To not lend the money to ex

[Isitvintage]

My ex, who we share a toddler with has asked if I could lend him money.

On Valentine’s Day! When the reason we broke up was he had a secret family and double life. Who he happily spent the holidays with. And the woman keeps sending me rude messages from different numbers (blocked her). He has also missed all of his CM payments. He has been “babysitting” lately, so we’ve seen more of eachother recently.

My initial reaction is no. But then I feel bad. AIBU for saying no?

"Im sorry im struggling as it is without your maintainence money"

Just no. You will never get it back and you will be seen as a soft touch/mug/cash machine. Tell him you've spent all your money on taking Mumsnetters to lunch and he can reach out to us for any money. Yet another CF out to make someone's life hard

He’s a comedian isn’t he, daft fool. Be careful with him “babysitting” if it is in your home, he sounds like a friend’s ex, he stole her jewellery, the bonus is he never bothered with the children afterwards.

Op, as a single parent, you have a long road ahead of you.
He really is a loser.
You chose to have this child and they deserve to have one decent parent.
You are it.
Accepting being treated so poorly means you are vulnerable.
If you are vulnerable, then so is your child.

Don't be one of those women who is used and abused by loser waster men, and gives their child a totally shite childhood as a result.

Wise up.
Harden your heart.
Toughen up.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to strengthen your boundaries.

You and your child deserve a good life.
It's up to you to make the choices that provide you both with it.

You can do this. Start with not entertaining this loser trying to use you for money.
What a loser.
Not even paying for his child, and trying to borrow from you while you do it all.🙄

Are you crazy? Why would you lend money to someone who has totally disrespected you and been living a double life with another women and furthermore has not paid his CM which is for taking care and feeding your child? All I can say is if you do, then you are stupid.

Go ahead if you never want to see that money again. Neither borrower nor lender be.

It’s been way over a week and I’m very glad that I haven’t lent him a penny! And I don’t feel bad about it either. He really doesn’t deserve it if he can’t stick by his family (or families at this point).

Well done, OP! 👏🏻 👍🏻

If you start to get a hint of feeling bad about saying no, turn that emotion into anger about the request in the first place!! How fucking dare he?!

Don’t loose sight of the bigger picture - he’s an absolute bellend!! Protect yourself and your child from him! Don’t let him drag you down with him!

He made his bed he can lie in it.

i’d be unblocking the ex to see what she was saying as im nosey….

Has he been making any maintenance payments, given he was already behind, or is he falling further behind?

Haha so tempting. I do peak at her Facebook sometimes just to remind myself that he isn’t worth it. She posts pictures of them over now and then and her feed is full of him. Which is a mind f* for me, especially when I first found out.

But they are both not worth my time.

He has made ZERO payment which is so annoying! So the debt is increasing.

He has our child once a week, and whenever I’m doing something. He hasnt committed to stayovers despite having a big house which can host all of his kids!

I called CMS and they told me he has sent a reconsideration, so the application when from active to pending!! Which I’m frustrated about! I’ve opted for click and collect so that I don’t have to deal with his excuses and I don’t understand what they are considering. I thought they could take the money straight from his employer.

Sounds like he might have quit his job?