so dating (and tbh sleeping with) someone without some of the pressure woulds be great.

Cons - I guess there's a risk I'll get too attached (which might happen with any relationship) or jealous of Eve (or anyone else he's seeing). My family/some friends would be judgmental. Might be annoying if he's not free when I am.

I'm veering towards go out with him once and see how it goes rather than overthink it now, but interested in anyone with similar experience.

Depends. Can you seperate your emotions from sex?

Could you break it off if you find yourself getting attached.

I think you’ve answered your own question

maybe pick someone you don’t know their partner

there is plenty of single men out there who don’t want commitment - maybe plump for one of them

Madness. A one way ticket to feeling like absolute shit

This.

Open relationships/casual sex all fine but not with someone whose partner you know. That's weird.

Normally a rule of open relationships is still don’t shit on your one doorstep so no friends or family.

If you do go for it you risk a ruined friendship.

I don't know her, I've met her briefly. Met him a handful of times through a shared interest she doesn't have. When I say I know them through friends, I mean I know (about) them enough to know he's not faking being in an open relationship in order to cheat, and that they're both on board with it etc.

Not for me because I’m very possessive once my emotions are engaged, and I don’t share. I also can’t easily separate my emotions from sex.

I would/did, it worked out amazing in the end but there were a few rough moments as we worked it all out.
Is it a truly open relationship as in is he looking for a girlfriend rather than a casual sex partner? That's a bit more risky for you as you may find it harder to separate emotions from things if he's actively trying to woo you/make you his girlfriend! You need to decide what your boundaries are and stick to them.
If you've ever been curious about non monogamy (I had) it's worth a go. He sounds like a decent person to try it with given his situation.

Yes I think so I have had casual partners before. I don't like one night stands and would rather go on dates too/know someone, but equally I don't actually want a relationship so don't want to lead someone on who might be aiming for that. And I'm quite a flaky date due to work stuff.

It's hard work emotionally - it can be hard work with just two people, let alone more.

If you're a jealous type, don't. Can you cope with hus primary partner taking priority over you?

You don't have any children - does anyone else involved?

Find out what their ground rules are. Will you be a ONS, or a regular partner? Will he be seeing others alongside you and his primary partner? Will it just be for sex or will you have dates, e.g. going out for a mesl or to a gig or exhibition together, or whatever you like doing? Has everyone had recent STI tests, and do they repeat them? Are condoms slways used? What about logistics? Your house, his house, hotel?

There are probably loads of other questions you shoukd think about,but these would be a start.

Well, the worst that happens really is you decide after a bit that it isn’t for you and you can say “thanks for the fun times, but I don’t think this sort of set up is for me” and move on. If you want to try it, go for it. You’re not bound to anything by a decision to go on some dates and have some sex.

I have an open marriage; I’ve dated a couple of men and women who’ve said exactly the above.

My first thought was the increased risk of STIs if this guy has multiple sexual partners simultaneously.

And I think you have to have an exceptional talent for disengagimg feelings to happily have sex with the partner of someone you know. Even if the other woman has given your relationship with her partner her blessing, so to speak.

I won't lie: I find d this whole idea really horrible. But if you are emotionally capable of doing it then fair enough.

So you don't really know them, you only know of them through friends and have only met him a handful of times? Sorry, but are you absolutely sure that "Eve" knows she's in an open relationship? Men are so full of shit, you really can't believe a word they say. To be honest, there are so many unattached blokes out there that would bite your hand off for a no strings relationship. Why complicate things by chosing one that's actually got a partner?

Exactly this

Omg - you are already a dream date for so many men - absolutely no need to complicate things with being a third in a relationship

personally I think you have too many worries to go for it - normal worries most would have

there must be saying sights for people who dont want commitment

I would say it’s a bad idea, but if you want, you will, bad idea or not.

Disgusting..

As mentioned above...are you sure Eve knows she's in an open relationship?

Non monogamous people are generally MUCH more responsible about their sexual health than other people who engage in casual sex.

How so?

They probably are more responsible.
But multiple sexual partners still increases the potential risks, no matter how careful you are.
Having just listened to a programme about kissing the potential illnesses from doing that alone with multiple partners is enough to put me off.

A sexual health worker did AMA earlier today - she said the most diligent with sexual health were sex workers!!!

Well yes I actually read that.
And given the potential loss of earnings it makes sense.
I'm assuming though that neither OP or her potential new lover are sex workers.

Of course but I would him to be more healthy than other men or women

No reason not to, if you would like to date/have sex with no fear of commitment.

Jealousy can arise in these situations - but you can just stay aware of it, and if it starts to arise, you can call the whole thing off.

Just don't go into it hoping you will supplant Eve. In my experience, in these kinds of established poly relationships the couple stay fiercely loyal to their "core" relationship in an emotional sense, and any new partners who take any steps to threaten that are pretty swiftly moved on......