Autistic and odd

[Carlie97]

That's me. I'm so strange. A weirdo and I'm tired of it. I have to mask every single day and I'm tired.

I'm not autistic but I have two close friends and a work colleague who are.

I know autism is a spectrum but the three people above are all high functioning, extremely capable and far more intelligent than I am.

I wonder who decided that ND people are considered odder than NT people? Maybe NT are the odd ones. It is just a case than majority rules? Everyone is kind of odd in their own way really.

My friends no longer mask with me. They just are who they are and say exactly what they mean. Yes, perhaps in certain situations or professional setting, their directness may be seen as blunt or inappropriate, but I find it refreshing. I know exactly where I stand and there's no bullshit. That's just one example.

I know that autistism is far more complex than my post here but in short, my point is I very much doubt you are a weirdo at all.

I'm autistic too and CBA to mask anymore. It was destroying my mental health.

If people find me odd, or rude, or weird, well, that's their issue. I'm not doing it anymore.

It's exhausting OP. Try to find people you can be odd around, and things you love doing. Personally I find 'normal' people dull and enjoy the company of fellow weirdos, but it took a long time to feel comfortable with myself and I still struggle at times. It's hard to unmask but when you find you can, it's so joyful.

I’m autistic and seem to have lost my ability to mask when I hit menopause.
If people think I’m weird well they’re probably correct, if they don’t like it then fuck ‘em

I get it! I have ADHD and always feel on edge when I meet a new person and seem normal, knowing it won't last long!

What is it that you have to mask that people would find very weird if you don't mind me asking?

Why mask? People might love the real you!

How are you a weirdo

Most of us mask to fit in and appear interested - when I first stopped masking, I was regularly told I was rude, bored, uninterested and didn’t care 🤷‍♀️

Are you sure you're not ND? Having many close friends who are and feeling so comfortable with their behaviour may be signs that you are ND as well.
I'm not diagnosing you, obviously. It's just an observation, as I'm similar to you.

OP, why do you say you're a weirdo? It sounds more like self hatred than tiredness.

Welcome to life as someone with neurodiversity - you're pretty much constantly told you're weird, strange, a "freak", a loser, etc. It does get you down after a while!

I'm certain but understand why you would mention it. I just have a very wide and diverse friendship group (tends to happen when you are single and childless for a lot of your 30s! 🤣). Only 2 friends are ND.

So far as I know I am not ND but the pretending to find other people's conversations interesting is surely something most of us do every day. Or is it? I am genuinely interested btw not trying to be goady in any way.

I’m constantly told I’m loud, rude and too free with my opinions. Welcome to life as an autistic woman.

And if people are rude to you do you just accept it ?

There's a difference between naturally pretending to be interested because you know it's a social convention and understand it's the right thing to do, and having to force yourself to do it (even though you don't understand why) and burning out afterwards because doing it was so difficult for you.

I don't really notice if people are being rude, to be honest - not in person, anyway. I can "get" it more online or via text. I also don't tend to notice sarcasm, social cues or polite hints.

In terms of accepting it, what else is there to do? I can't force someone else to act in a certain way just to please me, nor should I.

In what way are you weird? Go and watch Shrek and learn to love your true self

You're assuming she doesn't love her true self.

Many of us with autism do - it's just we also know that if we unmask, other people will find us offensive.

I really sympathise with you, OP. I’m autistic too and I’ve just started a new job in which people are really nice but it’s incredibly formal and old-fashioned. I’m a quiet person anyway but this is QUIET. The layout of the department means that I am alone in one office while my colleagues are in another so I spend all day either feeling alternately isolated or when I see other people, trying to fit my behaviour and responses to what I think is expected and feeling like I’m constantly failing. It’s exhausting.

I am autistic too, also ADHD. I feel lonely because I don’t feel I fit in anywhere, I feel people think I am a weirdo. Some people find me interesting for a short time (I have some interesting hobbies) but after a while I think they find me inappropriate. My social skills are pretty rubbish, I often forget to ask people ‘how they are’ or ask ‘how there life is going’ (general chit chat) so I come across as having no empathy…..I actually have loads.

It is hard, the constant feeling of rejection and just not fitting in anywhere.

This, you absolutely shouldn’t have to mask who you are to people, of course everyone is different.
as long as you’re not saying to people “I’m going to be rude to you and you have to accept it” sod anyone who expects you to be like they want!

I'm not sure why unmasking means being rude and saying exactly what you think....surely this is just tact? It can't be unique to autistics. Anyway, I'm autistic and manage to not be rude to people.

I'm still weird and eccentric but I like myself.

I'm autistic and have just stopped trying. I accept I'm not interesting or invited to the girls' jokes and discussions at work & their messaging etc out of hours. I just don't fit anywhere. It's very lonely, and hurts to constantly see them going off together and never inviting me.

I mask and be pleasant, but accept no one wants you when you're different. They all want the extroverted, inappropriate person. What I can't cope with is this translates to work opportunities too. I work harder & better, with zero support but get the dull processing jobs while colleague is taken on international conferences and training etc. I'm told to ask her for help if needed, but she never knows anything. I'm confused. I don't fit, and have given up.

I fear for my children on a society which values personality over ability.