to feel irritated about the lack of men taking time off for half term?

[HazelMember]

It always seems to be the women scrabbling around trying to sort childcare for half term. In my office the conversation started months ago about who’s booking leave, who’s juggling grandparents, who’s working from home with kids in the background. It’s nearly always the mums having these discussions.

What gets me is that quite a few of these couples have very similar roles and levels of responsibility. It’s not as though the husbands are all surgeons or airline pilots who physically can’t take time off. They work comparable jobs. Yet you rarely hear the fathers talking about booking annual leave for half term or planning what they’re doing with the kids.

I’m not saying all dads, obviously. I know some who absolutely do their share. But culturally, in my workplace at least, it still seems to default to women managing it. Even when both parents work similar jobs.

Is your DH taking time off for half term OP? I totally understand your point but Im not sure what the use is in being annoyed on other people’s behalf in your office.

Not the case in my office.

Most of my colleagues who take leave during school holidays want to do it. I’m sure there are women who feel forced to because they’re married to men who refuse to, but for the same reason there are more SAHMs and part-time woking mums than there are dads, there will be choice there in a lot of cases.

Interesting I'm seeing the opposite. The men tend to have nice managerial type office jobs so it's very easy for them just to take time off when they fancy. A lot of their wives have jobs where they work shifts or it's much more difficult to get specific time off (so they tend to save doing that for particular needs).

I work in an almost entirely male office. Leave for school holidays is still very much in demand.

No he is not because DC are no longer at school.

Isn't AIBU partly about people who get annoyed for various reasons?

Not the case at all where I work

I don’t have this in my current workplace but recognise what you’re describing from previous workplaces.

My DP is taking the same amount of time off as me, and his job is more senior and with more responsibility than mine at the moment. But he understands that we are both equally responsible for the children when they’re off school.

DH is taking two days off for half term, and doing the holiday club drop off and picks ups the other days.

I took a few days off recently when DS2 had a virus - if it's not something like half term where all the DC are off, then you probably wouldn't hear about it if your colleagues DHs/DPs were taking time off for random illnesses/assemblies/sports tournaments while their partners were at work.

It’s fair to say they do in my office.

But between my exh and me there’s definitely this divide!

Last Feb half term, it was his half term, he was ill, and the kids just stayed with me in the background climbing the walls whilst I worked. Had to take some last minute leave.

This time I’m ill. He’s gone ahead with his plans to go away with his partner and younger kids. Now granted my youngest is refusing to go anywhere near him at the moment but it just doesn’t enter the equation that he should have to alter his plans.

And he doesn’t have the same urgency re making sure there’s always something in place, as my youngest will just drift back here and climb the walls here if ex is also working during his holiday time.

My eldest is old enough that she doesn’t need arrangements making - I means she’s old enough to be paid to babysit but tends to have her own plans!

I work for a company that is 70% male. I can always tell when it is half term (I work in payroll so deal with holiday requests).

My husband has always worked in education so it was always him who did the school holiday childcare.

This doesn’t resonate with me, women don’t have any additional annual leave than men. It’s always split in my circles.
I’m not sure why someone else’s family set up bothers you so much though. It only has to work for them, not you.

Behind every man not taking time off is a woman facilitating it

Among my friends and colleagues it is a pretty even spilt. Me and DH are both off for 1 day this week for half term. I will have DS the majority of the time because I wfh full time. DS is 10 and can occupy himself so it doesn’t make sense for DH to take any more days off.

I wasn’t suggesting you shouldn’t post. So I guess in answer to your thread, YABU.

Also in my office it’s pretty equal who takes time off for kids, the men just don’t seem to discuss the details of their lives as much. The fact that women find common ground over childcare issues more, doesn’t always mean men are just shit.

I thought it was pretty well shown by the relevant research and statistics that women do more to cover holiday childcare than men. So although it’s great to hear that lots of people’s work places aren’t like that, the majority won’t be.

Maybe the men prefer to talk about something else?

Yes, the men I work with just put their leave request in, job done. What needs talking about?

I deliberately didn't put the kids half term dates on the calendar this month as I wanted to see how long it took for my husband to realise the kids were off.

Friday. The day they broke up, and only because the kids asked me in front of him if they "could have late bedtimes next week".

" Did you know it was half term next week?" Erm, of course I did. It's February, it happens every year. To be fair to him, he immediately offered to book off some half days to take them out.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Presumably there is a limit to how much leave everyone gets. So while men might not take leave now they might have it booked off for a different holiday.

I get really annoyed too when I see blokes booking airplane seats away from the mum and the kids

KNOB!

I told a friend of mine that I’d reschedule my flight for the next flight/day if I were her. I was a single parent myself, so have zero patience for men in partnerships with the mother of their kids who don’t take responsibility for their own kids equally.

3 of us in my office with primary aged children. I am in, the two Dads are off.

Dh is currently looking after ours, though I will have a day off later in the week.

Yanbu my stbxh is completely perplexed by the expectation that he would have to use annual leave to cover childcare in the holidays

he is adamant this is my issue to resolve and as a police officer he can’t be expected to take time off. Insane.

Reminds me of all the men who cant possibly take time off because they are 'self employed, so if I dont work I dont get paid' fair enough if you're struggling financially due to shit luck, but the idea that your children magically stop needing childcare because you dont want to give up any beer money to save to cover the school holidays, absolute nonsense. Its always men who've been self employed since they left school and therefore have been fully in possession of the knowledge that if they have kids they will need to save for holiday time too...

So are these men not taking any time off to look after children at other times? Because even two lots of annual leave taken totally separately isn’t enough to cover school holidays. Are you saying these men are just taking random school days off work instead of time during holidays?

I’m off this week, but it’s not a sign DH doesn’t take time off, it’s a sign that he’s off for the May half term instead.