Pet cats making my hate my home

[Tesora]

Can anyone give me any advice on getting through the next 10+ year. A year ago we adopted two kittens I'm autistic and new I would struggle with a pet but my husband and children had been begging for years and whilst they are the one who take care of them I feel so unhappy I feel like my home is no longer my home it's always covered in cat hair no matter how much I clean they're always going in places they shouldnt be and causing problems I'm finding myself not enjoying my home at all because of them It seems silly but I'm so sad because of them but my kids are bonded and love them so much socwas.hopeing someone had some advice to make things easier. Thank you

Is there somewhere in the house that you could make inaccessible for the cats? Eg could you keep your bedroom door closed all the time so you know there’s a cat-free area you can retreat to? At least then you know there’s somewhere with no cat toys or mess.

It won’t be easy for neurotypical posters to understand why this troubles you so much. You are likely to get a bunch of replies telling you that you shouldn’t have got the cats which won’t help because you already know that. Try not to let it upset you.
It might help to tell us a little more about them going in places they shouldn’t and causing problems. Where are the places they shouldn’t go and what problems do they cause?
Can you create a cat free space that you can retreat to?
I have 2 DDs with AuDHD. They both adore our cat but the cat is absolutely obsessed with one of my DDs and occasionally DD does find her overstimulating and needs to shut her bedroom door temporarily. What about them do find especially bothersome? Do you dislike being sat on? Do you worry about germs?

Yes I think that might help. We have a big fluffy dog and hair, muddy paws and dog smell are an issue in winter despite a lot of cleaning but he never goes upstairs (we have a stair gate to stop him and he doesn’t want to now) so that at least means the top 2 floors are dog fur free. Appreciate cats are a lot more free range but keeping doors shut on some rooms especially your bedroom might help.

They don't go upstairs so I can be away from them in that way but it does stop me being part of the family a lot as I find myself hid away upstairs instead of being with family. Also I wont go down on a morning until someone has been down fed them emptyed litter tray etc as I can't deal with the smell so I feel very trapped.

They keep going on the kitchen benches no matter what detterents we use as soon as we're not in the room they are up there and they keep pulling things out of drawers and going on the tv unit etc just feels like I have to clean before I can eat sit anything.

They have a room that is mainly there room other than when someone needs the desk which isnt often where they have beds scratch posts toys but they never really in there they sleep on the sofa/chairs rather than there beds what doesn't help the hair situation.

It's the constant cleaning but it still feeling dirty the smell and the feeling like its not my home anymore as life seems to revolve around waiting for them to be seen to before I can go downstairs.

It seems so silly wrote out but I genuinely feel so sad lately over the situation.

They don't go upstairs so my bedroom is free from them but it just feels like I'm banished there sometimes 🤣

Is it safe for them to go outside (enclosed garden?) my cat goes and does the toileting outside so there is no litter tray needed. That would get rid of one of your problems and having to wait upstairs until they're seen to.
As for jumping on counters, the only thing you can do is keep encouraging them down - use water spray so its not a pleasant thing for them to go there. Feed them on the floor etc.

I have never had cats, but lots of friends and family do. None of them use litter trays as they all trained the cats to go outside. They either have cat flaps or the cat has a shelter outside it can use overnight, like a shed etc. I don't know how old your kittens are, but you could aim to train them and then the litter trays are only a temporary problem.

Ditto the kitchen counters, just squirt them with water! Cats can't be trained like dogs obviously, but they can learn a few basic house rules.

re smells could you use the coping strategy you used for cleaning baby nappies? clothes peg or swimming nose clip on the nose or whatever? is it the poo that smells as the quickest way to stop that is to use a poop scoop or a doggy poo bag and bag the offending item and put it out the door into a container for this purpose or the wheelie bin (not the insude bin). if it’s pee smells then you need a different cat litter ss it shouldn’t smell that bad.

or could you speak to dh about setting up a time that one of them has to feed the cats at eg 7.30 or whatever every day. that way you don’t have to wait until the lazy ones have a long lie meanwhile your trapped upstairs. it’s better for the cats too to be fed at the same time daily.

re fur do they all groom the cats? they should be getting them used to being gently brushed. that will remove excess hair rather than it getting on furniture.

it feels like a family conference is required as having pets means thwy have to do stuff as it’s all your home. they may have to work a bit harder. for example hoovering more. a quick run round with a handheld dyson or whatever on benches snd seats etc is achievable.

I completely get this. I was the definition of crazy cat lady before my daughter way born, but once she was here I couldn’t get over how grim it was them making the kitchen, bedsheets, her toys etc dirty. So spent almost all our time in the nursery where they didn’t go for as long as possible.

Now I’ve realised it’s them that should be compromising, not my family. In our new house the cats have the conservatory and don’t come in the main bit of the house. I want the conservatory for our use now so will be setting up a sort of catio for them either in a shed with free access for them, or converting some of the garage into their space and putting a cat flap in.

Much sympathy for you.

I'm autistic with three cats, I chose to have them but I also understand what you're struggling with.

It helps to have a room you don't allow them access to, keep at least one room petfree.
Also instead of having their litter boxes, toys, climbing trees ect..spread around the house put all their stuff into one room. You could get the cats into a routine of being put in that room for an hour a day to give you a break, I find mine tend to spend a lot of their time in the spare room freely just because all their stuff is in there.

It definitely makes them easier to live with. Also they can be trained, they're stubborn but as intelligent and trainable as dogs. Another thing is daily brushing will reduce the shedding.

PS - sheets of tinfoil on kitchen work surfaces can be a deterrent in the short term.

edit - we’ve never been able to train ours. They know what they shouldn’t be doing ie go on kitchen counters and would get down when we approach but would never actually not do it.

As a ND adult with AuDHD I can totally understand why you are not coping well. I am exactly the same. I have no strategies to help but I hope you manage to figure something out that makes it an easier situation for you to deal with. X

I too totally understand. I don't know if I am ASD but my son is and we're all OCD and very German. Like, our house has to be clean all the time. It's a precision project. Add pets to that and well, it goes against everything we stand for. Actually, we do ADORE our pets. But, I get it, OP.

We have a large gun dog and two cats, one which is a real shedder and it does drive me nuts. But firstly, in your case, the kitten phase is as hard as it gets. So the stress of them being kittens will add to the overall stress you are experiencing. This will get better.

Secondly, I recommend getting a robo vacuum for the main part of the house Just make the main part of the house their domain. Get a couple of cat scratchers. It doesn't have to be anything wild and crazy like a cat tree. We literally have one slant board type scratcher which works great.

Is there any possibility you can make the cats outdoor cats (this helps MASSIVELY)? There's no way I'd have litterboxes for life. No can do. It's just gross and to me, this is the one thing that you really should eliminate.
Litterboxes as kittens? Sure. But once they're older and outdoors, that's where they do their business. Don't poop where you eat applies to cats too.

I keep everything clean-as-I-go, run the robo vac in the morning and sometimes before bed. I keep a spray mop to hand and just give the floor a once over in the morning and sometimes in the evening, wipe down surfaces, keep the duster handy.

We have a robovac and I definitely second that suggestion. Of course you still have to do some stuff yourself but it cuts down on it. Ours mops the hard floors too. I love it.

I am also grossed out by cat litter boxes and although I do have to pick up dog shit twice a day I think I’d prefer that to having a box with shit in my house. Definitely train them to go outside.

Do they have to eat smelly wet food as well? Can’t they have dry kibble that doesn’t smell? Again I can really understand finding wet food gross especially if any of it hangs around going crusty.

You could get them dry cat food and an automatic feeder so they’ll always be fed on time - your husband and kids just need to keep it topped up. Also agree with getting a cat flap so they go outside instead of using a litter tray. We don’t have the tray out anymore as they never use it. They calm down a lot as they get older however make sure someone is giving them enough play time and interaction daily so they’re not getting into mischief. You can train them not to jump on counters, tables etc. No need to shout or be aggressive. Just be clear and consistent on what the house rules are.

Would you ever think about rehoming @IKnowWhatTheAnswerIs as you are basically banishing your cats from the family space? Living in a garage or a shed is not ideal for any animal and they would probably be happier somewhere else.

Let them outside even if only a catio, you can but their litter trays in the catio as well.

Also automatic feeder set it for half an hour before you’d normally want to go down.

Some good constructive suggestions here I think

I was thinking that too. It’s a shame, & rescues are brimming over, but the cats deserve to live somewhere they’re loved & wanted. Do you spend much time playing with & stroking them?

FFS don’t advertise them on social media or Pets 4 Homes though - if you have any independent rescues locally, they may agree to advertise the cats for you & vet potential adopters in return for a donation.

This makes me so sad. Cats are excellent with babies and children, and very helpful for reducing allergies. No-one ever gets sick from general contact with cats.

You are basically banishing your once loved cats to exile.

As well as autism, this sounds like you have OCD as well? Cats are mostly clean animals as they lick themselves and traces of saliva going onto other surfaces shouldn't be causing any detriment to your health (unless its an allergy).

@Tesora I can understand the kids begging for a pet, kids usually do at some point. But what on earth was wrong with your husband? Surely he had some idea that you were completely unsuited to it (autistic or not). Please take the advice of @EmpressaurusKitty If you want to rehome them do not advertise them on social media or Pets 4 Homes or similar sites, or consider giving/selling them to anyone you don't know very, very well. Take them to an accredited rescue centre otherwise god knows what horrible fate will befall them.

@ginasevern it's @IKnowWhatTheAnswerIs who needs to consider rehoming
Edit: apologies I completely misread!

You’re going to make your cats live in a shed or garage? Seriously? What about when it’s cold?

If you don’t want your cats to live in the main house and be treated as part of the family then you need to rehome them.

At the moment they are the equivalent of young teenagers. They will grow up and calm down over the next year. Your husband and children do need to take responsibility for most of the practical bits of cat parenting as it was them who wanted them.