To say... maybe look at your DD?

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

DD6 is BF with my BF DD6

BF has said in the past the her DD has been involved with another kid in school and that the other child was always the protagonist that was being a bully and no one hurts her baby. Turned out is was six and one...etc.

DD6 came out of school yesterday with a note in playground to say she had a bruise on her arm after being grabbed by another child. DD is bloody clumsy so I asked what she and she said nothing BF DD grabbed her because she went into the toilet before her.

BF DD then shouted out well DD pinched me!! I said well neither is particularly nice and have you apologised to each other and both replied they had and that they cuddled it out.

I then get a phonecall from DH of BF DD saying I'm not sure whether you know but our DD has had a 2 notes this week to say that my DD pinched her. I said well funnily enough I have a note to say that BFDD bruised her arm.

All I got was blank silence and then "oh well that's interesting. I didn't know about that"

I replied that I hadn't been told about anything until today and I was told: "Well it's not particularly nice so can you please tell your DD that its not acceptable to pinch and dependant on what she says I will have a chat withy DD. I hate this kind of thing and wanted to chat to you as opposed to texting, but it's really upset me"

I'm a non confrontational person and did the whole "oh don't be daft, you know I don't care about this kind of stuff etc"

I STILL know it's six and one etc, but it's really pissed me off that he called me to call DD out despite not knowing the whole story and despite knowing the whole story STILL went off at DD!

BFDD wasn't at school today. Reason: They don't feel she's safe.

AIBU?!!

Some schools are crap at dealing with bullying.

It’s time to start distancing yourself, also no school should be telling you which child is involved in an altercation, especially in note form so I’m guessing it’s the children telling on each other.
If there is repeat pinching I would expect the teacher to have pulled you to one side and explain there is abit of an issue.
Your daughter shouldn’t be pinching and the other shouldn’t be grabbing, they obviously don’t bring out the best in each other and you should encourage other friendships especially as the other parents are unable to believe the idea that their child may be 50% responsible.
My child is 5 I’ve only had one note home this academic year to say he was pushed over and hurt his knees, 2 notes in a week is a lot

I can't completely work out who did what/ who got what note but sometimes things are hard to unpick for schools and kids change their story when they get home!

That said lots of phone calls and parent communication about things that happen in school never end well imo! I would go to the teacher and calmly explain the situation and ask them to keep an eye out for them scrapping. And I would talk to your DD about pinching and suggest she needs a bit of distance from this friendship if they can't get on. Really this stuff should just be dealt with in school.

Why not speak to the school? They will give you a more reliable account of what's happening here based on their observations of the girls, their general behaviour and dynamic between them than relying on their own accounts, or guessing. Ideally you and your best friend could speak to the teacher together, for full transparency, then you'll each know how to approach it with your own DD. It's certainly unacceptable for children to be coming home with injuries and experiencing physical violence on a regular basis, so you need to work with the school to get it stopped.

And you’re doing what about the pinching?

Pinching can hurt a lot. No one should be doing that. Maybe the other kid is fed up and reacting? They should be kept apart for a while.

There’s her version, your version and the truth is somewhere in the middle and the parents who do not accept this are twats.

Bin her off.

She sounds emotionally stunted

You both need to look at your own DDs and not worry about the other one. I would never speak to the other parent and let school deal with it as it happens on their time not yours. You will never have the full picture as you weren't there.

The school need to communicate better with both of you and they shouldn't be telling each parent who the other child is. You also can't address anything with your own DD if the school don't tell you it happens.

I had a similar situation with DS8 when he was 7. We have a few incidents with the 'same child'. School never told me who but the other mum was running around saying my child was bullying hers....after speaking to the school not the other mum, turns out her child was verbally bullying mine and my DS reacted by pushing the other child away when it happened. Neither child was right in their actions but the other mum sure wasn't telling everyone it was her child instigating it. I was the bigger person and just ignored her, let the school deal with it.

Let school deal with it. It happened on school property and neither set of parents know what actually happened. So if you start trying to deal with it between yourselves you are bound to fall out. The school obviously are aware of the issue as they are sending notes back.

You could go in and discuss with the form teacher and see what the plan is. Often they monitor the children and can report back if they see an ongoing issue or if they generally are fine together but occasionally squabble.

Bin them off they are going to have a long 10 years bringing her up ,,as always kids fall out and are best friend's again the week after whilst stupid arse parents like these make them selves pariahs 😩.

Time say your good byes

The child not feeling safe is between her parents and the school. You don’t know what else might be going on there. Don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s all about your dd or feeling personally involved.

Pinching is such a horrible, sneaky thing to do as well

I would probably approach a friend about an issue between our kids who are also friends. Agree not in the confrontational manner that it was approached with in this case without all the facts or at least an open mind.

Just be blunt and tell her.

"They are as bad as each other. They are kids. Your daughter grabs/pushes other children. It's normal and she's not a victim."

Let's see how the school likes the unauthorised absence!

Maybe she missed last week's pinch and had to roll it over.

Sorry to say I think your friendship with this woman isn't going to last long. They clearly think the sun shines out of their child's bum and this does not make for easy relationships. Nothing worse than a parent who always assumes their child is the wronged party and never does anything naughty themselves.

I understand the call, however he definitely could have accepted that both children were in the wrong. Now you know, in their eyes it’ll always be your DD fault when things go wrong,
Phase them out, both girls need to know that they cannot put their hands on people in anger.

I am aware of that as have had experience with my daughter but actually going to the other parent never seems to end well. A mum was very happy to tell me her son had been pushed by my daughter but had a sour face when I mentioned he has put his hands on my daughters neck. It never really goes well!