To worry that Dd is becoming a not very nice person

[Lifeislikeaboxofdairymilk]

I adore Dd (almost 8) so much
She was a happy, energetic, fun girl growing up…she still is..sometimes. The rest of the time she’s moany, cross and rude at times. We’ve always brought her up to have good manners and be a good person, but as awful as it sounds, sometimes she’s just not that likeable 😔
I put so much effort into everything for her, she never wants for anything (not in a spoilt way) she’s an only child and i’m very hands on, but now nothing is good enough for her, she complains about everything and it’s really bringing me down.
Is this normal? Sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort in as there’s really no point.
I look back at her younger years and feel so sad

This begs the question....... What was the point of it?

If the kids couldn't do it themselves and weren't even expected to, then it's a competition for the parents.

She just sounds normal to me. All children would be disappointed at not winning a project but sounds weird for mums to be buying something to hand in. I would hope that hand made things are better. Obviously I don’t know what it was but in our school usually hand made and yes parents help but can be hard not to take over. I do see some girls being more fussy approaching 8 where the boys just run around like mad (getting caked in mud!).

Have a read up about adrenarche.

Your daughter sounds like she is under peer pressure that could and should have been avoided by the school, though she has made it about you getting it wrong because she is only 7.

Shame is a deep, strong reaction that can stay with us for years. To be first pleased with what you both produced and then to feel shame is not a symptom of her being awful or spoilt. It's of not fitting in with what her peers expectations were for that project. (I used to dread none uniform day because I never seemed to get it right and I still have memories from that)
She managed to express it you you rather than bury it, which is a good thing because now you can explore and address it.

You can only counteract this so far and it will take time. A constant drip drip drip from you to reinforce that everybody is different and that you all have different priorities and values. Point out where the peer pressure is, help her recognise it. Show that there is a lot more scope for difference and individuality in the adult world. If you are able, talk about your older relatives and ancestors, tell her which of their values were good and that she is made from good stuff, so that she knows she had good roots.
Maybe find out of school activities that provide a different friend group, because every set of children has their own culture and values.

I think you can be empathetic about her emotions while also having boundaries in terms of being rude to you. It sounds like there is stuff going on at school that is making her anxious and upset. E.g. 'I understand that you are feeling disappointed but I tried my best and it would be good to have some appreciation for that effort.' Also you could develop a routine to say what you are all feeling grateful for every night at dinner. Kids are not angels all the time, they have feelings and it sounds like she feels able to express them to you. That is a good thing. In my experience they go through tricky times which could be developmental or to do with stuff at school. Really try not to take it personally. Focus on the connection you have with each other. If you are feeling that she should be more grateful, model being grateful in front of her but you could also dial back a bit on some of the things you do, perhaps they are not always necessary. She is 7 and not an adult so you cannot expect her to respond to you in the way an adult would.

I think you need to use these sorts of situations to help her learn.

Chat to her about other people not always appreciating what we do, and how important it is not to get our happiness and self worth from them. To feel pleased with what she did on her own terms, not theirs. Because only one person can win a prize, so does that mean 29 people should feel deeply disappointed? Not a great method of encouraging people to do their best.

Help her develop the Personal Best mentality and not to get hung up on approval from friends or teachers.

As PP have said, lots of girls get their first pre-puberty (or puberty) surge of hormones at this age and it can make them a bit emotional. It's our job to help them self-regulate. Not tell them off but just encourage them to soothe themselves or calm or cheer via exercise, or an hour with a blanket and book or favourite TV show/music, or a long bath.

I belatedly realised I had to teach all this stuff to my DC. They don't learn instinctively to focus on Personal best over external affirmation, or to create their own standards and privately judge others by them, rather than desperately try to fit in. Or to give themselves masses of self care when they have crushing disappointments in life. But I did teach them and saw them put these skills into action and honestly, it has helped them so much right into adulthood.