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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like I’m not going to have a baby now I’m 30

61 replies

JollyLilacGoose · 15/02/2026 00:26

No partner and obviously time is running out. It also feels like basically everyone my age is a mother now or pregnant.

OP posts:

Twooclockrock · 15/02/2026 07:56

Most of my friendship group met their partners post 30 and then had a child after that.

Peonies12 · 15/02/2026 08:00

all my friends and I had kids in our mid to late 30s. I think you’re panicking unnecessarily.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 15/02/2026 08:01

Im 34, had my kids young but most of my friends are just having babies now!

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 15/02/2026 08:02

Honestly are you actually meeting single men?

I had this "crisis" at 31 and did an audit. I met / interacted 2 decent single men in a month and 1 was gay!
I realised i wanted a life partner and probably a family? I spend over 3 yrs on the hell holes that are tinder and bumble... I treated it as a part time job. Literally i did 16/20 hr of matching or dating per week.

I married at 37 had my kids at 38 and 40.
I'm 42 in a 5 bed house with a nice husband 2 kids and a dog.

it takes work and some luck but It can be done.

LoftyAmberLion · 15/02/2026 08:02

How ridiculous. You’ve got years ahead of you.

mmmarmalade · 15/02/2026 08:05

32 and 35 for my two - never even crossed my mind to worry about it.

Strawberrryfields · 15/02/2026 08:11

mmmarmalade · 15/02/2026 08:05

32 and 35 for my two - never even crossed my mind to worry about it.

Ok but when did you meet their father? I don’t think 30 is too old at all but can understand being single at 30 and having a wobble.

GlmPmum · 15/02/2026 08:12

Give over, plenty of time! I met my husband at 30, married at 34 and had our DS at 36.

MyLimeGuide · 15/02/2026 08:14

Do this thread in 10 years and we might emphathise.

MabelMoo23 · 15/02/2026 08:14

I didn’t meet my now husband until I was 36 had my kids at 39 and 41

Matildahoney · 15/02/2026 08:17

I met my DH at 36, we had our first at 41, and at 43 I'm pregnant with our second. So it's definitely possible

Strawberrryfields · 15/02/2026 08:18

I think 30 can often be seen as this big milestone where you have your shit together but for many people it’s not. It’s very likely you still have plenty of time to meet a partner and have children. I know lots of mums who’ve had their first late 30s and still fit in a second child too. Depending on where you live, this might seem older (I think in cities older parents seem more commonplace) but it happens a lot.

Agree with earlier poster about dating with intention. You’ve got time but don’t waste it on those who aren’t worth it/ aren’t on the same page.

OriginalSkang · 15/02/2026 08:20

I have a 47 year old friend who is trying for a baby still. I don't know anyone who had a baby in their 20s

Bubba2dueJuly26 · 15/02/2026 08:24

Looking at it from a different angle, it’s completely understandable to feel “behind” if you are the only one in your friendship circle to not have kids yet / not have a relationship.

It is really easy to compare and I have been a victim of this in the past.

The good news is these thoughts are not facts and 30 is still incredibly young.

I was by far the youngest in my NCT class with my first at 27. 80% of couples were over 35.

Are you actively going out of you way to find a partner? Or looking into your options?

Bushmillsbabe · 15/02/2026 08:25

I met my DH a week before my 30th, married at 33 and had children at 34 (honeymoon baby conceived on first attempt) and 36. I only have 1 friend who had a child before 30.
20's is the time to travel, build your career, get financially stable and figure out who you are as a person I think. At 30 you need to start considering your priorities. As a poster said above, if a partner and children is what you want, you need to start dating intentionally.

ByHonestHedgehog · 15/02/2026 08:25

I hear you, there’s a lot of societal pressure for women once we reach 30, I had a hard time and really felt like I’d failed on what I wanted in life because I was single and had no children at 30

I went on to meet DH, had my first at 33 and second at 37. Echoing that our NCT group with the first was all mostly 30+

Don't give up if that’s what you want from life OP there’s still time

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2026 08:27

I agree that you need to be really picky about who you date, make sure they want children and get rid quickly, if not suitable. There will be a percentage of women, who never have a live birth, because they have left it too late (for their body) and that starts at 35. According to fertility doctors, they fill their clinics. But there's a percentage of women who don't have issues until 40. You've got time, but used that time wisely.

Labamba78 · 15/02/2026 08:27

I didn’t even meet my partner until I was 31, and was one of the youngest in my ante natal group at 34. Now at 37 most of the mums at nursery are older than me! 30 is no age to be panicking. Please don’t worry.

Girasoli · 15/02/2026 08:36

It's 50/50 amongst my group of friends - the ones that had a baby under 30 it was either a surprise, they'd met their DHs at university, or they were religious.

The other 50% met their partners after 30 and started having babies then.

Hobbit90 · 15/02/2026 08:38

Just had my first at 38, only met my partner at 34, took us a few years to conceive. You’ve got time.

GreenAppleAndALilSalt · 15/02/2026 09:10

I had a horrendous break up (we were engaged) at 30 and felt like that was it for me in terms of children. The thing is - whatever age you are, you feel old, because it’s the oldest YOU’VE ever been. I promise you 30 is no age at all.

I did some solo trips, did a tiny bit of dating, and crucially, prioritized my friends. I really expanded my friendship group and met lots of people of different ages, who were all on different paths through life.

Met my partner at 31 through work, got together at 32, and I’m currently writing this with our baby sleeping on my chest, born when I was 35. (Also, if it helps, most people in our antenatal classes as first time mums were in their mid-to-late 30s).

RoJakit · 15/02/2026 09:22

I felt very similar at 29. I'd just come out of a 3 year relationship (my first) as he'd decided he really wasn't sure about children or staying in the UK. I was so worried I'd never meet anyone else and never get to have the family I longed for. But I got back into online dating and had no qualms about making it clear I wanted children by my mid thirties, but obviously that was only one aspect of what I was looking for! Met my now husband and I had my children at 32 and 34.

I honestly think you have nothing to worry about but going back in time, I remember how worried I felt, but I knew agonising about it would make me come off desperate and have less chance of finding someone! So I kind of had to make my peace with the fact that maybe I wouldn't end up with children, and that would be ok - there would be positives to it.

Sometimeswinning · 15/02/2026 09:32

I sometimes think mumsnet is desperatly
trying to change the narrative of life. All
these parents in their 40’s is unusual.

Looking forward to the grandparent/MIL threads on here in about fourty years!

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 15/02/2026 09:35

Behave OP. Most women I know didn't have kids til their late 30s.

mondaytosunday · 15/02/2026 09:47

Average age of first time mothers is now 32. I had mine at 41 and 43. Many of my friends had theirs in their 40s, oldest being 46. All conceived naturally.

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