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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say... maybe look at your DD?

44 replies

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/02/2026 21:31

DD6 is BF with my BF DD6

BF has said in the past the her DD has been involved with another kid in school and that the other child was always the protagonist that was being a bully and no one hurts her baby. Turned out is was six and one...etc.

DD6 came out of school yesterday with a note in playground to say she had a bruise on her arm after being grabbed by another child. DD is bloody clumsy so I asked what she and she said nothing BF DD grabbed her because she went into the toilet before her.

BF DD then shouted out well DD pinched me!! I said well neither is particularly nice and have you apologised to each other and both replied they had and that they cuddled it out.

I then get a phonecall from DH of BF DD saying I'm not sure whether you know but our DD has had a 2 notes this week to say that my DD pinched her. I said well funnily enough I have a note to say that BFDD bruised her arm.

All I got was blank silence and then "oh well that's interesting. I didn't know about that"

I replied that I hadn't been told about anything until today and I was told: "Well it's not particularly nice so can you please tell your DD that its not acceptable to pinch and dependant on what she says I will have a chat withy DD. I hate this kind of thing and wanted to chat to you as opposed to texting, but it's really upset me"

I'm a non confrontational person and did the whole "oh don't be daft, you know I don't care about this kind of stuff etc"

I STILL know it's six and one etc, but it's really pissed me off that he called me to call DD out despite not knowing the whole story and despite knowing the whole story STILL went off at DD!

BFDD wasn't at school today. Reason: They don't feel she's safe.

AIBU?!!

OP posts:

minipie · 12/02/2026 21:33

Some people’s children can do no wrong OP.

I learned that the hard way.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 12/02/2026 21:35

They sound well annoying. Bin them off. Crap friends.

Threeabreast · 12/02/2026 21:36

Parents get so riled by this sort of thing. If you’ve no other reports your dd did anything wrong I’d encourage her to play with other people for a while. What I found really good was judo. Dd learned to push people away before they got near enough to pinch or grab.

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:37

If their DD hasn’t told them the whole story then it probably was justified to call you to discuss two instances of their child being hurt by your child.

But if you’ve now told them that their child has equally hurt yours and they’re still not listening then they’re just being overprotective and choosing to believe whatever their DD says.

To not send their child into school because she’s “unsafe” after two minor alleged pinching incidents which they’ve addressed is batshit

LowlyTheWorm · 12/02/2026 21:38

I’ve said you’re unreasonable for using the phrase “six and one”- what does that even mean!?!?

SoScarletItWas · 12/02/2026 21:40

LowlyTheWorm · 12/02/2026 21:38

I’ve said you’re unreasonable for using the phrase “six and one”- what does that even mean!?!?

‘It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other’

is the usual phrase

PinkLegoBalloon · 12/02/2026 21:42

Is this your best friend, or your boyfriend? Can't tell from the post.

But they're being rather dramatic keeping their child off school.

Threeabreast · 12/02/2026 21:45

LowlyTheWorm · 12/02/2026 21:38

I’ve said you’re unreasonable for using the phrase “six and one”- what does that even mean!?!?

Don’t be so mean. You knew what she meant.

TeaAndTattoos · 12/02/2026 21:46

PinkLegoBalloon · 12/02/2026 21:42

Is this your best friend, or your boyfriend? Can't tell from the post.

But they're being rather dramatic keeping their child off school.

I’m assuming she means best friend otherwise I would be questioning why her boyfriend has a husband 🤔

Original poster

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/02/2026 21:50

Sorry six of one! Got it wrong. Apologies!

I just thought that call was a bit much and to still go after I mentioned what else had happened and to keep her off.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 22:24

Tbh i don't think the phonecall was terrible. I would prefer a call rather than misread text messages. Pretty average. They didn't go off at dd they just asked if you would have a chat about pinching! Your reading a bit much into the call

However

However the not feeling safe - how was that communicated and by who?

lottiegarbanzo · 13/02/2026 07:17

Have you spoken to the teacher to get the full story about the pinching?

People never know how their own child has behaved, until it gets really bad and the teacher contacts them.

ResusciAnnie · 13/02/2026 07:24

DD6 is BF with my BF DD6

That took me a minute… boyfriend? Breastfed? Ah, best friend…

I think fair play to best friend’s husband for ringing to speak to you maturely rather than getting defensive or stewing. That’s usually the head-tilt MN advice - ‘why haven’t you phoned to talk about it?’.

Both the girls have done wrong and perhaps need some distance from each other.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 13/02/2026 07:26

Lmnop22 · 12/02/2026 21:37

If their DD hasn’t told them the whole story then it probably was justified to call you to discuss two instances of their child being hurt by your child.

But if you’ve now told them that their child has equally hurt yours and they’re still not listening then they’re just being overprotective and choosing to believe whatever their DD says.

To not send their child into school because she’s “unsafe” after two minor alleged pinching incidents which they’ve addressed is batshit

It is not justified. It is a stupid idea. You let school deal with it.

UniversityofWarwick · 13/02/2026 07:28

Why did your dd pinch her twice in one week?

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 13/02/2026 07:32

Why is the school sending notes home to parents to say kids have been hurt but not sending notes home to the other parents to say they are hurting another kid?

ds’s friends parents and I never had any problems with updating each other on any issues between them. It good to know what’s going on so you can guide your dc.

Your friends dh sounds like he’s being a bit over protective after two notes from school and one side of the story from his dd, but you are the opposite end of the spectrum by telling him you don’t care. There is a middle ground to be found for both of you before it gets out of hand.

Livelaughlurgy · 13/02/2026 07:37

I suppose you could say the same about yourself. Your dd has pinched hers twice and you're not really bothered and then what happened at the toilets today? Maybe she's over reaction and maybe you're under reacting.

fiorentina · 13/02/2026 07:45

Either way I’d be encouraging your DD to play and spend time with others. Some parents cannot see that their DC do wrong but it’s possible that your DD is starting these issues equally. I’m sure you’ve firmly told her pinching isn’t acceptable and hopefully this is the end of this anyway.

Unusualdog · 13/02/2026 07:56

The teacher is at fault for not saying the full story

Ophy83 · 13/02/2026 07:57

The issue is the school sending these notes that only give half the story! Normally they don't name the other child AND would tell the parents if their child had injured someone else

arethereanyleftatall · 13/02/2026 08:01

Your title could equally apply to you!

your dd has pinched her twice, and you didn’t write that you have spoken to her about it, but are getting riled that they haven’t spoken to their dd about the - once - grabbing.

but also - this is very weird of the school, why would they not be talking to either of you about it?!? You wouldn’t have known if the dad hadn’t called.

not going to school over it is batshit

TeenToTwenties · 13/02/2026 08:07

I think it is very unclear whether they are equally at fault or whether one is always the instigator.
I'd ask that they be kept separate at school for a while to protect both of them (from either being hurt or unfairly blamed).

Imbusytodaysorry · 13/02/2026 08:15

McSteamyorMcdreamy · 12/02/2026 21:50

Sorry six of one! Got it wrong. Apologies!

I just thought that call was a bit much and to still go after I mentioned what else had happened and to keep her off.

You needed to be more assertive at this point and stand up for your daughter .

Id do as other posters said and you back .

Fluffyholeysocks · 13/02/2026 08:23

Yes - no more playdates and ask school to keep them separate. If the parents speak about it again I'd say 'it's best they have some space as they seem to be bringing out the worse in each other'.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 13/02/2026 08:28

I don't know. From what you've said in your post your dd seems to be the instigator and the other child is reacting to her behaviour. I would say focus on your child's behaviour as she should not be pinching.

BTW I thought six and one was a slangy shorthand for the expression six of one etc. It was perfectly obvious what you meant and I quite like your version 😁

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