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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ghosted and he came back … ?

27 replies

Karlaken · 13/02/2026 17:05

Talked to this man back in late November for a couple weeks consistently. About one week into us talking he was already trying to plan a date and see me, I was kinda dragging my feet and declined for a later date but we still continued to talk. He kept pressing to see me so I agreed, the days following up to the date he kinda dragging his feet with his replies.

Make a king story short the day of the date comes we still haven’t decided on a time or location but he texts me early in the morning asking how I was doing. I then brought up the date and he send me a long voice memo of him with a bunch of nervousness talking. Explaining family issues and having to drive up to the hospital etc. Told me he could still see me but it would be later, I charged it to the game told him to focus on that and not to worry about. Then that was it no communication from either party.

He then now reaches out in February sending me several a voice memos talking about how he apologizes how the month of November was hard for him and how it was one thing after the next. Says he could have communicated this to me etc and it wasn’t cool.

What y’all think ? I personally think it’s Bull

OP posts:
CruCru · 13/02/2026 17:08

Honestly? He was more interested in someone else but that hasn’t worked out. So he’s trying his luck with you.

FeistyFrankie · 13/02/2026 17:16

He's not that into you. Onto the next!

Swiftie1878 · 13/02/2026 17:17

Agree with PPs.

DestinedToBeOutlived · 13/02/2026 17:18

They always do.

Get sidetracked by someone else, ghost you, then come back when it doesn't work out with option number one and blame it on the anniversary of their goldfish dying or some such shit.

You're worth more thank being someone's backup option.

Random321 · 13/02/2026 17:22

Men always come back until explicted told not too & even they'll sometimes return.

It may be weeks, days or even decades but they reappear.

It's usually caused by horniness or homelessness.

It is never because of a fairytale or true regret.

TheMorgenmuffel · 13/02/2026 17:25

I wouldn't even bother replying.

OrigamiOwls · 13/02/2026 17:27

I agree with the above poster, he had another option that haven't worked out. He's now going through his contract list to see what he can resurrect unfortunately.

rookiemere · 13/02/2026 17:38

Why all this online chat before agreeing to meet?

Admittedly online dating was in its infancy when I used it, but I quickly learned there was no point in becoming pen pals or telephone pals with a prospective suitor - far better to meet in person asap and get a proper idea if you are compatible or not.

Cardinalita90 · 13/02/2026 17:39

Honestly it kind of sounds like you weren't showing much enthusiasm either. A week of talking is perfectly normal time to start bringing up real life meets. And did you make any effort to get the ball rolling with planning the details either?

Just ignore his message, sounds like neither of you were keen.

raspberets · 13/02/2026 17:40

Par for the course.

ginasevern · 13/02/2026 17:52

He's married and waited to get Christmas with the fam over. Or had a better offer in the meantime. But why were your dragging your feet so much?

Goodadvice1980 · 13/02/2026 18:09

Don’t be anybody’s fallback option OP!

Evaka · 13/02/2026 20:00

Random321 · 13/02/2026 17:22

Men always come back until explicted told not too & even they'll sometimes return.

It may be weeks, days or even decades but they reappear.

It's usually caused by horniness or homelessness.

It is never because of a fairytale or true regret.

You are such a sage.

Firesparks · 13/02/2026 20:02

Omg he’s literally waving red flags right in your face. It’d be too much drama for me. Block.

Getthetea · 13/02/2026 20:06

Nope, throw that one back. He’s lying.

Karlaken · 13/02/2026 20:37

This was the voice memo he sent me

I mean yeah. One hundred percent. Zero percent. It’s crazy. One thousand percent, because I did enjoy talking to you. I did want to hang out, get to know you more.

Unfortunately, and that’s on me, and I’m not using this as an excuse — it was just literally November. I told you, it was one week it was something with the family, the next week it was something, the week after, and it just boiled up into a lot more. So it was just nonstop.

But regardless, it’s not an excuse for that. I could’ve reached out even a couple weeks after — two weeks, three weeks, whatever the case. You’re right.”

then he said “so is it kiss my ass”?

OP posts:
CalzoneOnLegs · 13/02/2026 20:49

For that voicemail alone I would block him. It’s embarrassing, no woman is that desperate surely

Thebibleofdave · 13/02/2026 20:49

Never mind 'ghosted'. He has done a 'zombie' on you. Fuck that! And that voice note? Atleast he can count to 1000???? I want whatever he's taking lol!

Karlaken · 13/02/2026 20:57

Thebibleofdave · 13/02/2026 20:49

Never mind 'ghosted'. He has done a 'zombie' on you. Fuck that! And that voice note? Atleast he can count to 1000???? I want whatever he's taking lol!

What do you mean by zombie?

OP posts:
LunarEclipser · 13/02/2026 21:02

I say this a lot on threads like these, but is this what you actively want from a relationship? Is it what you’re looking for? Can you hand on heart say, “I want someone who goes silent for months and then returns with a load of excuses?”

if not, don’t settle for it.

Thebibleofdave · 13/02/2026 21:06

@Karlaken it's a term used after he's 'ghosted' you. He was dead then has risen from the grave and reappeared.....like a zombie😂

Pyjamatimenow · 13/02/2026 21:06

Next

HRTQueen · 13/02/2026 21:30

Men who come back are not that interested in you, they have nothing else going on

move on

Vintageblueribbon · 13/02/2026 21:36

I had this with a bloke years ago

We where chatting and arranging to meet up when,poof!he vanished

I then met my now dp and had been with him for about 7 months when I suddenly got a FB message asking how I was and did i fancy that date we'd been talking about?

He'd been chatting to me and another woman,(and possibly more ladies) chose her and ghosted me

She then dumped his sorry arse so he was back,trying his luck with me (and possibly the other ladies)

He just wanted a pity shag and didnt get one from me

He did get told to fuck off (he sulked and said 'there's no need to take that tone with me'!)

PollyBell · 13/02/2026 21:39

Well it is up to you but can any of say we haven't had times where things got overwhelming and we didnt contact someone the way we should?

I am sure there will be choruses of i would never do that would never happen in a million years

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