Ive always earned more than my dp, but live well below my means. I studied at uni, and worked hard in lower paid roles whilst training to get to where I am now. I’m by no means an exceptional earner, but I earn a decent wage and have saved money from not wasting it on pointless stuff. I only earn around £300 more than Dp, but always (used to) have money at the end of the month
When we were about to get married he started asking me to lend him £30/40 until he got paid. This was usually because he’d spent a lot of money on takeaways or gaming stuff. I didn’t see an issue with this and at first he gave it back.
Then there was talk of “our money” and so I felt that as a couple there’s no “paying back” money owed.
In the last year alone, I must’ve given him around £2000 to cover his costs per month. Some of this is given back, but most of it isn’t. This month his car (finance) doubled in payment because he’d missed it twice, and I had to pay it (£1300) as otherwise we’d have no car. And then it broke down, so I had to dip into my savings and pay another £400. So in the last 2 weeks I’ve had to spend £1700 on his car. It’s a necessity for work for him. I work on a ward and get the bus to and from work.
He has £20 for the rest of this month, and no savings. He pays £300 for a gym membership and I have zero idea what he’s spent the rest of his money on besides a new coat.
So today we went to see a house. We are living with his dad at the moment, as I care for him. His dad has now got live in carers and so we’re in a position to move out.
It’s been a lot at his dads, I’ve been up in the night looking after him (dementia), it’s a two bed bungalow and me, Dp and DS3.5 had to share a room. It’s caused a lot of issues.
The house would cost us £1900 per month in rent. Before we viewed he said this was doable for him. So £950 each plus bills.
The landlord said it’s ready to move into at the end of this month (before Dp payday). I said I’d use my salary this month to cover the rent and he’d pay his half back when he got paid.
He then said “I don’t know how much I’m getting paid”, “nothing is risk free” and he cannot guarantee that there’ll be months when unexpected payments come up.
I said that wasn’t good enough and he needed to prioritise his payments to the house, and if he couldn’t then we can’t sign for it.
He speed off, hit his hand on the steering wheel repeatedly, said I speak to him like “one of your fucking patients” and “you always talk down to me”. I tried to explain I needed security when using more of my savings to secure a home for us. He said “do you think I don’t always put our family first?”
I held it together until we got home and then said I needed to go for a little walk. He asked me to be back in 5 minutes as he was off to his friends house an hour drive away to take him to an event tonight. When I got back he said “I’ll have the money” and then left. He won’t be back until gone midnight. So I’m just sat here crying.
AIBU to feel reluctant to put down this deposit?