Unsympathetic teacher DD(12)

[formynameonly]

Dd(12) started her period earlier this week. She had messaged one of her ‘friends’ (Sarah) and told her that night and the next day when dd walks into school other girls who she hadn’t said anything to asked her about it and said Sarah had told them.

She was later shown by another friend that Sarah had sent a screenshot of dds message to a group chat that dd isn’t in. Then at lunch a couple of boys came over and laughed at her and said ew etc.

Dd admits to them calling this friend a ‘weird bitch’ for telling people and has since then completely avoided her.

Friend has gone crying to their pastoral manager today that dd is ignoring her and had called her names.

Dd was called out of lessons and was told that Sarah didn’t realise dd didn’t want her to tell anybody else and that dd should forgive her because shes very sorry and upset about it. That Sarah hadn’t actually said anything unkind and that dd’s problem should be with the boys who did and that she will speak to them but she doesn’t want to hear of dd excluding Sarah or calling her names again.

Dd was definitely upset and embarrassed by what Sarah did, she just didn’t run crying to a teacher about it and she’s now upset because she thinks she has no choice but to forgive Sarah or get in trouble.

AIBU to think that Sarah definitely knew she shouldn’t tell everybody and that dd has a right to be upset and want to avoid her from now on? And that the teacher could have been much more sympathetic to DDs feelings in this situation?

@formynameonly the fact that Sarah shared the message in a group that your Dad isn't part of says it all really. Sarah is a bully. The teacher handled it really badly.

As per the first post. And shame on school for enabling such shitty behaviour from Sarah, and not allowing your child to feel able to stand their ground and not put up with unacceptable behaviour for fear of causing an issue. Good on your DD, she sounds ace, and good on you for backing her 🙌

I totally agree the pastoral team is wrong. Sarah needs to understand the upset she has caused. She has lost a friend, and I hope she gets consequences, however adults calling kids weirdos does not sit well with me.
If this was your child that this happened to, would you call Sarah a weido, or would you be telling the pastoral team you think they are wrong, and Sarah needs consequences. I would also encourage my daughter to keep well away, and make new friends, no name calling either.

Sarah is a little cowbag.

Really poorly handled by the school. I hope they atleast told Sarah's parents about what she had done to your DD with the screen shots, but unfortunately doesn't sound likely.

Sarah is a nasty little cow.

Very mature (not), I get the impression Sarah will suffer the consequences for her actions for a long time and so she should. What she did was terrible.
If it was your child would you call Sarah a little cow bag face to face or would you want to make sure your daughter is ok, and speak to the school about it, in my opinion I would want the pastoral care to know they are wrong, and I would want Sarah punished, name calling like the above makes you as bad as Sarah.
I am neither woke nor a bleeding heart, but as adults, we should set an example and not come down to the level of the bully.

Did DD explain to the pastoral teacher about the screenshot and the group chat? If she did , and the teacher still took that stance, I’d email in , putting her straight and cc’ing in head of year/form tutor.

If she didn’t, then I bet Sarah went in with big crocodile tears and spun a very minimised story of events . I’d still email in to clarify the situation. If DD has any proof of it, even better.

There’s an old saying. Better to learn asap: if you tell your secrets to the trees, don’t blame the wind for passing them on.

Gosh OP not your DDs fault, Sarah as many have said has growing up to do but great opportunity to instil, no matter how much you think you can trust someone… that adage a universal truth.

Meh the girls who bullied my daughter (including death threats) will forever be known in this house as “the bitches”.

It doesn't matter what the teachers say the friendship is broken, no one can force someone to be friends DD can be polite but if the friendship is done it's done. If someone disrespects a confidence like that it's likely there is no going back.

Sarah isn't on this thread. Who cares what she gets called? She's never going to know.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Sarah needs to apologise to your DD for breaking her confidence and being untrustworthy. Children are children though and if Sarah has previously been a good friend she should give Sarah a second chance. Advise your DD not to give Sarah a third chance if she blows it again.

Give it a rest now.

Don't be so rude, I am not one of your kids, I don't take kindly to people telling me to give it a rest, take your ignorance somewhere else.

We were discussing a kid who has done something horrible, I have made my opinions clear on adults calling a kid some horrible names. She's still a kid who can learn, whats your excuse?

"Are you Sarah" is not a particularly mature comment to make. This girl has arguably behaved in a weird, bitchy and bullying manner.

Yes, you've made them clear. (As clear as they can be amongst the multiple comma splices, at any rate.)

Yes I know what a multiple comma splice is and yes they should have been some full stops ect. Thanks fir letting me know, hope you feel better now.

This. OP you need to hear the teacher's version of what happened but it certainly won't hurt to let school know that you will support your daughter to choose her own friends and spend time with whoever she likes. I would ask what they have done/intend to do about Sarah's bullying behaviour.

I never said I would call Sarah a little cow bag, did I? Of course I would talk to the school and make sure my DD is ok.

I said my comment in this thread, in solidarity with a Mum whose DD is being bullied by said child.

My DD’s bullies have been known by other names in my household, so 🤷‍♀️

I’m very happy to be labelled as not very mature, no issues here.

OP I hope your Daughter is ok, and also yourself. Xx