Why can't women be charged with rape?

[Ourlovelyson]

My son attempted to take his life last year. Turns out his partner has been abusive and she was drugging him with Viagra being him aroused and sitting on top of him he kept telling her no but she did what she wanted to do. But rape is defined by the penetrating male, my son is not the person he once was.
I have been on Google for weeks and I can't find anything to help him. He obviously isn't the only one.
Why is this?

Out of interest op, are you a man or woman?

I was going to put something about this in my post but then thought it was too complicated to explain!

IMO it’s EXTREMELY important that the legal definition of rape keeps the “penis” in its definition. Simply because of the extra risks that come with being raped by a penis than not.

Because actually the potential consequences ARE more devastating

I think the same. Rape is rape. Forcible penetration isn't always with a penis.

Laws by their nature need to define terms a lot more rigorously and narrowly than words in general use, and the legal system's ways of categorising offences doesn't always correspond with people's actual experiences.

You can still define what happened as rape even if our particular country refuses to label it as such. It's semantics. The law can call it whatever it has to call it to get the job done, and the survivor gets to call it whatever they have to call it in order to live with it.

I’m glad someone said it.

Me too.

Of course women can be rapists. I was seriously sexually assaulted by a woman, which is partly why I get angry when people on here go on and on and on about how awful men are and how nearly 100% of sexual violence is carried out by men. I'm not quite sure I actually believe that.

I disagree, unless legislation required penetration be specifically of the vagina (which isn't the case).

I agree -- for men, too. A man just like a woman who is penetrated orally or otherwise by a penis without his consent is liable to suffer injury, transmission of sexually-borne diseases, etc etc.

OP, I'm very sorry this has happened to your son and I hope he does get justice, but words legally mean things. He has not, thank goodness, been penetrated against his will.

I agree -- for men, too. A man just like a woman who is penetrated orally or otherwise by a penis without his consent is liable to suffer injury, transmission of sexually-borne diseases, etc etc.
Any more likely to suffer injury from pentration by any object, or more likely to catch an sti from oral pentration with a penis vs the scenario in the OP? I disagree.

Penile pentration of a vagina is the only scenario where I think there's a uniquely serious distinguishing element (pregnancy) to justify it being a separate offence.

Even then, I think that should be a "special category" within rape, rather than the only offense that can constitute rape.

OP, your comment "he has gone through so much in the last 6 years" should be a wakeup call to all parents to openly discuss this with their male children, and just not focus on the females. Male are often silenced because it's an embarrassment, a question of manhood, as well as being deemed something to celebrate if a female is interested in them sexually. I'm sorry it took this long to take a first step, but he has a long road ahead of him and you're being a support mechanism in his healing.

Too many parents, especially fathers, grew up in a time when it was just something to be thankful they lost their virginity. Always remind him, no one has permission over his own body and the amount of sexual assaults/rapes against men is staggering that don't get reported. Speaking from experience, I wish I was told I could say "no" at an early age. After 40+ years it's still traumatic to think about.

I'm sorry for your son and the abuse he's suffered.

I do believe that rape should stay a separate offence though - because there is the extra dimension of pregnancy and disease risk when a penis is used for penetration.

Yes. STI transfer is greater in the one direction than the other.

In the case of HIV, nearly twice as high. For some gonorrhoea - a single instance can have 60-90% transmission rates!

Same justice as women OP? Less than 3% conviction rates for rape in the UK. I hope you do get justice. Let’s hope his chance is higher.

There are loads of resources on Google; how have you not found them in weeks of looking?

And just so you know, Viagra doesn't cause erections, so is likely irrelevant in this case, as it has no relation to or impact on the serious sexual assault that took place.

Regardless, other posters are right in that the sentencing would be the same, it's just a different legal definition. So if your son has gone to the police, he'll get the same justice as anyone else.

Rape is a separate and distinct crime that only men can perpetrate - both on women & other men. Unfortunately it also has vanishingly low conviction rates and therefore consequences.
Drugging or spiking however is a separate crime and easier to prove. If you have the evidence of her admitting to it that should get you some justice. Have you gone to the police with the evidence?

So really you think only fertile women should be classed as victims of rape? Everyone else should be SA, the same charge as if they slapped their bum? Oh and only if the man penetrates the woman's vagina. If he sodomises her, no pregnancy risk, so lesser charge?

Giving someone drugs without consent is if course a crime.

I am so sorry your son has gone through this.

However I don’t agree, as others have implied, that there is a hierarchy of sexual assault, where rape is the most devastating. As someone else has said sexual assault can carry the same or similar sentencing. Rape, defined by penetration by a penis, has quite specific effects - potential pregnancy or STIs for example. That’s not to say what has happened to your son is not as impactful.

Then if s rapist is considerate enough to use a condom, he should get less time?!

You know there were judges who thought that way back in the 90s, they were highly criticised.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.upi.com/amp/Archives/1991/04/12/Judges-praise-of-rapist-who-wore-condom-irks-womens-groups/4099671428800/

Men being raped doesn’t carry the same risks as women being raped though and again I think this should always be recognised

Thats not to say I don’t think sexual assault against men shouldn’t be taken just as seriously - but the definitions must remain as they are

Forcing someone to have sex is an emotional trauma that is incomparable to anything else. Anyone who says the sex of either the victim or perpetrator matters in that is a walking red flag.

So if it is a woman where the risks do not apply, so for example, she is infertile or he wore a condom or ensured he had a clean STI panel beforehand, you think the punishment should be less?

Sodomy is also classed as rape. You can still get STIS.

sexual abuse has many categories. So no. you need to get out of this thinking that rape is the top of the tree for sexual assault. It’s just a specific category. You could have a rape that was ‘less’ horrific or injurious than a sexual assault.